Yes, we are all ok out here in ShakeyTown. But I absolutely HATE earthquakes. Today's (5.8 or 5.4?) was the worse we've felt in this area since the 6.8 (or whatever) biggee in January 1994. Very scary (although about 1000 times less strong than the '94 quake). The '94 quake sent me directly to the store for smokes and Entenmanns (I had quit smoking about 4 months before). While I lost my smoking quit, that quake is the reason I started my BIG weight loss journey. Ahhh, memories... ;-)
Vickie asked about Burning Man in her comment yesterday. It's a very difficult thing to explain -- for me, it's an art festival, an experiment in community, an extreme camping trip and an adventure! For other people it can be (and is) a lot of other things. Imagine 45,000 people converging out in an enormous dry lake bed about 2 1/2 hours northeast of Reno, Nevada for one week a year full of "radical self-expression and radical self-reliance". There is no running water. There are virtually no "city" services in this huge city (provided are port-potties and city infrastructure like roads and emergency medical services). Virtually everything is done by volunteers. There is no commerce (the only things you can buy are ice and coffee). If you need something, you rely on yourself to bring it or on your community to "gift" it to you.
Like any huge city, Black Rock City (name of Burning Man's one-week-a-year city) has neighborhoods. Our "home" village is the Alternative Energy Zone -- full of people from all over with the common interest of alternative energy -- both the kind that physically runs things (we don't allow generators in our camp unlike many camps at BM and everyone has cool solar or wind power) and the kind that runs the universe (spirit). AEZ is the largest village in BRC (500 people)...we don't know all of them, but we know many.
It's amazing to be out in the middle of nowhere -- the nearest (TEENY) town is 10 miles or so away -- in the middle of the night and see all this LIGHT. Crazy "art cars" drive around with lights and art all over them (some as big as large buses, some the size of a small golf cart). Most people walk or bike. At night you have to have lights on you so others see you -- it is very dark away from the main area where you'd think you were in Times Square by the light alone.
People are encouraged to express themselves however they wish -- you see nudies, people in glowing fur, people (like me) in boxers and bras the whole week and people in "regular" street clothes -- as long as you don't hurt another person or property. Amazingly this works. We have a tiny fraction of the crime that other large cities have. There is art and there are activities and there is wandering the streets looking for what cool stuff other participants have brought to share.
There is so much to do to prep because we have to take literally EVERYTHING: food, water, shelter, amusement, toilet paper! ;-) And we have to lug it 1200 miles round trip. Doesn't this sound FUN? Well, it is!! I have never seen or experienced anything like it. There is art out there in the desert that is so huge that you could never see it anywhere else. The canvas is inspiring.
I could go on and on, but I will never be able to describe it...it's one of those things you just have to experience. And, if you're interested, there's a lot more information at burningman.com. :-) Y'all should come with us!!!!! We could have an AFG camp!!!
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Monday, July 28, 2008
Time to get drastic...again
I've been letting down my guard a bit too much these last weekends...too much drinking mostly and less formal exercise...time to get drastic again so I feel and look good for Burning Man (I'll be arriving on playa just 4 short weeks from today!).
I had a fun weekend and got a lot done too so that is all good. :-)
Friday night, DB and I went to the movies (Hancock, which we really liked despite some bad reviews I'd seen and the fact that I knew "the twist" already) and then to dinner. We had great dates 6 of the last 7 nights...the only bad one was on our actual anniversary, go figure!! ;-)
Saturday I got up and headed to get my hair cut -- while that was happening, I got my car washed (the car wash is right next door). It worked out great! Then to the gym (OK, I got SOME formal exercise!), then home to shower and off for my afternoon: over to a friend's to see her new puppy (who, at 5 months, is already bigger than Doglet!) then to another friend's (beautiful house in a lovely neighborhood) for her housewarming party/2nd b-day party for her son. I got home by 7 to bike down the beach for a really lovely dinner with DB. While biking home, we heard a small drum circle down by the waves, so DB went back with his drum and I soon followed to just laze on the sand and listen. We got home about 12:30 am!
Yesterday we slept in, then walked down the beach for a quick breakfast before heading over to empty and inventory Vera the Van (our Burning Man van) and bring a bunch of stuff home that needs to be tested and/or cleaned. We also did grocery shopping and a LOT of laundry (I hadn't washed any of our clothes for Burning Man since last year!). We BBQ'd for dinner (chicken, corn on the cob and salad...healthy...except for the accompanying beer) and watched Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle (hilarious) before bed.
After our work yesterday inventorying our Burning Man stuff, I feel a lot better -- I was getting stressed about all we have to do and it's really not that much -- much less shopping than in previous years (which is good because I just paid bills and am feeling pretty poor).
Tonight I hope to get a little walk after work -- the inadvertent exercise is saving me right now -- but am back on The Drastic this week and hope to be able to maintain The Drastic better this coming weekend.
I had a fun weekend and got a lot done too so that is all good. :-)
Friday night, DB and I went to the movies (Hancock, which we really liked despite some bad reviews I'd seen and the fact that I knew "the twist" already) and then to dinner. We had great dates 6 of the last 7 nights...the only bad one was on our actual anniversary, go figure!! ;-)
Saturday I got up and headed to get my hair cut -- while that was happening, I got my car washed (the car wash is right next door). It worked out great! Then to the gym (OK, I got SOME formal exercise!), then home to shower and off for my afternoon: over to a friend's to see her new puppy (who, at 5 months, is already bigger than Doglet!) then to another friend's (beautiful house in a lovely neighborhood) for her housewarming party/2nd b-day party for her son. I got home by 7 to bike down the beach for a really lovely dinner with DB. While biking home, we heard a small drum circle down by the waves, so DB went back with his drum and I soon followed to just laze on the sand and listen. We got home about 12:30 am!
Yesterday we slept in, then walked down the beach for a quick breakfast before heading over to empty and inventory Vera the Van (our Burning Man van) and bring a bunch of stuff home that needs to be tested and/or cleaned. We also did grocery shopping and a LOT of laundry (I hadn't washed any of our clothes for Burning Man since last year!). We BBQ'd for dinner (chicken, corn on the cob and salad...healthy...except for the accompanying beer) and watched Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle (hilarious) before bed.
After our work yesterday inventorying our Burning Man stuff, I feel a lot better -- I was getting stressed about all we have to do and it's really not that much -- much less shopping than in previous years (which is good because I just paid bills and am feeling pretty poor).
Tonight I hope to get a little walk after work -- the inadvertent exercise is saving me right now -- but am back on The Drastic this week and hope to be able to maintain The Drastic better this coming weekend.
Friday, July 25, 2008
And all this affects weight how?
I'm up a pound this week. Considering uncareful eating and drinking in Catalina last weekend, anniversary dinner (five-course meal, five different wines, but small portions of all), no gym last night and drinking most nights this Anniversary Week, I am NOT upset with this. I am still down from my pre-vacation weight and my clothes are mostly all looser and looser. I have been "maintaining" the past couple of months and that is A-OK with me for now -- at least I'm not gaining all those lbs. I lost back! And next week is another chance to lose... :-)
I did get quite a bit of inadvertent exercise this week: romantic beach walk Monday night, beach bike/walk Tuesday night after the gym, walk to and from anniversary dinner on Wednesday night, beach bike last night. All this probably mitigated the overeating damage and I'm happy about that.
Our "do-over" last night was really nice: biked down for a beach picnic near a concert on the pier (every Thursday evening in the summer, there's a free concert). Met some friends there, biked home. Nice. :-)
DB found out yesterday that he doesn't have to do his week's "duty" in Nearby Town next week as The Cool One is here and doing it for him. This is EXCELLENT news because we are madly trying to deal with pre-Burning Man preparations. Coordinating our travel and travel for 2-4 of our friends is today's job for me. I think we're going to find a way to make us all happy (which entails getting DB up to BM a few days before me -- while it would be fun to go early, I know from past years that I am pretty over the whole thing after 4-5 days so adding 2 more to our usual 7 did NOT sound fun to me!). In all events, I'll be slimmer than I have been any previous year and that will be oh-so-nice...
Thanks for the condolences for my sweet assistant...poor baby...my heart is breaking for her. She's planning to come back to work on Monday even though we've told her to take all the time she needs...she doesn't want to stew at home too much and I understand that. We will be gentle with her...the next weeks/months will be hard.
I did get quite a bit of inadvertent exercise this week: romantic beach walk Monday night, beach bike/walk Tuesday night after the gym, walk to and from anniversary dinner on Wednesday night, beach bike last night. All this probably mitigated the overeating damage and I'm happy about that.
Our "do-over" last night was really nice: biked down for a beach picnic near a concert on the pier (every Thursday evening in the summer, there's a free concert). Met some friends there, biked home. Nice. :-)
DB found out yesterday that he doesn't have to do his week's "duty" in Nearby Town next week as The Cool One is here and doing it for him. This is EXCELLENT news because we are madly trying to deal with pre-Burning Man preparations. Coordinating our travel and travel for 2-4 of our friends is today's job for me. I think we're going to find a way to make us all happy (which entails getting DB up to BM a few days before me -- while it would be fun to go early, I know from past years that I am pretty over the whole thing after 4-5 days so adding 2 more to our usual 7 did NOT sound fun to me!). In all events, I'll be slimmer than I have been any previous year and that will be oh-so-nice...
Thanks for the condolences for my sweet assistant...poor baby...my heart is breaking for her. She's planning to come back to work on Monday even though we've told her to take all the time she needs...she doesn't want to stew at home too much and I understand that. We will be gentle with her...the next weeks/months will be hard.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Perspective
Dinner last night was not great -- DB and I ended up fighting -- a ruined anniversary in some ways -- I cried a lot and we didn't go to sleep until after 1. But this morning dwelling on this seems very unimportant: my dear assistant's "love of her life" was killed in a car accident. None of our petty hurts, angers, misunderstandings seem very important when something like that happens.
So today, DB and I have a do-over date -- to celebrate the 1st day of Year 5. :-)
(And The Cool One is in town to visit with us too.)
Let's all be sure to remember today what's really important -- the ones we love. And let them know with word and deed because life is too damn short.
So today, DB and I have a do-over date -- to celebrate the 1st day of Year 5. :-)
(And The Cool One is in town to visit with us too.)
Let's all be sure to remember today what's really important -- the ones we love. And let them know with word and deed because life is too damn short.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Four years ago today
How my world changed...Happy Anniversary to me and my one and only DB!! :-)
(Details tomorrow as our dinner tonight is a surprise for DB...)
(Details tomorrow as our dinner tonight is a surprise for DB...)
Monday, July 21, 2008
Our anniversary tradition
Catalina was wonderful as usual. We agree that this is a really good tradition to have and I'm so happy that DB started it!! For those of you who don't know, Catalina is an island about 30 miles or so from the mainland here -- there are no cars allowed (actually FEW) so most people ride around in golf carts and the condo we rent has a golf cart included. It's very much a walking place too (we just have the cart because the condo is out of "town") and feels like a whole other world.
The condo rental people were really nice and let us check in really early on Saturday and stay until 5 on Sunday so we didn't have to lug our stuff into lockers yesterday...we could lounge around the condo all day yesterday and that was really great since we only managed one night away this year! :-) Saturday after we checked in we went snorkeling, but the water was FREEZING -- I was ok in my wetsuit, but DB was so cold I could see his goosebumps while we were snorkeling. After that we rented a jet ski and that is super fun too -- I love to go fast! But it was hard on my wrist to hang on. Still, very fun! :-) Then we headed home to hot tub, shower, then to town for dinner. We went to a place we hadn't been to before and the food was really good, but about 5 minutes into our meal they started karaoke!! We couldn't hear each other talk and our waitress was more worried about shaking her booty and singing to a Shakira song than about serving us. Needless to say, tip was as minimal as I could handle and still make it into Waitress Heaven. ;-) We crashed early on Saturday night to the sound of the waves.
Sunday we slept in, made breakfast in the condo and lounged around there until about noon. Then into town and we took a semi-sub marine tour (DB didn't want to face the cold water again and I don't blame him!) -- it was pricey, but really fun to see the fishies. After that, we had some ice cream and went to a beach club where we'd never been. It was fun...I think next time we'll try to hang there a bit. It's a private club open to the public so they can serve drinks. There's live music, beach, snorkeling, kayak rental, bar, restaurant, shopping, fun! DB's tummy was hurting so we ended up back and the condo on our balcony resting for the last hour or so, then home on the boat. I didn't get to see any really big wildlife, but DB saw a whale spout on our way over on the boat on Saturday! :-) I love Catalina...and DB. :-)
So anniversary week continues (the actual day is Wednesday)...
The condo rental people were really nice and let us check in really early on Saturday and stay until 5 on Sunday so we didn't have to lug our stuff into lockers yesterday...we could lounge around the condo all day yesterday and that was really great since we only managed one night away this year! :-) Saturday after we checked in we went snorkeling, but the water was FREEZING -- I was ok in my wetsuit, but DB was so cold I could see his goosebumps while we were snorkeling. After that we rented a jet ski and that is super fun too -- I love to go fast! But it was hard on my wrist to hang on. Still, very fun! :-) Then we headed home to hot tub, shower, then to town for dinner. We went to a place we hadn't been to before and the food was really good, but about 5 minutes into our meal they started karaoke!! We couldn't hear each other talk and our waitress was more worried about shaking her booty and singing to a Shakira song than about serving us. Needless to say, tip was as minimal as I could handle and still make it into Waitress Heaven. ;-) We crashed early on Saturday night to the sound of the waves.
Sunday we slept in, made breakfast in the condo and lounged around there until about noon. Then into town and we took a semi-sub marine tour (DB didn't want to face the cold water again and I don't blame him!) -- it was pricey, but really fun to see the fishies. After that, we had some ice cream and went to a beach club where we'd never been. It was fun...I think next time we'll try to hang there a bit. It's a private club open to the public so they can serve drinks. There's live music, beach, snorkeling, kayak rental, bar, restaurant, shopping, fun! DB's tummy was hurting so we ended up back and the condo on our balcony resting for the last hour or so, then home on the boat. I didn't get to see any really big wildlife, but DB saw a whale spout on our way over on the boat on Saturday! :-) I love Catalina...and DB. :-)
So anniversary week continues (the actual day is Wednesday)...
Friday, July 18, 2008
A happy weigh-in
Added later:
Anne tagged me a while back on this meme and I didn't get around to it because of funeral, etc., but it seems fun so adding it today:
5 things found in your bag:
1) My cell phone.
2) My green Tumi wallet (an anniversary gift from DB two years ago).
3) Keys -- house keys on one ring, car keys on another, office keys on another and all the sub-rings on one big master ring with a clip so I can hang it from belt loops -- very practical! ;-)
4) Reading glasses (gotta have 'em when I'm wearing my contacts!), sunglasses (it's California!) and regular glasses (if I have to take out contacts).
5) Vicodin (I never use it, but have been carrying it at all times for 6 years after horrible back attack -- I'm scared to be that immobile somewhere and be unable to get help).
5 favorite things in your room (bedroom)
1) My sweetheart. :-)
2) "Lean Into Life" (original painting)
3) Photos of DB and me as children and as grown-ups.
4) Our beautiful California king bed...ahhh!
5) Doglet.
5 things I have always wanted to do
1) Write...a lot more than I have time for...I love WORDS.
2) Go to Asia.
3) Be an actress (but without having to do all the work to get a job).
4) Go to New Orleans.
5) I get to do so many things that I've always wanted to that I can't think of any more!
5 things I am currently into:
1) Getting ready for Burning Man. ;-)
2) The audacity of hope (book and idea)
3) Losing weight!
4) Beer (might counteract #3). ;-)
5) LIFE.
People I want to tag: Everyone who wants to play!
The rest of today's post...
During all the upheaval of the past couple of weeks, there was a point where the scale said I was up as much as 4 pounds over my lowest weight. Because I was still not more than when we went to Mexico, I was fine with that, but I knew that I had to get back on the wagon pronto. Through it all, though, I still made myself get on the scale on my weigh-in days.
After the bad eating and drinking and no organized exercise during the funeral weekend last week, I was pretty scared to get on the scale this morning even though I was back to Normal from Tuesday on. I was thrilled to see the scale down about 2 pounds today from last Friday...I'm just a pound and a half over what I was at my lowest a few weeks ago. Considering the birthday/wedding weekend, then 4th of July weekend, then funeral weekend, this is EXTREMELY good. Which is a good thing because the festivities aren't over yet...
Next Wednesday is our fourth anniversary...as a surprise, DB organized an overnight at our special anniversary spot (Nearby Island) and we leave in the morning!!!! I am so excited...our special anniversary spot is very special...close by, but feels like you are in the south of France or something like that. We will snorkel, waverunner, walk, drive golf carts, eat, drink and be merry. We'll be back Sunday night. :-)
We are also starting to really need to spend a lot of time getting ready for Burning Man -- we leave in just 5 weeks and are FAR from ready. But that's exciting too. We looked at some photos from two years ago and it's amazing how much pudgier I was back then...will be fun to run around in my bras and boxers (it's HOT up there and lots of people actually just go nude but that's not for me) and feel like I look a lot nicer (and probably feel more comfortable in other ways too).
Something scary for me happened yesterday -- when we were trying to figure out how to get to Nearby Island, we were looking into a helicopter ride for a minute. They asked us our weights and I had to say it on the phone with DB on the phone too. I had vowed he would never know and now (if he paid attention) he does. Even though I'm lots thinner than I was, just thinking about this makes me sick at my stomach even now a day later. I hate that he knows. And I hope he either forgets or didn't even really pay attention. Why is it so horrible? I'm afraid he won't desire me if he knows the horrible truth. I am really really afraid of that. And I hate it.
OK..I want to dwell on happier things...anniversary week...yippeeeeee!! :-)
Anne tagged me a while back on this meme and I didn't get around to it because of funeral, etc., but it seems fun so adding it today:
5 things found in your bag:
1) My cell phone.
2) My green Tumi wallet (an anniversary gift from DB two years ago).
3) Keys -- house keys on one ring, car keys on another, office keys on another and all the sub-rings on one big master ring with a clip so I can hang it from belt loops -- very practical! ;-)
4) Reading glasses (gotta have 'em when I'm wearing my contacts!), sunglasses (it's California!) and regular glasses (if I have to take out contacts).
5) Vicodin (I never use it, but have been carrying it at all times for 6 years after horrible back attack -- I'm scared to be that immobile somewhere and be unable to get help).
5 favorite things in your room (bedroom)
1) My sweetheart. :-)
2) "Lean Into Life" (original painting)
3) Photos of DB and me as children and as grown-ups.
4) Our beautiful California king bed...ahhh!
5) Doglet.
5 things I have always wanted to do
1) Write...a lot more than I have time for...I love WORDS.
2) Go to Asia.
3) Be an actress (but without having to do all the work to get a job).
4) Go to New Orleans.
5) I get to do so many things that I've always wanted to that I can't think of any more!
5 things I am currently into:
1) Getting ready for Burning Man. ;-)
2) The audacity of hope (book and idea)
3) Losing weight!
4) Beer (might counteract #3). ;-)
5) LIFE.
People I want to tag: Everyone who wants to play!
The rest of today's post...
During all the upheaval of the past couple of weeks, there was a point where the scale said I was up as much as 4 pounds over my lowest weight. Because I was still not more than when we went to Mexico, I was fine with that, but I knew that I had to get back on the wagon pronto. Through it all, though, I still made myself get on the scale on my weigh-in days.
After the bad eating and drinking and no organized exercise during the funeral weekend last week, I was pretty scared to get on the scale this morning even though I was back to Normal from Tuesday on. I was thrilled to see the scale down about 2 pounds today from last Friday...I'm just a pound and a half over what I was at my lowest a few weeks ago. Considering the birthday/wedding weekend, then 4th of July weekend, then funeral weekend, this is EXTREMELY good. Which is a good thing because the festivities aren't over yet...
Next Wednesday is our fourth anniversary...as a surprise, DB organized an overnight at our special anniversary spot (Nearby Island) and we leave in the morning!!!! I am so excited...our special anniversary spot is very special...close by, but feels like you are in the south of France or something like that. We will snorkel, waverunner, walk, drive golf carts, eat, drink and be merry. We'll be back Sunday night. :-)
We are also starting to really need to spend a lot of time getting ready for Burning Man -- we leave in just 5 weeks and are FAR from ready. But that's exciting too. We looked at some photos from two years ago and it's amazing how much pudgier I was back then...will be fun to run around in my bras and boxers (it's HOT up there and lots of people actually just go nude but that's not for me) and feel like I look a lot nicer (and probably feel more comfortable in other ways too).
Something scary for me happened yesterday -- when we were trying to figure out how to get to Nearby Island, we were looking into a helicopter ride for a minute. They asked us our weights and I had to say it on the phone with DB on the phone too. I had vowed he would never know and now (if he paid attention) he does. Even though I'm lots thinner than I was, just thinking about this makes me sick at my stomach even now a day later. I hate that he knows. And I hope he either forgets or didn't even really pay attention. Why is it so horrible? I'm afraid he won't desire me if he knows the horrible truth. I am really really afraid of that. And I hate it.
OK..I want to dwell on happier things...anniversary week...yippeeeeee!! :-)
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
A funeral with no casseroles
It's a Midwest thing, I guess...people always bring food to families who have lost someone...or maybe it's just generational and no one does that anymore. I don't know because this is the first family death I've had in a long time. Anyway, there were no casseroles. But there was plenty of "bad" food...
It was pretty stressy getting ready to go out of town. For some reason my work is incredibly busy right now...I just jump from crisis to emergency...which, of course, means that things that aren't initially emergencies BECOME emergencies due to lack of attention...it's a vicious cycle. I should be working on something "useful" like paying medical bills now on my lunch hour, but instead I am taking some time for me to blog...
We went to pick up Princess, Smiley and Cry Baby on Friday morning then headed to Nearby Town. After quickly checking in to our motel, we went to DB's parents' house where everyone was congregating. By the time we got there, four of the six kids were there along with assorted grandkids and great-grandkids. The Evil One (soon to have new nickname when I can think of one as he continued the warming trend started at the wedding a few weeks ago...and I did too) had rented umbrellas and big tables to have out on the patio (the house is up on a mountain overlooking the ocean...lovely really) and that was kind of the family room for the weekend -- we ate there, played there, drank there. It made things very nice because DB's mom was able to be inside and away from all the commotion of kids (a total of 14 kids under the age of 12!) when she wanted to be.
The mood was somber, but it was undeniable that everyone was glad to get the excuse to get together. There were 40-plus family members around for the weekend (20-plus stayed in the house -- we decided on a motel because 20 people and 3 showers sounded just a little much for us with the grandkids!). The grandkids soon bonded with their cousins (one of DB's nephews has 4 kids about the same age as DB's grandkids so it was perfect). Someone was out buying a kiddie pool when we arrived on Friday and all the kids had a ball playing in that every day. The yard of the house is huge so there was plenty of room for all the kids to play safely and it was really fun to see these kids be so secure and happy with always a grown-up to help or pay attention. Fun!
This big family thing is totally new to me. In my immediate family there was just my mom and dad and my sister. Now my dad is gone and we have my niece and nephew and brother-in-law, but it's still a really small family next to this one -- FORTY people?? That's just from two parents. Wow. And there were a few that weren't even there (although most made it). It's a strange and wonderful thing...I'm not sure I can put the feeling into words. You have this large group of people who have this bond of family. They don't see each other often, but they have great memories of when they do/did. And there is love. And support. And drama. And politics. And FUN. And love. And...family. I think that's the best I'm going to be able to do in describing what I felt this weekend with these people.
Although DB and I are not (and don't plan to be) formally married and I think that is hard for some of DB's family (and mine) to understand, DB's family is generally fantastic about accepting me into the tribe. There are only small moments where I feel like I don't belong. Those are a little jarring to me since this is completely my family in my heart, but I guess they are understandable and I guess people who marry their partners have that feeling sometimes too. I had a chance this weekend to really get to know DB's oldest sister more and that was extra-nice for me. Even though she's a conservative from Texas, I definitely felt a kinship with her vibe as a person. Maybe it's because she's a Gemini...I always like them...my sister is one too! ;-)
And all the children? How joyful it was to watch them!! How joyful to watch the whole family interact! On Saturday night after dark when pretty much everyone had arrived, I took a few minutes to wander away from the ruckus and just looked at the stars and thought about Daddy-O. I thought about how the choice he made in his life to have this large family created the moments we were living right then. That he (and his wife, of course) created this amazing family -- that THIS is the result of their life's' work. With all the drama, all the pain, all the hardship of LIFE and LOVE, there is this FAMILY. And, if I were them, I would be insanely proud to call this my life's work.
Because of so many people (many of them kids), the food choices available were ones that were easily purchased and prepared in bulk -- lots of burgers and dogs on the BBQ. I made a point to make a big salad one night just to get away from the sandwich and chip diet and that salad disappeared! ;-) I did a big shop that day and tried to bring in SOME good healthy food. But when you're feeding up to 40 people, it's hard!
On Saturday afternoon, I was tasked with going to the garden center to pick up some yellowjacket traps (they were attacking us every time we ate) and I took Princess with me for the ride. We snuck off on the way home to do a shopping spree at Old Navy and boy did we have fun! It reminded me of past sprees with my niece, Muffin -- we took huge bags of stuff into the dressing room to try on and had a ball doing it. DB gave us permission to even stay a bit longer when I told him we were rushing...and we went back and did the round of the store again!! I spent a lot, but got a lot too...lots for Princess, a few things for Smiley and Cry Baby and me (I needed shorts...it was HOT) and even one thing for DB (funky plaid cool shorts that all his nieces and nephews thought were really groovy!). I also found DB's uniform for the funeral (which we purchased the next day) -- Daddy-O had worn khaki pants and a light blue shirt most of the time the past 30 years (since he retired) and, since his sons didn't have suits, it was decided that all the "boys" would wear that "uniform". It was impressive at the funeral to see all the pallbearers in that outfit...and a nice tribute too.
On the way back to the house, Princess asked me "where is heaven?". I gave her the best answer I could: "everywhere".
Sunday there was a rosary at the funeral home. I had never been to one of these before and since it was the first "formal" event of the funeral weekend, it was pretty hard to keep a dry eye. They had the casket open during the day and DB and The Cool One (his other brother) and I were not too wild about seeing that for the rosary. Two of DB's sisters came to me during the day to express their concern that this would bother DB and to say that he should tell them to shut the casket if he wanted them to. This was very sweet. While DB was bothered, he was less bothered than it was important for the others to be able to see the body. I appreciate how DB's sisters love him so much. And, ultimately, someone (not DB) had the casket closed for the rosary. :-)
Sunday, PD1 and her partner (Daddy) showed up in the afternoon and the grandkids were very happy to see them (me too -- and not just because three kids are tiring!). DB's family all came -- PD2 and her family came on Monday morning just in time for the funeral -- she's been having trouble getting her youngest (Baby) to sleep through the night and didn't want to cope with having to deal with that in the hotel. (After the agony of getting Smiley to sleep in her bed -- she's fine sleeping in your arms -- on Friday and Saturday nights, I sympathize, but more on that another day. I need to write all about her and our adventures with allergies at some point, but progress is being made.)
Monday was the funeral at 10 am. PD1, The Cool One, PD1's kids and DB and I went to breakfast at Sambo's (the original one is in Nearby Town), then to the church. It was a beautiful church, very near their home and the church that the kids grew up in (DB and at least some of his siblings went to grade school at the attached school). We milled around for a while while the people participating practiced and got instructions. The funeral itself was really nice -- much less stuffy and formal than I expected for a traditional Catholic church -- each of the kids had something to do (DB and three siblings did readings) and the grandkids and great-grandkids took offerings of things that meant something to Daddy-O up during the offertory. I cried, of course...I cried when I saw DB crying as he walked down the aisle with the other pallbearers, I cried when I saw the PDs crying, I cried when I realized how sorry I was that I never got to know this man who was remarkable and imperfect like all of us. Most of all, I cried when Princess started to cry while walking with me down the aisle after the ceremony -- all her confused emotions bubbled up and she cried. I held her and was glad her mom was there to take over -- what to say to this 8-year-old to make her understand? Oh there are days when I'm glad I'm not a mom...
And speaking of that, I said a very harsh thing to PD1 on Monday afternoon at one point. I meant it and I'm not sure that it was ultimately the wrong thing to say because maybe she needed to hear it or I needed to say it, but I am oh-so-sorry that I said it. I had to take a walk afterwards and cry because I felt so bad. DB came and found me and validated that it was ok that I said it and I apologized profusely to PD1 and PD1 said we are good and she loves me, but I must admit it still weighs on me. It is a fine line I walk with the PDs sometimes...I absolutely love them with all my heart, but I am not their parent (even though I'm their parent's partner) and I totally respect that. I am ultra-careful not to cross that line from friend to preachy parent-like person. They had a horrible stepmother for several years into their teens who told them just how wrong and horrible they were all the time. Because of this, while I consider them dear friends and family, I am very careful not to say anything in a negative way with them...they are still fragile (or at least I think so) from that horrible stepmother. Anyway...I may be way more upset about this than PD1...and even if it was an ok thing to say, it was a bad time to say it...the day of her granddad's funeral. I will always regret that. :-(
Whew...I'm out of lunch hour and there is so much I didn't manage to write...I may add more later or may just let this stand as the record of a remarkable weekend. There are things I learned and things I realized this weekend that will have repercussions in my life to come...I think that is all good.
So, goodbye, Daddy-O and hello...you are in our hearts here in heaven.
It was pretty stressy getting ready to go out of town. For some reason my work is incredibly busy right now...I just jump from crisis to emergency...which, of course, means that things that aren't initially emergencies BECOME emergencies due to lack of attention...it's a vicious cycle. I should be working on something "useful" like paying medical bills now on my lunch hour, but instead I am taking some time for me to blog...
We went to pick up Princess, Smiley and Cry Baby on Friday morning then headed to Nearby Town. After quickly checking in to our motel, we went to DB's parents' house where everyone was congregating. By the time we got there, four of the six kids were there along with assorted grandkids and great-grandkids. The Evil One (soon to have new nickname when I can think of one as he continued the warming trend started at the wedding a few weeks ago...and I did too) had rented umbrellas and big tables to have out on the patio (the house is up on a mountain overlooking the ocean...lovely really) and that was kind of the family room for the weekend -- we ate there, played there, drank there. It made things very nice because DB's mom was able to be inside and away from all the commotion of kids (a total of 14 kids under the age of 12!) when she wanted to be.
The mood was somber, but it was undeniable that everyone was glad to get the excuse to get together. There were 40-plus family members around for the weekend (20-plus stayed in the house -- we decided on a motel because 20 people and 3 showers sounded just a little much for us with the grandkids!). The grandkids soon bonded with their cousins (one of DB's nephews has 4 kids about the same age as DB's grandkids so it was perfect). Someone was out buying a kiddie pool when we arrived on Friday and all the kids had a ball playing in that every day. The yard of the house is huge so there was plenty of room for all the kids to play safely and it was really fun to see these kids be so secure and happy with always a grown-up to help or pay attention. Fun!
This big family thing is totally new to me. In my immediate family there was just my mom and dad and my sister. Now my dad is gone and we have my niece and nephew and brother-in-law, but it's still a really small family next to this one -- FORTY people?? That's just from two parents. Wow. And there were a few that weren't even there (although most made it). It's a strange and wonderful thing...I'm not sure I can put the feeling into words. You have this large group of people who have this bond of family. They don't see each other often, but they have great memories of when they do/did. And there is love. And support. And drama. And politics. And FUN. And love. And...family. I think that's the best I'm going to be able to do in describing what I felt this weekend with these people.
Although DB and I are not (and don't plan to be) formally married and I think that is hard for some of DB's family (and mine) to understand, DB's family is generally fantastic about accepting me into the tribe. There are only small moments where I feel like I don't belong. Those are a little jarring to me since this is completely my family in my heart, but I guess they are understandable and I guess people who marry their partners have that feeling sometimes too. I had a chance this weekend to really get to know DB's oldest sister more and that was extra-nice for me. Even though she's a conservative from Texas, I definitely felt a kinship with her vibe as a person. Maybe it's because she's a Gemini...I always like them...my sister is one too! ;-)
And all the children? How joyful it was to watch them!! How joyful to watch the whole family interact! On Saturday night after dark when pretty much everyone had arrived, I took a few minutes to wander away from the ruckus and just looked at the stars and thought about Daddy-O. I thought about how the choice he made in his life to have this large family created the moments we were living right then. That he (and his wife, of course) created this amazing family -- that THIS is the result of their life's' work. With all the drama, all the pain, all the hardship of LIFE and LOVE, there is this FAMILY. And, if I were them, I would be insanely proud to call this my life's work.
Because of so many people (many of them kids), the food choices available were ones that were easily purchased and prepared in bulk -- lots of burgers and dogs on the BBQ. I made a point to make a big salad one night just to get away from the sandwich and chip diet and that salad disappeared! ;-) I did a big shop that day and tried to bring in SOME good healthy food. But when you're feeding up to 40 people, it's hard!
On Saturday afternoon, I was tasked with going to the garden center to pick up some yellowjacket traps (they were attacking us every time we ate) and I took Princess with me for the ride. We snuck off on the way home to do a shopping spree at Old Navy and boy did we have fun! It reminded me of past sprees with my niece, Muffin -- we took huge bags of stuff into the dressing room to try on and had a ball doing it. DB gave us permission to even stay a bit longer when I told him we were rushing...and we went back and did the round of the store again!! I spent a lot, but got a lot too...lots for Princess, a few things for Smiley and Cry Baby and me (I needed shorts...it was HOT) and even one thing for DB (funky plaid cool shorts that all his nieces and nephews thought were really groovy!). I also found DB's uniform for the funeral (which we purchased the next day) -- Daddy-O had worn khaki pants and a light blue shirt most of the time the past 30 years (since he retired) and, since his sons didn't have suits, it was decided that all the "boys" would wear that "uniform". It was impressive at the funeral to see all the pallbearers in that outfit...and a nice tribute too.
On the way back to the house, Princess asked me "where is heaven?". I gave her the best answer I could: "everywhere".
Sunday there was a rosary at the funeral home. I had never been to one of these before and since it was the first "formal" event of the funeral weekend, it was pretty hard to keep a dry eye. They had the casket open during the day and DB and The Cool One (his other brother) and I were not too wild about seeing that for the rosary. Two of DB's sisters came to me during the day to express their concern that this would bother DB and to say that he should tell them to shut the casket if he wanted them to. This was very sweet. While DB was bothered, he was less bothered than it was important for the others to be able to see the body. I appreciate how DB's sisters love him so much. And, ultimately, someone (not DB) had the casket closed for the rosary. :-)
Sunday, PD1 and her partner (Daddy) showed up in the afternoon and the grandkids were very happy to see them (me too -- and not just because three kids are tiring!). DB's family all came -- PD2 and her family came on Monday morning just in time for the funeral -- she's been having trouble getting her youngest (Baby) to sleep through the night and didn't want to cope with having to deal with that in the hotel. (After the agony of getting Smiley to sleep in her bed -- she's fine sleeping in your arms -- on Friday and Saturday nights, I sympathize, but more on that another day. I need to write all about her and our adventures with allergies at some point, but progress is being made.)
Monday was the funeral at 10 am. PD1, The Cool One, PD1's kids and DB and I went to breakfast at Sambo's (the original one is in Nearby Town), then to the church. It was a beautiful church, very near their home and the church that the kids grew up in (DB and at least some of his siblings went to grade school at the attached school). We milled around for a while while the people participating practiced and got instructions. The funeral itself was really nice -- much less stuffy and formal than I expected for a traditional Catholic church -- each of the kids had something to do (DB and three siblings did readings) and the grandkids and great-grandkids took offerings of things that meant something to Daddy-O up during the offertory. I cried, of course...I cried when I saw DB crying as he walked down the aisle with the other pallbearers, I cried when I saw the PDs crying, I cried when I realized how sorry I was that I never got to know this man who was remarkable and imperfect like all of us. Most of all, I cried when Princess started to cry while walking with me down the aisle after the ceremony -- all her confused emotions bubbled up and she cried. I held her and was glad her mom was there to take over -- what to say to this 8-year-old to make her understand? Oh there are days when I'm glad I'm not a mom...
And speaking of that, I said a very harsh thing to PD1 on Monday afternoon at one point. I meant it and I'm not sure that it was ultimately the wrong thing to say because maybe she needed to hear it or I needed to say it, but I am oh-so-sorry that I said it. I had to take a walk afterwards and cry because I felt so bad. DB came and found me and validated that it was ok that I said it and I apologized profusely to PD1 and PD1 said we are good and she loves me, but I must admit it still weighs on me. It is a fine line I walk with the PDs sometimes...I absolutely love them with all my heart, but I am not their parent (even though I'm their parent's partner) and I totally respect that. I am ultra-careful not to cross that line from friend to preachy parent-like person. They had a horrible stepmother for several years into their teens who told them just how wrong and horrible they were all the time. Because of this, while I consider them dear friends and family, I am very careful not to say anything in a negative way with them...they are still fragile (or at least I think so) from that horrible stepmother. Anyway...I may be way more upset about this than PD1...and even if it was an ok thing to say, it was a bad time to say it...the day of her granddad's funeral. I will always regret that. :-(
Whew...I'm out of lunch hour and there is so much I didn't manage to write...I may add more later or may just let this stand as the record of a remarkable weekend. There are things I learned and things I realized this weekend that will have repercussions in my life to come...I think that is all good.
So, goodbye, Daddy-O and hello...you are in our hearts here in heaven.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
No time to write much
We're leaving for Nearby Town tomorrow. The service is on Monday. We're taking PD1's kids with us because I was supposed to babysit on Saturday while PD1 and her partner go to a wedding. It's been incredibly stressful...trying to cram work in as I'll be missing two days, getting Smiley to the allergist yesterday and for blood tests today, packing to go away, rescheduling life stuff that was supposed to happen this weekend, etc.
It's weird...we are kind of looking forward to this...all of DB's siblings (5 of them) will be there. Most of their children (lots -- Irish Catholic family) will be there too...many with their own kids. Coming from a family with just me and my sister, this huge family thing is new and fun.
Food and exercise have been horrible this week. I've had beer almost every night. And I missed the gym on Tuesday because DB asked me to come home to be with him (which really meant a lot to me). But I did go tonight. And after this weekend (which I'm sure will also be bad -- and I can't figure out how I'm going to get any real exercise although there's a pool and I'll, with hope, take exercise equipment) I'll get back to it. I feel FAT and horrible. I'm terrified to get on the scale tomorrow, but I will. And I know it will be up. My body reacts to "not perfect" just too damn quickly. :-( But there are more important things that I have to focus on right now. I'm not proud of this, but I'm accepting that this is how it is.
There is so much to write this week...and no time...
It's weird...we are kind of looking forward to this...all of DB's siblings (5 of them) will be there. Most of their children (lots -- Irish Catholic family) will be there too...many with their own kids. Coming from a family with just me and my sister, this huge family thing is new and fun.
Food and exercise have been horrible this week. I've had beer almost every night. And I missed the gym on Tuesday because DB asked me to come home to be with him (which really meant a lot to me). But I did go tonight. And after this weekend (which I'm sure will also be bad -- and I can't figure out how I'm going to get any real exercise although there's a pool and I'll, with hope, take exercise equipment) I'll get back to it. I feel FAT and horrible. I'm terrified to get on the scale tomorrow, but I will. And I know it will be up. My body reacts to "not perfect" just too damn quickly. :-( But there are more important things that I have to focus on right now. I'm not proud of this, but I'm accepting that this is how it is.
There is so much to write this week...and no time...
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
DB's Daddy-O
DB's dad died a couple of hours ago.
We expected this because he has been in full-on dementia for some time and very very frail for the past several weeks. When we were up there for the wedding a week ago, he was almost comatose after being in the hospital with pneumonia. Expecting it doesn't make it any easier.
I never knew Daddy-O until after he had started to really decline...but I know him. I know him from loving his son. I know him because half of my true love, DB, is him. I know him from loving the family of which he was (and is) the patriarch.
The past year or so, Daddy-O has been trying to find his way "home". He'd wander away from his house looking for "home". He'd call here looking for his mom. He got mad ("goddamn it, I want to go home!"). And now...he's home.
Thank you, Daddy-O, for giving the gift of DB, of the PDs, of all the grandkids and of your amazing family to me. I love you for that. I really do.
We expected this because he has been in full-on dementia for some time and very very frail for the past several weeks. When we were up there for the wedding a week ago, he was almost comatose after being in the hospital with pneumonia. Expecting it doesn't make it any easier.
I never knew Daddy-O until after he had started to really decline...but I know him. I know him from loving his son. I know him because half of my true love, DB, is him. I know him from loving the family of which he was (and is) the patriarch.
The past year or so, Daddy-O has been trying to find his way "home". He'd wander away from his house looking for "home". He'd call here looking for his mom. He got mad ("goddamn it, I want to go home!"). And now...he's home.
Thank you, Daddy-O, for giving the gift of DB, of the PDs, of all the grandkids and of your amazing family to me. I love you for that. I really do.
Monday, July 7, 2008
Down a pound on the actual Friday, but...
...it was not one of my better weekends when it comes to consumption. I won't list all the food porn here, but there was some cheese and lots of burgers and sausages over the three days. And beer...lots of beer. I refuse to put a frowny emoticon here because it was a SUPER FUN weekend! ;-) And the scale will tell the take next Friday...of course, I'm back on the wagon in a big way today.
The good news is that we biked everywhere on Friday and Saturday -- several parties, to the beach and back, etc. I loved not getting in a car for over 48 hours!! My body is not used to the biking so I felt it on Saturday (which was nice). I didn't make it to the gym on Saturday...we lazed at the beach ALL day...but I did go yesterday (and watched the last set of the Federer/Nadal match on the elliptical...wow!).
We also spent some time yesterday out looking at trucks to buy to take us to Burning Man...we've outgrown our Dodge Caravan and it's cheaper to buy a truck and re-sell it than to rent one! We found one likely prospect that we will be test-driving this evening.
Now back to The Drastic...
The good news is that we biked everywhere on Friday and Saturday -- several parties, to the beach and back, etc. I loved not getting in a car for over 48 hours!! My body is not used to the biking so I felt it on Saturday (which was nice). I didn't make it to the gym on Saturday...we lazed at the beach ALL day...but I did go yesterday (and watched the last set of the Federer/Nadal match on the elliptical...wow!).
We also spent some time yesterday out looking at trucks to buy to take us to Burning Man...we've outgrown our Dodge Caravan and it's cheaper to buy a truck and re-sell it than to rent one! We found one likely prospect that we will be test-driving this evening.
Now back to The Drastic...
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Thursday Weigh-In
So I decided to weigh-in today as this is the "Friday" of this week due to the holiday tomorrow. This might have been a mistake: I am up 2.2 pounds from last Friday. :-(
To be truthful, I did eat some bad stuff last weekend: wine and cheese on Friday night, fast-food breakfast (although very small) on Saturday, some dessert at after-wedding party, a couple of small pieces of pizza on Saturday night, restaurant breakfast on Sunday, a couple of bites of wedding cupcake, too many chips with Mexican dinner on Sunday. Add to this NO organized exercise last weekend (although I made up for one of those missed days by going on usually-unscheduled Monday night) and, now that I've written it down, I guess it's not SO surprising. BUT it is disappointing...one "bad" weekend can add up to THAT much weight?? Doesn't seem fair. Why can I gain POUNDS in a day from a couple of slips but it takes WEEKS to get rid of the same POUNDS? It's not fair and, in some way, it feels like it's not even scientifically RIGHT. But there it is...and I should know better.
Well, I've eaten perfectly all work-week (as usual) and exercised perfectly too. Maybe I'll weigh in tomorrow too and see if somehow, miraculously, it's a Friday thing.
This weekend (at least tomorrow) will probably not be good either...we have FOUR BBQs that we've been invited to (and have accepted). And I am NOT a one to "just say no" on special occasions...that is just never going to work for me. At least we'll be biking and walking to all of them...
Happy 4th to everyone!!
To be truthful, I did eat some bad stuff last weekend: wine and cheese on Friday night, fast-food breakfast (although very small) on Saturday, some dessert at after-wedding party, a couple of small pieces of pizza on Saturday night, restaurant breakfast on Sunday, a couple of bites of wedding cupcake, too many chips with Mexican dinner on Sunday. Add to this NO organized exercise last weekend (although I made up for one of those missed days by going on usually-unscheduled Monday night) and, now that I've written it down, I guess it's not SO surprising. BUT it is disappointing...one "bad" weekend can add up to THAT much weight?? Doesn't seem fair. Why can I gain POUNDS in a day from a couple of slips but it takes WEEKS to get rid of the same POUNDS? It's not fair and, in some way, it feels like it's not even scientifically RIGHT. But there it is...and I should know better.
Well, I've eaten perfectly all work-week (as usual) and exercised perfectly too. Maybe I'll weigh in tomorrow too and see if somehow, miraculously, it's a Friday thing.
This weekend (at least tomorrow) will probably not be good either...we have FOUR BBQs that we've been invited to (and have accepted). And I am NOT a one to "just say no" on special occasions...that is just never going to work for me. At least we'll be biking and walking to all of them...
Happy 4th to everyone!!
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