Rough week

This week I had what I have now self-diagnosed as a truly HORRIBLE anxiety attack. It lasted full-force for over a day and I'm still feeling it (started on Tuesday). I want to write down what happened so if it ever happens again (I hope it won't), I will remember...

Tuesday about 1 pm, I had a very bad, unusual (never felt this before) shooting pain in my left arm completely out of the blue. Right after that I started to feel dizzy and nauseous...I actually thought I might pass out (which I have never done, by the way). Got up and walked to the bathroom and really felt like I might fall down/not make it back to my office. I started to feel breathless and tight in my chest. I seriously considered going to the doctor. Having had my dad drop dead of a heart attack while on a walk with my mom at 68 and no real diagnosed heart problems before that, I am totally a hypochondriac when it comes to my heart, so I powered through the afternoon and didn't go to the doc even though I was having chest discomfort and continuing arm/back discomfort. I went home after work and didn't go to yoga. Just laid down and rested and went to sleep early. When I got home, I took my BP and pulse on our machine and it was something like 125/73 (high for me) and 60 BPM (low for me).

Wednesday I woke up feeling a wee bit better (BP and pulse were normal), but by 10:30 I was feeling those feelings again: numb little finger on left hand, odd pains in my back, chest tightness and breathlessness, very dizzy and nauseous, etc. I had a lunch scheduled with a client and I decided I would go thinking that getting some air outside the office might help but I thought I would probably go see my doc after that. I barely made it through the lunch...felt completely out of my head, shaky, dizzy, breathless, weird pains, etc. By the time we got back to the office and I went to hug our client goodbye, I nearly fell over with dizzyness. This scared me and I went to call the doc...

I told the receptionist that I thought I was having a truly horrible panic attack and needed to come in. My doc is great so they said "how fast can you get here?". I was shaking so badly at this point that I could barely type (or think) as I sent something out before I left my office. My extremities were cold and all the dizziness/nausea/discomfort was worse...and head discomfort/pain had started. I seriously considered not driving myself to the doc (although he is very close to my office). But I drove...I was afraid I would feel foolish when this turned out to be "nothing".

When I got to Doc's office, I laid down in the examining room, still feeling horrible. Really really horrible. I seriously thought I was having a heart attack or stroke. Doc, of course, thought otherwise despite my symptoms (I am sure he knows that I am paranoid about heart stuff since he's been my doc for many many years). He said my arm stuff was because there is something out of whack in my neck...nerves or something. When he squeezed my shoulder/neck on that side in comparison with the other side, it REALLY hurt so I figure he is right. He said when numbness happens in your arm, it's usually a neck nerve.

OK, fine. What about my other symptoms? He said I had some kind of ear infection that had probably moved the tiny equilibrium bones in my ear around so I had a kind of vertigo. (I've had this before.) He suggested the Epley maneuvers (which I've done before) and Bonine (motion sickness med) when I got home. He has diagnosed me before with arthritis in my chest so that was what he thinks the chest stuff was...I'm guessing it was aggravated by my fear/stress over the arm pain/dizziness...I kept grabbing my chest too and pushing on it...my heart felt like it was jumping out of my chest.

Doc did do an ECG and it was totally normal. Knowing all this, did I feel better? NO.

I have continued to have the symptoms (much less severe) until today. They seem to start up about the same time each morning and dissipate in the evening. I read on-line and ALL the symptoms I had are symptoms of anxiety attack. I am certain that is what happened. I think the arm pain scared me and set everything else in motion. It's terrifying. It's terrifying that I can lose it that much! I am still feeling kind of horrible.

My mother and sister have both had "panic attacks". I have never had one before. I hope I never do again. I do wish that Doc had acknowledged that I was having one. I will talk with him about it when I have my annual physical in a month or two...

We are leaving tonight for a three-day weekend skiing with Princess. I am excited although tired in advance too...it will be an extra-long drive tonight...we will probably not get to our motel until midnight.

My weight is finally (post-weeklong-beer-vacation) getting back in the normal range (the range where I feel good, but still want to lose another 10 pounds). I looked at my records from last year and I am over 20 pounds less than I was last year at this time so that is good. I've been maintaining in this good range for over 6 months now. I think I am ready to lose again. But we'll see...I remember the thing that Vickie has on her blog about our plateaus being because our desire to change equals our desire not to. I'm thinking that my desire to change might be getting a little stronger...

NOT skiing this weekend...do you believe it? ;-)

Yes, we are HOME this weekend...first time in WEEKS. I love skiing, but I'm happy to be home too...at least until we head north again next Friday!

I have still been off of yoga this week...waiting for smooshed finger to heal a bit more before putting pressure on it. My teacher allowed me to suspend my pass until I'm better. Yay! I have been eating better and the weight from vacation is slowly coming off...I still have more to go though and clothes are tight. This reminds me to remain good so is not a really horrible thing.

The finger did not keep me from skiing last weekend though! We had a glorious time...got along great with the people we shared the condo with...so much so that we all cooked Valentine's dinner together at home! DB and I say every day is Valentine's Day in our world so February 14 is just another one. ;-) I am so lucky to have found my perfect mfeo Valentine.

This weekend we are booked up (of course)! Tonight we are meeting the son of the woman I was named for and his wife for dinner -- my parents were very close to his parents when I was little but it's been probably over 40 years since I've seen him. He and his wife live close to us, like to ski and he is also a musician so DB and he can maybe jam in the studio. Tomorrow we are having our long-delayed birthday lunch with my mom and I also have to get my hair cut, a pedicure and brow wax (being out of town has thrown a huge crimp in my grooming!). Sunday we are headed north to PD1's house for a birthday party for Princess and Little Dude (whose birthday is today). Thus will end our Birthday Season.

Next weekend we hope to take Princess skiing with us...she doesn't know yet and it all depends on how well she's doing in school because we will have to take her out for Monday the 1st if she goes. I really hope she has a good week because I want her to come with us! We took her skiing once about 5 years ago and, at 5, she wasn't really up to skiing yet. But at 10 she should be good to go! We're skiing at June Mountain next week (and staying there too -- it's also on our season pass for Mammoth) and it's a great beginner's mountain. I love it there. DB is kinda bored but he can go really fast (which is what he likes).

Just call me Skibunny... ;-)

Goin' skiin' agin!

Leaving tonight at 6 pm...hopefully will get to Mammoth before midnight. :-)

We hooked up with a Facebook friend to get a last-minute deal on renting a condo...very cheap for a holiday weekend so we are super-happy!

Squished finger is better although still ouchy ouchy. Weight is going down but not as fast as I would like. I have vowed to be better this weekend than I was last week. It is really nice to have my ski clothes loose and comfy.

We'll be back Monday evening...check Facebook for news and photos!

P.S. to Vickie -- the deleted comment was a SPAM. :-(

P.P.S. Happy Birthday to Princess -- she's 10 today! Love love love that kid. :-)

Back from vacation, back on the program

While I have tons and tons of things that have happened over the past couple of weeks, I may not be able to type all of them -- the overwhelming problem right now is that I smashed my right middle finger in the door of my car just as we arrived at home from our vacation on Sunday. It was stuck to the point that I couldn't remove it without opening the door...THAT's how bad it was. While the pain was amazing, the idea of it being stuck in there almost made me cry more...and, believe me, I was crying! I don't think I broke my finger, but it is very purple, swollen and has a huge gash. Dr. DB has been taking very good care of it and today it is feeling good enough to actually use to type. But it still hurts A LOT if I touch it the wrong way. You'd be surprised just how many little bumps your fingers take in a day...

Anyway...

Our vacation was spectacular. Those of you who are my Facebook friends have seen photos and have seen my frequent updates from the road, slopes, etc. Truly the best ski vacation ever.

The place we stayed was amazing -- though looking a little run-down from the outside (and actually located over a liquor store!), when we walked it, it was like "wow". Beautifully redone apartment. Huge windows looking out on snow (we could see a snowy mountain from our bed). Gorgeous kitchen (nicer even than I have at home!). Private outdoor jacuzzi overlooking the mountain. Amazing. We were very pleasantly surprised since this was supposed to be our "cheaper" option this year!

PD2 and her two daughters came with us for the first 4 days and it was truly a treat to have them with us. The 6-year-old (darn, I always forget what I call her here!) had her first ski lesson ever and did great. She was on the lift and the bunny hill with me and her mom the second day and I truly believe she will learn quickly. At least quicker than her Helen... ;-)

Having said that, I actually did an intermediate run on my birthday!!! FIVE TIMES, thank you very much. I was so scared...and so proud of myself. It was exactly 5 years since my first lesson...I am sure I am the person who has taken the longest of all time going from beginner (green) runs to intermediate (blue). I am far from comfy on blue, but I am now confident that I can handle any green anywhere, anytime. And I can do the blues...yay!! This was a HUGE thing on my b-day.

Another friend joined us the day after PD2 and her kids left...he stayed for three days and it was so nice to have him with us. The last couple of days was just DB and me...and that was NICE too. :-)

Basically every day followed a similar pattern:

- Get up fairly early (not later than 8 or so);
- Eat our healthy breakfast (on plan nearly every day);
- Mosey over to the slopes between 10 and 11;
- Ski for a few hours;
- Have a beer;
- Go home and get in the hot tub;
- Have another beer;
- Go to dinner
- Go to bed by 10.

Yes, ski vacations are TOTALLY relaxing!! But the beer part is NOT good. While I ate pretty well most of the time, the beer took its toll. I gained. Not as much as I feared, but I really really really have to get back on the wagon because now I've got 10 pounds to lose to get to my lowest weight...and 10 more after that. I'm lucky we skied every day...without that, I would have gained a lot more. One of the bright sides is that I am still 15 pounds less than after ski/beer vacation last year. ;-)

DB and I both got a cold in the middle of the week and it's taken a while for us to kick it. But mine seems to be mostly gone now and my health focus is on this darn finger.

We are both so totally stoked about skiing that we are looking for a cheap rental to go up this weekend...I'm not optimistic that we will find one since it is a holiday, but who knows? I'm also not that excited about putting my finger into my ski mitten... ;-) We do have two other 3-day weekends already booked for the rest of the season...having our season passes makes this very affordable for us. :-)

DB was awesome on the actual birthday: he cooked me breakfast, encouraged me on the blue ski run, and even set the alarm on his phone to go off at the exact time I was born so we could smooch and celebrate. He also got me the subscription for the downtown theatre again -- we enjoyed our "year of dates" last year so much!! This is in addition to my slammin' new ski boots (which were, I'm sure, instrumental in my improvements this year), some cool electronic stuff for my Droid and some beautiful earrings that I had admired in a store recently. Oh yeah, and yellow-lensed ski goggles (for days without sun). He spoils me. I am a lucky woman.

Best. Birthday. Ski. Week. Ever.

And now I've got to try to catch up with all of you!! :-)