Big NSV

Today I am wearing a pair of absolutely gorgeous Donna Karan leather pants that I think I have not been able to wear in at least 8 years (since before I quit smoking -- and even before I met DB!). They are a teeny bit tight, but they are comfy enough to wear all day and tonight (going to see Roger Daltrey do Tommy tonight). Whooo hooo. So glad I didn't toss these...I kept all my old rock n roll leather since it's lovely and expensive.

Funnily, the scale is still not going down. But everyone still thinks I am losing. Maybe again soon... ;-)

Shorty about maintaining

For the past month (since before The Wedding), I have been maintaining, not losing. Maintaining on me looks like a few pounds up, a few pounds down every week. I tend to go up on the weekend and down during the week when my diet and exercise are more rigid. I don't love this, but I am happy that, at least, I am still at my lower weight range and in most of my skinniest clothes (on good days). I still want to get to a range 5-10 pounds below where I am, but we'll see when that happens.

The funny thing is that people (many of whom see me every day) continue to remark on how much weight I am "losing". Since my scale doesn't lie, I think it must be that yoga is redistributing how I carry the weight. When I am full-on into my yoga practice like I am now, my posture is better, my tummy is flatter, etc. Even I see the changes...but weight not going down. And this is, while not ideal, fine.

Most of life is maintenance, so I think it's a darn good thing to have a handle on. :-)

Handfuls of salty, carby treats and eating at home

I don't know what came over me last weekend. I usually have a LOT of discipline when it comes to what I can and cannot eat...if I have something "bad", it's usually only a little and I get right back on the wagon. But last weekend, I completely lost it with Salty, Carby Treats. And I paid the price.

Saturday night we were at a party and there were bowls of chips and other SCTs. For some reason (probably drinking too much), I ate HANDFULS of them. Not only did I not stop, it didn't really occur to me to stop. Yikes. The next morning, in addition to a hangover (which I almost never get), I had gained almost two pounds. I actually thought that I got off easy with that. And I did.

Then, on Sunday, I ate way more carbs than usual (pita with salad for brunch and low-carb low-fat frozen yogurt treat in the afternoon). Again, I don't know what came over me! But, even though I noticed that I was eating that stuff, I still ended up eating MORE: sushi (with rice) for dinner (although I skipped the soy sauce as I now do). And, the piece de resistance, when I knew I had really LOST it? At 10:30 pm when DB went across the street and bought a bag of tortilla chips...and we ate THE WHOLE THING. This was wrong on so many levels and I paid the price the next morning -- FOUR more pounds.

It has taken me all of this week to get those 4 off...so, yes, they were "water" weight, but that is still REAL pounds. I feel it....in my clothes and out of them.

It took me about 3 days to make the scale move down at all -- I was eating perfectly back on plan and exercising as usual, but we went out for dinner on Tuesday for a friend's birthday. As I usually do, I checked the menu before we went so I knew what I could order and stay "good"...this way, I don't look at the menu when I'm actually at the restaurant and hungry...it's one of my mechanisms for coping with my limitations. It was a Mexican place and I managed to not eat ANY chips (I think I've had my quota for a while!) or margaritas: had ceviche and salad with grilled chicken and a pinot grigio. It was tasty and I was satisfied. But, the scale still did not move the next day. And I am CERTAIN that it's because of SALT since the food itself was perfectly fine.

The scale started to move when ALL my meals were food I prepared. I am glad for my new awareness about the dangers of eating out...even when I choose food with good ingredients, it doesn't matter if they salt the heck out of it.

Eating out is part of our lifestyle...I just need to minimize it if I want to see the scale continue to move down. Oh yeah, and NO MORE HANDFULS OF SCTS!!!!!!! ;-)

Yogahhhhhhhh

How do I love my yoga practice? Let me count the ways!

I marvel that I get up two days a week at 6:15 (this morning in the DARK) to go to yoga class. I have never done this...SO not a morning exercise person! But I love my current teacher so much that it is worth it -- when the alarm goes off, I hate it, but after I start my practice, I am so happy. In fact, I was thinking this morning that even if he taught at night (my preferred exercise time), I might keep up these early mornings instead...they have freed up my nights and I love that.

After practicing for years and years, I have done pretty much every kind of yoga there is. I have my favorites and my least favorites, but I've always thought for a person like me with my injury/body issues that Iyengar would be really nice to get to have on a consistent basis. Despite searching over the years, I never found a place to get that...until now. Yes, my teacher is Iyengar-based hatha yoga -- we work hard on specifics of placement and holding poses -- we do NOT do lots of "vinyasa" or "flow" (which is so popular in L.A. that you can almost find nothing else). It's not very woo-woo, but I have gotten enough of that in the past that I can breathe and meditate on my own during class without someone telling me what to do. What I cannot do is see myself (unless I look in the mirrors, which I try not to do)...and a good teacher is key to this. (This morning, in headstand, my feet were apparently doing something weird -- no way could I have seen it and I couldn't feel it even when Teacher moved my feet to the correct position -- I needed him to show me with his hands so I could SEE.)

What prompted my ahhhhh here? Last Saturday I went to my regular 1:15 class and (gasp!) my regular awesome teacher was not there and (gasp again!) the sub was the horrible teacher I tried once before and swore never again. I had met a friend and she said "do you want to just go and get a cup of coffee?". I declined because I really needed yoga -- whatever that was that day. And it was NOT what I like, what I needed or what I want. But I stuck it out. I sweated a lot. And it was yogaerobics, not yoga. I CAN do all the poses in the universe in an hour and 15 minutes without holding one for more than a few seconds, but I don't WANT to.

After that debacle, I decided I had to get on Teacher's mailing list so I wouldn't have such a disappointing experience again. I tracked him down through a new Facebook friend who is in my class. And, voila!, I am now saved. ;-)

I love yoga (when it's good...and sometimes even when it's bad) so much. I have time to empty my mind and focus on just being in my body. And, in addition to being quite a bit thinner than it was in May, my body is stronger and healthier. My knees and back are giving me almost no trouble (although I have to modify some poses). My disposition is, I think, much happier. And this feels like HOME.

[Side note: I gained about 4.5 pounds at Burning Man due to eating total crap for a week and it could have been A LOT worse. All but about 1.5 are already gone. I am reminded how important it is to get back on that wagon quickly after a vacation.]

Back from our first wedding

It was perfect. Not perfect as in no flaws, but perfect like we are perfect for each other. It was non-traditional and there wasn't a dry eye in the house. Here are some photos but the video is better -- e-mail me if you are not a friend on FB so haven't had access to the video.

Now for The Forever Honeymoon...and our next wedding next summer!!

The Numbers

After two of the most stressful weeks ever (which I will write about someday), and racing off to Burning Man wedding, I had an appointment with my gyne this morning. The numbers speak for themselves (first number is May reading, second is early this week):

Estradiol: 53 (too low), 113.5 (great)
Progesterone: .6, .6 (both ok)
Testosterone: 35 (too low), 137 (too high -- explains irritability that DB has noticed)

Thyroid is still low (now T4 is 1.07, and it was 1.69) but better...heading toward healthy range.

MOST interesting though are the cholesterol and glucose results -- my doc said when she saw the results she said to herself "what is she doing?!" -- without further ado:

Cholesterol: 242 (bad), 186 (MUCH better -- now in healthy range)
Glucose (Hemoglobin Alc): 5.8 (bad), 5.0 (great)
eAG (estimated average

My good cholesterol also went up and bad went down.

My calcium is still too high, but I am continuing with less vitamin D so hopefully it will keep coming down too.

And, drum roll, please: I am down 20 pounds from my (brief) highest weight in May and a good solid 15 pounds less than the plateau that I was struggling with early this year. About 3 more pounds to go until I hit a new low (which, to be realistic, will not happen on vacation next week -- although I plan to be as careful as I can).

So -- red rice yeast, no yolks, cutting down on red meat, no cheese, and some other supplements REALLY seem to have worked.

Yay!

It's still working...and I'm still working it

Each week lately I hit a "new low" for this phase of my journey with weight. It's usually at the end of the week and early in the week I "gain" back a bit. But the trend remains downward, week after week. I am so happy that I have been writing my weight down every day for a few years...it lets me see the patterns...and how they change.

Almost all the clothes in my closet fit and look good. At my current weight, I feel and look healthy. 10 or 15 pounds more than this, I don't. I wore a pair of jeans last Friday that I haven't worn in over a year and that felt really good. I have also worn some things that have NEVER fit (because I bought them too small...thinking I'd keep losing...and didn't).

I am 5 pounds or so above my lowest weight from October 2009. And, yes, I would like to lose those 5 pounds too and 5 more for good measure.

I am more fit than I was a few years ago, I think. I feel strong and graceful getting back into my Yoga Body. I still am getting up at an hour I never have before (voluntarily) for yoga twice a week (class starts at 6:45). Getting up is hard, but once I am there I am so happy.

Trying on my wedding dresses (I have 14 -- two for each day of Burning Man -- my art project = me = The Bride!), my arms look toned and strong. And wedding dresses are seemingly engineered to look and fit better than any clothes I have ever worn before -- I swear I look, well, beautiful in every one! What fun!

I am still going to therapy but am considering quitting -- the One Big Thing that I wanted to deal with doesn't seem to be coming up with this therapist. Some weeks it is useful, but mostly I feel like I'm wasting time and money.

We are heavily into pre-Burning Man preps, but I think we will be good and ready by the time we leave on August 28. It will be a special year, for sure! DB and I are determined to stay healthy.

I go in for blood work and gyne appointment the week before we leave. I am excited (and hopeful) that the meds, supplements and small dietary changes that I have made show in the blood work. Right now, I am using my scale as a gauge of health -- seeing my weight go down the past couple of months with minimal diet and exercise changes has made me realize what a useful tool it is for that. I should have known earlier this year when my weight was weird and I couldn't fix it that something else in my system was too.

Work continues exceedingly busy...but I am taking deep breaths and trying to remain calm! ;-)

A friend signed off an e-mail recently with something I really love and am going to start to use:

If anything can go well, it will.