Friday, August 1, 2008

I dodged a bullet

The past two days I have been trying to prepare myself for what I was very sure would be a horrible weigh-in this morning. I have been BAD the past week with drinking (nearly every night). I have not been bad with food, but those alcohol calories add up and I know it. I have also been feeling very fat...I was sure that I was on my way back up the scale in a big way. I even told DB that I thought I had gained "10 pounds" this week. Well, surprise surprise, the scale was kind to me this morning -- I'm "down" 0.8. Weird. Of course, as soon as I saw that, I started to feel skinnier. The power of the scale...

But I need to think about this. What does this mean? DB is sure that my metabolism is "getting better". Could be. I am exercising well. I'm on new hormones (the past month) and I am feeling a lot better. My digestion is working better than it has in years. But I was far from good this week so how can the scale be right? Exercise? Maybe. I have been good with the gym this week and also have gotten some inadvertent exercise too. Anyway, who knows? I will have to think more about it. And I also have to NOT take this for granted....

I have been feeling fatter even though (apparently) I am not fatter. This is the mystery of size perception. As I have settled into the weight I now am (and I've been within two or so pounds very consistently over the past two months -- a real maintenance plateau which is better here, nearly 30 pounds down, than at the last maintenance point where I was for about 2 years), I feel that I look fatter even though I'm the same. I feel fatter because I haven't been losing for two months. This discourages me a lot. I am losing the happy excitement of the February-May months where I was consistently losing every week. And that was very motivating for me. Where do I get my motivation from next?

Maybe I get it from looking in the mirror and not being entirely happy with where I am yet. If I can get about 10 more pounds off, I will feel fabulous. I will feel like I look fabulous. After 27 or so pounds, 10 doesn't seem like very much. And maybe that's what's keeping me from biting the bullet and just getting rid of it already. Or maybe I'm afraid that I'm going to have to be terribly Drastic to keep my weight at that lower place. I don't know the answers, but I'm definitely asking myself the questions. Because I DO want just a little bit more OFF.

Tomorrow, in addition to the gym, I should get some good exercise -- PD1 and two of her kids will be with us at the beach all day waiting to pick Princess up from the airport (she has been back east visiting her dad's family). Sunday is a great festival at the beach right near our house: the Festival of the Chariots. With yoga being kind of my religion, I love my brothers and sisters in the Krishna Consciousness movement. Not to mention that there is amazing food and exhibits and shopping for Indian goods. Hare Hare!!

Wishing everyone a good weekend...

2 comments:

Vickie said...

do you think it is the fat pocket thing? that you are more toned - therefore your body is "pushing out" the last bits? I still go through that - am posting about it tomorrow.

I remember you saying that in retrospect your "thin" pictures (from the "last time") look sickly to you now. Are you at that same poundage or below or above? And are you more toned?

L.G. said...

Size perception...Helen, I've been thinking about this since I've regained about 13-15 pounds. I thought I felt fat then but now I feel it even more so and on some days, REALLY more so.

Yet, when I go to the gym, the scale still shows 13 pounds and not the 15-20 that I imagine.

Maybe the trick is that you are still instituting good habits overall. In other words, some good days and some not so good days but over all the ratio is more good than bad. I'm glad your number turned out so good.