Monday, March 9, 2009

Today starts The Crackdown

No more is the first day of The New Drastic a/k/a The Crackdown.

I know what I have to do...I just have been having a helluva time DOing it. But today that all changes. I may not know how to do this forever, but I will do The Crackdown until I get to the point where I start to figure out The Maintenance...again. And then I'll do that. It may (and probably will) take me the rest of my life. I don't love that idea, but I clearly don't have a choice...I must keep up The War (see post two weeks ago) least for now.

This weekend was very so-so...but I did TRY (and DB is trying too). I didn't have time to go to the gym yesterday so I will go tonight (usually "off" night).

We took Princess for a little shopping yesterday -- we wanted to reward her for some recent improvements at school without FOOD. As soon as we got into the car, the first thing she said was "can we get a snack?". Sigh. I told her that I forget about being hungry when I'm shopping and said we should see if maybe that would work for her too. It did. But as soon as we were finished shopping, she started talking about how hungry she was. Not hungry enough to eat an apple or even frozen yogurt (which we figured would be ok for her)...she wanted a burger. We didn't get it for her. We went to Starbucks to get a small snack and she chose chocolate milk...maybe not perfect, but at least not a burger from Wendy's!

I have NO idea how to help Princess and that makes me feel so bad. I so don't want her to have to fight The War like I have for my whole life. But I don't know how to help me so I don't know how to help her. It sucks. It breaks my heart. Maybe I'm overreacting because I sympathize so much...or not.

Tried to talk with DB about some stuff about food yesterday so he understands that what works for him might not work for me and vice versa, but that was a disaster. Although he has not had to fight his weight for his whole life like I have, he is certain that he knows all the answers about how to lose successfully (uh, yeah right...). I know what works for me...while I am struggling right now with a relatively minor gain, I've kept off nearly 100 pounds for almost 15 years...I don't presume to tell him what will work for him (he would disagree with this, by the way!) but I admit I DO suggest things that have worked for me. He says he wants to lose 30 pounds (which, in my opinion will make him too skinny, but that's up to him)...we'll see. At any rate, it's good to have him focusing on health might make things easier for me if he's not ordering the cream and nut-filled entrees for dinner (like he was looking at last night)!! ;-)

The Weight is SUCH a fraught topic for's hard to talk about with DB...but I am trying.

Thanks to all of your for your comments on Friday...I was in a very dark place...but maybe it's darkest before the dawn, ya think? :-)


Cindy...154 said...

I am with you on the Crackdown. I am fed up entirely. I read my summer and fall posts that described how happy I was with my body and I felt like crying. I am not too far from that spot though, really just ten pounds. But it feels like ten pounds of pure body fat, and it is, which takes up a heck of a lot of space. I am so aware of it, but I am not going to let it run my life or pull me any further down. today was a much better day. I had carrots for a bedtime snack. I know some food programs shun carrots but for me they stave off a sweet tooth in a healthy way. Let's do this thing now, and together. We know we can.

Laura N said...

It's good to remind yourself that you've kept off over 100 pounds for 15 years. Never lose sight of that.

I am with you on the Crackdown, too. I haven't started it yet, but I'm in the "pre start/contemplate" stage. Again. I just know what I'm currently doing has to stop. And the crack diet is, by far, my best choice to get results & be able to live with the process.

We can do this.