Friday, May 1, 2009


First off, I am wearing "skinny" jeans today that I haven't even dared to try on since January. They are tight, but not too uncomfortable. When I realized they fit, I actually didn't care too much that I gained 0.4 pounds this week. That was a miracle in itself with all the socializing that happened this week. I've maintained in the same neighborhood for the last 3 weeks and need to move down starting NOW! I've got a few months before St. John and at least 10 pounds to lose.

I was thinking about hunger last night and how I react to it. I feel very very uncomfortable with hunger. It makes me feel sick, anxious, angry almost. I realized this as I drove to the gym last night...I was very hungry...I had been perfect all day...I watched my reactions. I felt like I wasn't going to make it through the workout without food. If I would have had some available, I would have eaten (this is one reason I don't generally keep food easily available in places like my car). I was thinking about this reaction to it obsesses me until it is fed...and I felt almost angry. I felt angry that I had to think about all this. I felt angry that I couldn't just eat any old thing any old time like I perceive other people do. I felt angry that I have to deal with my issues about this!! Grrrrrrrr

But, miracle of miracles, as I knew would happen, I forgot about hunger at the gym. I remembered when I left the gym, but the hunger wasn't as nagging. I went home, had my usual salad then popsicle and that was it. I can do it, but it's a struggle. I hate that it's a struggle.

Hunger sucks.


Vickie said...

First - Don't know if this will interest you or bug you -but I thought I would pass it on for your review.:

Second: I totally realize that your schedule is your schedule - you can't exercise mornings and you can't work evenings - but I ponder -

if the night time hunger is due to

the time of day - some type of sun-downers response - chemical thing?
the fact that you are not at work/busy - and when you 'release you mind' it goes to food?
the fact that you exercise in the evening.

is what you are eating not holding you?
is it habit?
strongly imprinted as family/love/food at the end of the day?

Maybe some of those will seem like exactly the same thing - to me they were all slightly different - and perhaps you can think of even more.

Helen said...

Thanks for the link -- I have read all about that and, sorry, I'm still not willing to give up my cocktails completely! I'd love to be able to have one a day, but I can't and keep my weight down. I have realized that! :-(

As to the nighttime hunger, I think all of these really are elements of it:

-the time of day - some type of sun-downers response - chemical thing

-the fact that I am not at work (although usually am busy) - and when I 'release my mind' it goes to food


-strongly imprinted as family/love/food at the end of the day

I don't think it's because I exercise at night...I don't exercise at night on the weekends...ahhh, but I also don't get as hungry in the evenings. Not sure if it's because I eat more on the weekends (I do) or because of lack of schedule. Hmmmmm...

Cindy...154 said...

I am glad you made it through the hunger. I know the feeling. But sometimes I like the feeling of hunger because then I know I am not overeating and that I am waiting until I am hungry to eat. If I wait too long though then I am in danger of eating too much or the wrong stuff. I aslo get irritable when I eat too much and feel too full also. I guess I just need to strike a reasonable balance..Congrats on the jeans, that's such a great perk when the clothes fit.

Vickie said...

so I wonder if the weekend (not hungry) is actually because you are NOT switching gears

If the whole thing (all those points we mentioned above) are actually anxiety in different forms.

my problems always stem from switching gears - queen of routine - and that is all about anxiety - not learning to cope.

I keep typing this out - all over blog land - as I was cleaning off a pile of papers on the computer room counter - I found this note in my therapist's hand writing:

ED (Eating Disordered) individuals do not have coping mechanisms. Use ED to cope. That is how you know an ED is in stress.

So - she is saying - when one turns to food - it is a big pop up sign - STRESS!

And that makes me wonder if you really are hungry - or if it is your sign popping up saying - pay attention - stress going on here.

All I have said might be more about how I react (than you). Because anxiety is such a very big part of me.

Helen said...

VERY interesting idea, Vic...thanks!!! I will pay attention next time I'm getting that angry, sad HUNGER feeling and see what I see... :-)

LG said...

I was thinking you were angry and that's why you were eating or wanted to eat. (I'm also just skimming through things b/c I'm really behind so I might be missing something.)

At least you can tell yourself, I'm wearing the skinny jeans!

I also think it's good that you recognize that you like certain foods and drinks. I think if you had to give that up, you'd be very miserable and it would cause you to snap and do more damage than one little old drink. I hope you're having a great weekend!

Helen said...

It's not angry that's making me hungry, I'm angry that I AM hungry.

(I am not hungry now, by the way. Just had a good healthy breakfast and heading to gym next. I don't seem to get angry at the hungry on the weekend when it comes up...)