Some thoughts on day two of Doing The Drastic

I was SO ready to do this. I feel kind of a sigh of relief to have some really strict "rules" in place in my head for the coming weeks. I know I can be strict with myself...I just have to set my mind to it and (while I know I've said this before and have not REALLY done it) I have set my mind this time.

Like when I quit smoking and settled into "smoking is not an option" as a mantra, there is a kind of weight off my shoulders when I don't have to worry about the eating or drinking anymore -- there is what I will and won't do and no middle ground...at least for a time. In a way, this opens up so many more possibilities....

I know it will take a few weeks for this not-drinking, not-snacking to feel normal. And I'm under no illusion that it will be easy. But I am a person who likes knowing what's next: I know what I will eat for each meal of the day if not specifically then I know the parameters. I know what I WON'T eat or drink. I know what days I exercise and when. I know when I will be "allowed" to drink and have treats again (in fact, I will be allowed to drink this Friday ONLY...long-scheduled dinner with a bunch of friends). So this is a good thing for me.

Last night I got hungry about 10:30 and, rather than making some popcorn (a snack that IS allowed actually), I brushed my teeth and headed to bed with DB. We watched some Arrested Development (we love this show on DVD and are rationing our last few episodes that we have left) then went to sleep. And started today all over again.

If I keep this up and don't start losing substantially (I'll give it a month), I need to talk with my doctors about what is wrong with my metabolism. DB is so cute -- he's reading about metabolism and dieting and everything and sending me links today. If I didn't have his non-judgmental support in this, I would be in a bad way...and I know how lucky I am that I do...I am so sensitive about this that any stray remark could really HURT me. It's particularly great since he's never had to deal with a weight problem (he would say "until now") and doesn't know how truly awful the damage is that it does to your heart and mind.

Giving up the comforting foods and drinks strips away all the last stuff I use to anesthetize myself from feelings...I've been through this in therapy and I know this is what I do. It's not always fun, but it is ALWAYS educational and spirit-expanding when I let go of the anesthesia...even for a little while. :-)