Part of my intake process at the new gym was filling out a pretty extensive questionnaire about goals, lifestyle, etc. I didn't take it too seriously at the time but there was a list of things you want to improve and you were supposed to rank them in order of importance. I made almost all of them equal (lose weight, get fitter, tone, relieve stress, etc.). But, as I reflected over the past week, the truth is that what I really want is to feel fit again.
The scale IS important to me. It is an outside objective observer. Only it's not really. At my new gym, there are women who I am sure weigh a lot more than me...but they are large and HARD. They are hugely muscley and probably what everyone would call FIT. Now, being at THE muscle-builder gym of the universe, they are NOT what I am working toward. But they do show me that the scale, while VERY important, is not ALL.
Maybe I'm just saying all this to myself to make myself feel better that, while I've had little 2-pound-down fluctuations, the scale goes back up and I have not lost any weight since starting to work out again almost two weeks ago. I am still perplexed by this - how can I be working out SO much more, eating the same and having the scale stay the same? I don't know.
What I do know, though, is that I want to keep working toward FIT. I remember feeling STRONG in my body. I want to feel that way again...whatever the scale says.
Soooo...my trainer kicked my butt tonight...almost literally!! I have never worked with a trainer before...because, as I said before, I wanted to WORK while at the gym, not chat. Well, my friends, tonight my little 2% body weight trainer showed me that you can talk AND work HARD. There got to be a point where I literally couldn't lift my leg. The things we did were simple, but (I hope) effective. She gets it that my weight goes in my middle -- from upper leg through lower belly. I don't gain substantially elsewhere. So we worked that area...a LOT. I think I will be good-sore tomorrow. While we did work legs, my knees tonight are feeling ok. Hopefully the quad work helped and didn't hurt.
But there is another little story as I chatted with my trainer -- this girl has won competitions for fitness -- she told me that, if she doesn't wake up sore, she wonders what she did wrong the previous day. Yes, you know what's next. She's into addictive exercise behavior. She told me tonight she's ready to be a mom...I wonder how she will handle those body changes. She is really a sweetheart and I will learn stuff from her, but I do worry about that. She looks great and is fit but she is as weird about her body (in another way) as We are.
I'm excited about a new exercise adventure. And I just want to be FIT, dammit.