Friday, December 29, 2006

Sugar is not a term of endearment to me

Today's topic: SUGAR.

I am not a sugar person. I will ALWAYS take a chip or something salty (including salad or a vegetable) over something sugary. It's not that I don't LIKE sugar, it's just that it's not the treat I would ever choose given a choice. (I think this is because my mom is a sugaraholic and we always had sugary treats as children, but never chips.) Unfortunately, at Christmastime, the choices are usually sugar and more sugar. And, being a human being, I do partake.

But I have noticed over the past week of food debauchery that it's really REALLY yucky to my system:

1. The aftertaste is truly horrible -- some kind of combination of yuck and more yuck.
2. My body feels almost instantly bloated. I haven't been on a scale this week (scared), but all my muscle tone seems to be jiggling around as flab...after less than a week of eating some sugar every day! :-(
3. Even though the aftertaste is horrible and it makes me feel cranky, lethargic and generally YUCK, my body craves MORE. I can eat jillions of calories of donut (for example) for breakfast and I am WAY hungrier for lunch...or whatever SUGAR I can find lurking in the office, pantry or drawer.

Noticing all this is new. My body is reacting like a true addict (something with which I am unfortunately familiar due to years of battling an addiction to smoking) -- my body/mind (I think addiction involves both) craves the thing that is bad for it (in this case, sugar) and nags at me until its irrational hunger is fed.

Sooo...I can't wait for the holiday sugar orgy to be over and to get back to really "clean" eating. But there is still that vat of toffee in my fridge that I just can't seem to let go... ;-)

We'll hopefully be watching the ball drop in NYC from a playground in Central Park (no Times Square for me, NO THANKS!)...wishing everyone a wonderful, healthy New Year!

Thursday, December 28, 2006

I'm SO MySpacey

I just nabbed this off another blog that I linked to through someone on AFG and it feels sooo MySpacey (is anyone else out there who is over 30 on MySpace?!) that I just had to have fun with it while I sit here waiting for DB to come get me for (sushi) dinner (bold are ones I've done except where I can't figure out how to delete her bolds! -- how 'bout you?):

1. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
2. Swam with wild dolphins
3. Climbed a mountain (well, a SMALL one!)
4. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
5. Been inside the Great Pyramid
6. Held a tarantula
7. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
8. Said “I love you” and meant it
9. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby’s diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer (I didn't do this one, but can't figure out how to unbold for some reason!! Ahhh...maybe 'cause I don't even know how to have 2 hard drives!)
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days (well, I've done two cleanses and it's not REAL food!)
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest (nope, didn't do this...again, can't unbold from where I copied it from!)
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an “expert”
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror (at the theatre!)
96. Raised children (well, working on it..)
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
98. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
99. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
100. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
101. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
102. Had plastic surgery
103. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
104. Wrote articles for a large publication
105. Lost over 100 pounds
106. Held someone while they were having a flashback
107. Piloted an airplane
108. Touched a stingray
109. Broken someone’s heart (actually, I'm not sure)
110. Helped an animal give birth
111. Won money on a T.V. game show
112. Broken a bone
113. Gone on an African photo safari
114. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
115. Fired a rifle, shotgun or pistol
116. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
117. Ridden a horse
118. Had major surgery
119. Had a snake as a pet
120. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
121. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
122. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
123. Visited all 7 continents
124. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
125. Eaten kangaroo meat
131. Touched a cockroach
126. Eaten sushi
127. Had your picture in the newspaper
128. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
129. Gone back to school
130. Parasailed
131. Touched a cockroach (why is this here twice?!)
132. Eaten fried green tomatoes
133. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey
134. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
135. Killed and prepared an animal for eating (yikes, sorry, NO WAY)
136. Skipped all your school reunions
137. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
138. Been elected to public office
139. Written your own computer language
140. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
141. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
142. Built your own PC from parts
143. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
144. Had a booth at a street fair
145. Dyed your hair
146. Been a DJ
147. Shaved your head
148. Caused a car accident
149. Saved someone’s life

I'm still a beginner!

In SO many ways, but in this case, I'm talking about this blog. Vickie let me know that for some reason I had my comments set so no one could make a comment unless they were a "team member". Well, since I'm the whole "team" here, that's pretty restrictive, eh? ;-) Not sure how that happened, but I've fixed it (at least I hope I have...).

Feeling very very poochy today -- I've been eating WAY too much meat the past few days and it does not digest through my system. Oh, and the superexcellent toffee bucket I receive from a client late last week probably doesn't help much either! ;-) At least it's not all gone -- I've hidden it in my fridge and have actually managed to forget it -- most of the time! ;-)

All this overdoing has really made me ready to get back to it seriously next week. I'm already pulling way back...and feeling much better for it. The real splurges have only happened over the past week (since the slippery potluck), so hopefully the damage isn't TOO bad.

I'm looking forward to NYC, but have SO much to do before then (again, good to be busy, hard to stuff face while running around packing, taking down tree, shopping for trip, etc.). I wish I didn't have to be at the office this week, but silly law firms really feel like they have to be open (even though I have gotten a total of ONE phone call and maybe 5 e-mails all week). Of course, there is plenty of catching up I could be doing, but somehow I'd rather not... ;-)

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Fun, tiring WONDERFUL Christmas!

The past several days have been a whirlwind of fun and family and (unfortunately) food. I'm pooped!!

After the potluck last week, I tossed the diet to the wind a bit...I still tried to not overeat too much, but it has been hard with all the treats (salty and sweet) and egg nog that have wandered into my range of vision...and my mouth! Truthfully, I'm trying not to feel TOO bad. I am not a one who thinks that eating a piece of broccoli and grilled chicken on Christmas is EVER going to work for me...I'll never want to be thin enough where giving up ALL pleasureful food on special occasions will happen. There is nothing like sharing treats with my family and friends...we all know we're being "bad", but it tastes so good!!

I will try to get back on the wagon gradually this week, although we are off to NYC this Saturday and I will have less control over what is available to eat (even though my sister who we are visiting has been watching her weight too). Hopefully all the walking will help. I think I'll skip weighing this week and jump back on the wagon next week.

On non-food notes: I had sooo much fun over the past days! We had a wonderful Christmas celebration with DB's daughters and their families (including the darling and beloved 3 1/2 grandchildren) on Saturday. Everyone loved their gifts and the best one I got was the continued acceptance of my into DB's family by his girls and grandgirls, etc. I am overwhelmed sometimes with how lucky I am to not only have found DB, but also to have been so blessed with these girls (and soon grandboy) to love too.

Christmas Eve was a bit quieter. My mom came up in the afternoon and a friend from SF also arrived. We all went to (our traditional) Indian dinner, then drove around looking at lights (the past couple of years, we have walked the canals to look at lights after dinner, but this year, Mommy's feet were hurting and I'm still not totally up to lots of walking with the knee). Then home to play games (90s Trivial Pursuit and Scene It) before bed.

As always, Santa was very very good to me. In addition to just being so grateful to be with my mom and DB, the gifts were pretty great this year. My most special is the diamond heart necklace from DB...I have never received such a beautiful piece of jewelry from a man and it surprised me a little at how emotional I was (even though I really really really wanted some romantic heart jewelry...I wasn't sure DB really meant A LOT to me that he did).

After the gifts on Christmas Day, DB and I headed up to his parents' house (about an hour and a half away) to visit with another part of his (big Irish Catholic) family! Fun!! A sister of DB who I had never met was visiting from Texas) and his brother (who also lives in TX and who is just fantastic) were both visiting along with assorted grandkids. It was a great time with lots of relatives (not something I ever had experience with being one of two kids and not ever having been close with extended family). We had a campfire in the bbq out overlooking the mountains and ocean...and all 5 bedrooms in the house were full on Christmas night! :-)

Tonight I've gotta take down the Xmas tree, then tomorrow more Xmas with friends then Saturday off to NYC!

Wishing a very happy healthy New Year to all!!

Thursday, December 21, 2006


The slippery slope continued today with my firm's staff potluck lunch. I took a "red and green tossed salad) -- very yummy and very healthy. Unfortunately, at the end of the potluck, it was apparent that no one wants to eat salad at Christmas! :-) This means that I have a heckuva lot of salad left to eat over the coming days. This is not a bad thing -- I am one who also doesn't want to eat salad at Christmas so having it here tonight after indulging (pumpkin date bread, how do I love thee?) a bit too much today was a very good thing. Tonight dinner is SALAD. (And probably tomorrow and...)

I did my weigh in this morning and was THRILLED to see that I had gained a wee 1.5 pounds since last week. (I admit it's a good thing that this was BEFORE the potluck...I feel like I can barely breathe this evening!) If I can keep this up until next week, I'll have made it through the worst and can buckle down again (not to mention that I will be in NYC over New Years and will get a lot of inadvertent exercise with all the walking).

Had Christmas with my best friend last night and our dinner was: SALAD. It was a yummy treat salad that I don't get much anymore because the dressing is BAD, but it was still a SALAD of all the things we could have chosen. I felt good about that.

Now I'm just all hyped up about much stuff happening over the next few days -- Christmas with DB's kids' families, then with my mom and DB on Xmas Eve, then up to DB's parents to see some of his sibs on Christmas night into Boxing Day. It doesn't sound too relaxing, but I am so looking forward to all of it because it means no more shopping! I absolutely LOVE to shop, but this Christmas I think I am shopped out for the first time in my life. ;-) Probably because we're extreme shopping with looking for houses and finances are scary when that is in the mix...

On the very good chance that I won't be here again until after Christmas and on the off chance that ANYONE even reads this (!), I wish you all the happiest of holidays and love and laughter in the coming year.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

I just ate a cookie...

...BIG mistake.

(I don't even really LIKE sweets. But I felt like I deserved to join in with the festivities and this is the first "bad" thing I've eaten. It was yummy. BUT now my mouth feels icky and I'll crash soon. Do you think that walking/shopping at lunchtime -- which I haven't done in a LONG time -- will balance out my transgression?)


Thursday, December 14, 2006

A weirdly different day

I don't recommend this, but I have lost quite a bit at my weigh-in today because I was vomit-sick last night! It's UNBELIEVABLE how much difference something small like that makes. I actually am down over 4 pounds from last week. WEIRD.

Today I think I'll be on broth/soup so hopefully can keep at least a little of this "false loss".

It still felt good to see that weight this morning (lower than it's been since the beginning finally!)...even while my belly still hurts! ;-)

I think it would be a nice gift from the universe if I am allowed to keep this loss...whaddya say? :-)

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Getting real

OK, I give up...there is no realistic way that I am going to lose weight over the holidays. There is just TOO much partying and it's just too depressing to COMPLETELY say "no". ;-)

SO, my new goal: MAINTAIN over the next couple of weeks then hit the diet again HARD in January. By the way, this is not my license to myself to eat anything and everything that comes into my house, office or line of sight (LOL)...I still will eat low-fat, low-cal most of the time, but I will not hate myself if I have ONE cracker from the gift basket I just received (for example) or if I don't lose anything the next couple of weeks. Of course, I hope that by some miracle I will still's happened for me before at Christmastime, but with my inability to really exercise (darn slow recovery from knee surgery), it's unlikely this year.I'll still weigh-in each Thursday (or more often) to make sure I don't lose control.

I sure wish I could exercise... :-(

Friday, December 8, 2006

I'm not sure how much I weigh but it's not GOOD :-(

Yesterday (my weigh-in day) I got on the scale and it showed that I was up FIVE POUNDS in the past two weeks since Thanksgiving. I took a good long look at that scale, then I took a good long look at the way I've been festivitizing the past couple of weeks. For me, it's not the cookies or cakes or candy that is really the problem. For me, it's volume. And it's also (to be totally honest) drinking. I have a few glasses of wine and my willpower goes out the window so I have:

- just one more glass of wine (or 3)
- just one more salmon hors d'oeuvre (or 5)
- just FIVE MORE POUNDS on my butt!!

Sooooo...I've decided that I must only drink at parties/special occasions (i.e., no, having dinner at friends' house while watching tv is NOT a party!). And I've GOT to get a grip.

Did very well yesterday. And today the scale is down 2 pounds.

I don't believe that darn scale! Last week it said I was up and I felt skinny, this week it says I'm up and I feel FAT. But I am hanging on to the fact that it is still DOWN from when I started.

But I will not be in denial about what it says. It's not good. I hope it's better next week...but this is a darn hard time of year to do this...

Tuesday, December 5, 2006

In Search of...Motivation

Tis the season unmotivated! Things are stressful lately -- work, selling house, buying house, moving in with DB -- lots of things which are happy, but stressful. If anyone is out there and happened to read the now-deleted rant from very late on Sunday night you know that DB and I had a big fight...probably not unrelated to all this stress to be honest. The happy part about that was the post-fight talk...such a relief to be able to talk with someone and feel pretty darn sure that they are on the same wavelength as you even though sometimes you feel a million miles away. I think we really are ready to make the big living together step and I couldn't be happier!! :-) the past weekend of parties every night (yes, EVERY NIGHT) and then the blow-up, I have been careless with the eating (and drinking). I am still feeling thinner and MORE in control, but not IN CONTROL. I need motivation. I know the only place to find it is inside. I'm having a hard time with all of that with no ability to go to yoga (my refuge) until my knee is at least a little better (and I'm sure I have had a setback on that too after dancing non-stop for about 3 hours, ok, maybe 2, at my office party last Friday!).

Discombobulated. That's how I'm feeling. And it's hard to have discipline when that's in effect.

Going out (on-line) now to look for inspiration...