Friday, June 29, 2007

Today's the day!

I'm feeling much better than last night, thank goodness! :-)

My weigh-in this morning was less than a pound up from last week and I'll take that after a super-stressful week where I definitely put things in my stomach that I normally wouldn't.

I'm also actually getting a little EXCITED about the house now being ours (I haven't gotten formal notice that the deed has recorded, but...).

Best of all, DB might actually be coming home late tonight...I think maybe I've just needed a hug this week and I would have felt better.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

The last night not owning any house

Today the loan for the new house funded. Tomorrow the deed records and we officially own our new house! For some reason, I've been feeling totally nauseous today...could be that work is beyond hectic and I'm having to juggle house stuff with all that during the day. At the end of the day today, I literally thought I was having a heart attack or stroke. TOO MUCH STRESS. So I came home, walked Doglet, did yoga, had a salad, talked with DB, had some wine, PACKED, showered, did laundry...and that's all within the past 3 1/2 hours! Are you getting the picture of how hectic things are? Sigh...
DB said to me today that it's like we're married (and he was saying that in a happy way)...buying a place together like this is a HUGE commitment. I have never done anything approaching that hugeness. He has been married twice, has owned homes before with at least one wife. I have never gone into something where I wasn't totally able to handle it ALONE. And this mortgage I cannot handle alone. I think that's at least a part of what is making me feel...weird.
I also think that if we could move in to OUR place this weekend, I would be more excited...facing a move this weekend and another one in two months is not so fun.
Anyway...I'll post and write more when I can get time and thoughts together...I'll be off-line for at least a little bit this weekend.

Monday, June 25, 2007

The last night with this being MY house

In a few hours, this house -- so dear to me -- will not be "mine" anymore. Tomorrow the deed is recorded and it is officially not MY house anymore. A secret - the people buying my house are very dear friends of mine. This lets me be a lot happier about leaving this special haven than I might have been. With the new house being such a drama, it's hard to feel too excited about moving yet...there are a lot of hurdles DB and I still have to leap before we sink into the Home that is waiting for us. But we're on the road to Home. And this dear home is on the road to the rest of its days...starting with welcoming my well-loved friends and their children to its warm walls. While I am ready to say goodbye to my past here and I always am excited to move on to the next chapter of my life, there is always a tinge of sadness as the transition happens. Just the first transition this week...I breathe and start to say goodbye.

Friday, June 22, 2007

What a week!

I haven't had the energy to write this week at all until now. And, frankly, I thought I might not be writing today in fear of what the scale might say. So, I'll get that out of the way right away -- I'm down FIVE pounds from last Friday. I guess the Queen of Fluctuations title still holds true for me. Now I'm back down to almost my lowest since I started this up-and-down trip. I have no idea how or why I'm down this week...I did horrible with WOW (excuses later) which was the one thing I did badly last week. I did my exercises (walking and pilates -- thanks again to Vickie for recommending the Ana Caban Beginner Mat Workout -- I love it!) as scheduled. I ate right (well, except for the 10 pounds of cheese that I ate before The Police show on Wednesday). But I also drank every night because... was a very stressful week with the house. On Wednesday, I found out that my mortgage broker had made a horrible mistake that I had to scramble and beg to get fixed. I was crying most of the day in fear and anger -- we could have lost the house, our deposit and gotten sued by the seller. Not one of the happiest days. The good news is that I did manage to pull it together and (at least as far as I know) we're back on track to close next Friday.

Wednesday was also the long-awaited Police show. I was so mad that I was crying all day on that day of all days!! I was worried my contacts would be too cloudy to see them and that I would end up having to wear my glasses which, while DB says he loves me in them and I think I look good, just don't make me feel as pretty as not having them. But they turned out to be ok. We had a fantastic time at the show -- they are an amazing band, I love love LOVE the songs, I danced and screamed and danced and sang and danced non-stop for 2 hours. It was wonderful exercise...I really felt it in my thighs yesterday!! DB didn't even want to go to the show (so I actually bought his extremely expensive ticket because I wanted him to go) and he LOVED it totally. He's drummer and just thought Stewart Copeland was amazing (me too). I've loved The Police since college (over 20 years) and have seen Sting many many times, but never saw the whole band before. Only a couple of things I didn't like -- there was virtually NO interaction with the audience (Sting literally said one sentence all night and the others said NOTHING) and the audience itself wasn't very peppy. Maybe that's how shows like these are these days...people spend SO much money that they are all rich and can't let loose and just PARTY and enjoy the show. I kept looking around our section and people were barely moving their heads...I was jumping up and down and could they not??? Anyway...

We went with my good friend whose marriage is slowly being over and her soon-to-be-ex-husband. Needless to say, they didn't quite have the lovey dovey wonderful time DB and I did together. And I think they were contagious...after we got home, DB and I had a blow up. I think it was mostly because the day up until the show had been just SO stressful with the mortgage problem. I ended up the day crying like I started. Sobbing is more like it. DB ended up holding me and we slept cuddled up toes to head.

Yesterday I couldn't even wear my contacts because of all the crying the day before (and, to be honest, because of the HUGE hangover I had). I still managed to do my exercise last night. Good me! :-)

So here I am on another Friday...looking at another Saturday when I say goodbye to DB for another week while he goes to take care of his parents. And another weekend of packing (I move next weekend!!). And I'm supposed to go to a birthday party for my mortgage broker on Sunday...not feeling too much like it after this week, but I guess I have to go...

At least my weight is down this week. :-)

Monday, June 18, 2007

Another Monday...

...another day to start anew...will try to be better with WOW this week and will continue the other "good behaviors". I'm looking forward to my "new gym", i.e., biking or doglet walking and pilates or yoga on my regular "gym" days. In addition to mad packing (yes, that's a lot of exercise!) yesterday, I also managed to do the Doglet walk and pilates before dinner. I also walked a lot at the beach on Saturday with DB, his daughter and two grandkids...and I carried the baby (all 17 pounds of him!) most of the time. That's gotta be good for the arms, etc. Am feeling all the work in my butt and thighs today...and it feels good. :-)

Wishing myself luck for the next couple of weeks...lots going on with the move...and I'm getting very excited to see The Police on Wednesday night!! :-)

Friday, June 15, 2007

Stress diet no longer working

I don't even want to say how much I weigh today. It's up and I feel crappy. :-(

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Stumbling toward home

We're on the home stretch for our new home. This doesn't mean that things have gotten's been a very hectic and super stressful week.

I'm doing horribly with WOW...another week of drinking every night...I tell myself it's a reward I deserve after long, hard days. Not like I used to, but still. And we've been eating out every night too...this is bad for my weight even when I order good things (which I virtually always do). At least I'm still exercising (although after tonight I'm temporarily gym-less).

And I got my period today...I think. Even though I'm on hormones which are supposed to make it like clockwork, it's not. I'm 10 days late...I spot often...and I don't even really know what to do about hormone dosage because you usually do it around the days of the month and now mine is all wacky. I need to make an appointment with my gyne to figure this all out, but I have to pay her up front and get reimbursed and right now I don't have the hundreds of dollars to do that comfortably (gotta save it all for the new house, moving expenses, etc.).

Every day I think "one day closer to home". And I smile through the gritted teeth of yet another day of the rollercoaster. And then I remind myself that, after all, DB is "home" to me...

Monday, June 11, 2007

Time to learn to link

Since I have been tagged by the oh-so-fabulous Frances, I must now learn to link (yes, Vickie sent me instructions back in January and, well, I just haven't gotten around to it!) to tell you all about five blogs that make me think. It's hard to narrow it to five, but here goes:

1. If, and only if, you get tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think.

2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme.

Check out these that make me think (in no order):

Pasta Queen makes me laugh...and she's a fellow Hoosier. Can't wait to read her book!

Thora gots to love that Big Blonde Bombshell. :-)

Vickie OF COURSE. I wouldn't be blogging without her. In so many ways we lead parallel lives and in so many ways NOT.. and that's what makes it fun. ;-)

Lori I know everyone has probably tagged her, but she ALWAYS makes me think and I just love her!

Kate I watch her from afar, almost never comment, but I love what she writes.

and two more to grow on:

Bea because I have a crush on her writing. ;-)

Grumpy 'cause she always makes me think...and LAUGH! :-)



I have always loved children. I'm a big kid myself. I always assumed I would have my own children. But about 10 years ago (when I was in my mid-30s) I really sat down and thought about it...

I didn't have a partner and had never been with someone who was really father material. So, being in my mid-30s, I started to talk with my gyne about other possibilities. I was thinking of artificial insemination because I wanted to have the experience of childbirth (thinking that everyone should try all the delights of life at least once) and I didn't want to chance the problems with the traditional insemination way (i.e., potential conflict with the father even if done as friends or whatever). My gyne handed me a pamphlet that talked about "elderly mothers" (i.e., mothers over 35). It was daunting. It made me think about WHY I was wanting a child. Yes, I love children. Yes, I am good with children. Yes, I have the financial wherewithal to have a child as a single parent. I owned my own home and had space for a child. BUT. But it started to seem really selfish to me to have a child just to have the experience. (And for any of you reading this who have decided to take this path, I am awed by you...yay for you! Your children come into the world loved and wanted and many kids aren't.) So I started to explore other possibilities...

I looked at adoption...both here and abroad. I liked this idea better than artificial insemination for the same reason that I prefer adopting older (not baby) pets. These kids need homes. They already exist. They are beautiful souls. But then I wavered for another reason...I didn't want to make the choice to have a child and deny the child a change to have a father (or, to be politically correct, a co-parent). My father was a gem. A dream daddy. How could I take a child and possibly deny the child the chance to have that beautiful male parent (or co-parent) energy?

Finally, I looked at my life. My life was (and is) pretty darn great. I am attached to my life and my freedom. I realized that I was probably too selfish and set in my ways to adjust easily or happily to a baby/kid full-time in my life. At about the same time, I became an auntie for the first time. I also adopted a dog -- and spent the first night of his life with me (he was one and a half) crying in my backyard because I had to crate him. I realized that disciplining a kid would be even harder than disciplining a dog. And all this stuff added up to one thing: I had plenty of kid energy in my life and having those kids not be my own allowed me a special freedom to love the kids on my own terms -- and not have to be a disciplinarian! ;-)

All of this comes up because I got to spend some really fun time with one of DB's daughters (Teacher Daughter) yesterday. She called me in the morning and asked if I wanted to go check out the new Steve & Barry's in my neighborhood with her and her 4-year-old daughter. Even though I needed to get to the gym and start packing, of course I said "yes"! ;-) (I managed to get to the gym and pack some before we went.) We had a wonderful afternoon -- we even got to spend some time talking about serious stuff (family and relationships mostly) while Cutie Pie granddaughter enjoyed some post-shopping ice cream -- chocolate on the back, vanilla on the front, a/k/a swirl :-). At the end, we were in the Sanrio (Hello Kitty) store at the mall and I told Teacher Daughter that I really love her dad (duh, I'm sure that's obvious) and I really am so lucky to be in their family. She said "we love you too...I just wish you were around when we were growing up." That is probably the most wonderful compliment I have ever gotten. I almost burst into tears all over the Hello Kittys and Badz Marus. I told her that I did too (because they had a hard time with their stepmom), but that the bright side is that I didn't have to go through their teenage years...LOL!

I am so grateful for this bounty of love that I am able to give and receive. :-)

Elle n'est pas belle, la vie?

Friday, June 8, 2007

I was right

And, while usually I take great pride in that kind of statement, not so much today. :-(

The good news is that I am only up a pound. This is lucky after my eating behavior last week and my drinking behavior this week. I would have preferred to see a maintain, but this is really better than I probably deserve.

The bad news is that my gym is closing...NEXT WEDNESDAY. I'm bummed because I don't know another one in my neighborhood that I like yet (although DB gave me a good idea last night), but I have a plan to tide me over until I have investigated: I will cardio by walking Doglet or biking for 20 minutes on my "gym" days, then home to do a 50-minute yoga DVD. Will continue to do the pilates DVDs at other odd times. I think I'll be ok...particularly with all the packing and moving exercise over the next month! ;-)

Hoping very much that DB gets to come home tomorrow, but nothing is certain yet. I miss his sweet face (and other things!). ;-)

Thursday, June 7, 2007

I'm afraid I'm catching up with me

I haven't been "good" this week. I haven't been on WOW at all (i.e., I've had a drink every night). I doubt if my good luck the past few weeks is still holding...I think my "badness" will catch up with me at tomorrow's weigh-in.

Good things: ate well this week, exercised great this week.

Scared to get on the scale...hoping that The Stress Diet might save me from a gain, but I feel it's unlikely.

Must. get. a. grip. I really have NO excuse for my behavior this week. None.

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Cheese and sympathy

There was cheese in our office kitchen today. I ate some. It was delicious, but cheese makes me feel yucky afterwards. Need to remember this.

There was also a lot of raw veggies and salad. I ate a lot. Don't feel so bad about that.

My best friend's marriage is falling apart. Tonight is probably when she'll ask him to leave.

My stomach feels sick. I'm not sure if it's the cheese or the sympathy.

Sunday, June 3, 2007

Feelin' groovy

Today is probably the last weekend day I'll have with no plans until after July and I've made the most of it! DB and I woke up this morning early since he needed to get to Nearby Town. I had planned and made coffee and toasted bagels (I learned to use my broiler to toast since my toaster is in storage...with most of the rest of my stuff!) with fat free cream cheese, lox, sliced red onion and capers. YUM.

After DB left, I did two loads of laundry, cleaned out two drawers (enough to have a tall kitchen garbage bag full of stuff to donate), then returned some stuff that I had bought yesterday and didn't like when I got home (yes, did a little more shopping then too!). Had Taco Bell for lunch about 2.

This afternoon I gardened some (gotta make the house nice for the new owner!), finished up laundry, then took Doglet for a little walk to warm up for my pilates. Did pilates then had a nice cocktail while reading Eat Pray Love (amazing amazing book). Then I wrapped birthday gifts to send to my Darling Sis in NYC. Now I've got La Vie En Rose playing on my iTunes and am headed to shower (that pilates is sweaty!) then Chinese for dinner. Ahhhh Sunday... :-)

Friday, June 1, 2007

Maybe the rollercoaster really does burn calories

I'm down a pound today. I'm shocked. Particularly because it's the TOM week. The only thing that might have saved me is the real estate rollercoaster and consistent exercise. My goal is to use this as inspiration and not get complacent in the coming week.

I get to start really packing this weekend. Some more possibilities are opening up about the move and I'm just not going to bore everyone with writing about them until things are set in stone (more or less). I'm exhausted by the rollercoaster and you must be BORED. ;-)

Other than packing, since DB is going to Nearby Town again next week to help with the parents so we'll be saying our farewells tomorrow. He leaves Sunday. :-(