Sunday, August 24, 2008

Leaving tomorrow early

Well, it's finally time to get to leave and I am SO ready!! :-)

Just about totally packed (I sent most of my stuff in the van with DB and Brooklyn so I'm only taking a backpack and large purse on the plane. My plane leaves at 9 for Reno and, if all goes well, I'll be smooching DB not later than 1:30. :-)

This is the first time since we met that we haven't been in contact for such a long time -- we talked yesterday until he lost the cell connection (there is no connection out there...or for about an hour around). He did manage to find a wifi connection this morning and sent a sweet e-mail along with request for forgotten supplies, but we can't talk whenever we want and it's weird. I guess we'll have plenty to talk about when I get there!! :-)

I am feeling better in the body today...went to gym yesterday, to my mom's pool to swim and visit today and have been eating better since DB and B left. Tonight I'll have a salad (my last GOOD food for the week probably).

I'm excited...and apprehensive as always...Burning Man is never the same...and that is one of it's most powerful qualities.

See you all after Labor good. :-)

Friday, August 22, 2008

I always blog on Fridays

But I have to admit that I'm running low today on this...BAD weigh-in this morning. While I did get on the scale, I didn't even enter it in my running total of weights that I keep in my computer. It's too sad. :-( But I do deserve it. I've been overdoing this week because work and preps for BM have been very very stressful to me. Much more stressful than other years...not sure why. So I'm going to have to recommit big time when I get home.

So I had a sucky weigh-in. But at least I did it.

And as of tonight I'm "free" from my job for 10 days. But I do have a lot of stuff to do this weekend to be able to leave for those days.

And some fun too, of course.

I just want to be THERE.

DB and our friend left this morning. By now they should be in Reno. Tomorrow they'll be on the "playa" setting up our camp. I will miss that a lot this year. But DB really wanted to go early and I didn't, so that's how it goes...

Despite the weigh-in this morning, I have gotten tons of inadvertent exercise this week: biking, packing, MOVING practically every day (and my usual gym days too!). You can imagine how bad the overdoing has been for me to gain this week. :-(

And, for those of you who are my Facebook friends, it's not that I don't love you, but I am afraid of apps. Someone tell me they're safe and how to do them? ;-)

Saturday, August 16, 2008

No self-sabotage

I took my title today from Vickie's post...she brought up something that I meant to blog about yesterday and forgot -- preparing in order to avoid "temptation".

Last night I had a business dinner at a very very expensive and "cool" restaurant with one of my bosses and a new band with whom we are working. Obviously, I don't get to go to really pricey places every day, so I knew I needed to check out the menu before we went -- if I go to a really yummy place when I'm hungry (which, right after the day at work, I was sure to be), it's dangerous for me read the menu "cold". I might make bad choices in my hunger and excitement. And this was a steakhouse -- I rarely eat beef so had no real idea of portions, calories, fat.

So...I went on-line to look at the restaurant menu. LOTS of HUGE (one was 22 oz.!) steaks. Some "smaller" (16 oz.!) ones. So I went on-line to find out how much calories/fat are in steaks (and which one might be lowest in fat/calories). I learned that the portion size they talked about (at least at the site where I was) was 3 oz.!! And that small size mostly had around 250+ calories and around 10 g of fat. Hmmm...I clearly wasn't going to get the biggest bang (size) for my buck (calories/fat) if I had beef! ;-)

Back to the on-line menu. They had several fish choices. A few looked cooked in butter, but a few also looked very yummy and less dangerous. So I decided my main course (this is an a la carte restaurant -- you just get your meat for your main course and order appetizers and sides separately): braised swordfish with tomato caper sauce. Sounds yummy? It was! And I think MUCH yummier than the steaks that most everyone else had.

What about appetizer? I decided on a mixed field greens salad with mustard vinaigrette. Another great, yummy choice -- and much less calories/fat than the lobster cobb that another diner wanted to share with me! ;-)

For sides, they had all kinds of preparations of potatoes (I would have gone for baked if I wasn't avoiding white carbs -- kinda -- at night). Pass. They had veggies (and they included their famous onion rings under "veggies"...yeah, right!). Someone ordered those -- I had one bite -- good, but very not worth the calories/fat. I decided on steamed asparagus which was delicious. Another person ordered "creamed spinach" (I had a small bite -- it wasn't too fatty and also very good).

When the dessert menu came, I skimmed it, but didn't even really pay attention -- I hadn't looked at it on-line either -- because this week, dessert is NOT an option! ;-)

A couple of "bad" things: they serve amazing popovers and I had almost a whole one (there goes my no-white-carbs-at-night!) and they also serve a tiny round soft brownie (about the size of a 50-cent piece) after dinner and I ate mine. THAT was the perfect size dessert.

Booze? I had two beers -- carefully chosen and sipped during the meal.

So, with the exception of the popover and tiny brownie, I ate EXACTLY what I had planned in the afternoon. Did I feel "cheated" that I didn't eat the tower of onion rings or a huge steak? Not one bit! My food was totally delicious, I was full and felt like I had a splurge even.

My result? Today I weigh less than I did last Friday (must have been the sodium/no poop yesterday...). ;-) And I'm off to the gym in a few minutes ahead of a very busy weekend...

I actually think I might need to start weighing more often than every Friday...I think I might need to start watching the daily fluctuations. But we'll see.

Friday, August 15, 2008

If a pound is a lot when you lose it...'s also a lot when you gain it. I celebrate each week when I'm down a pound (or down at all!). But weeks (like the past couple) where I'm up a pound, I say "oh, it's just a pound, it's probably because I didn't poop this morning/ate soy sauce yesterday/had a martini on Monday night/etc.". NO. If it's big going down, it's big going up too. Damn it. Is it any wonder it's so easy for me to gain? A pound at a time works both ways.

And I'm sitting here TOTALLY stressed out at work and looking at next week being the same (or, God forbid, worse) because of it being pre-vacation for me. And I know realistically that I won't be PERFECT next week because of that, plus friend in town visiting, plus stressing to get everything done before we go away, etc. I feel like every single second for the next seven days will be full of STRESS. And, as someone said to me yesterday (someone thin, but with weight problems in the family): "we eat for two reasons: hunger and anxiety". (I can actually think of HUNDREDS of reasons to eat -- least of which is hunger -- but that's another post.) And the week after next, all bets are off -- we usually eat less at Burning Man and get more exercise (lots of daily biking and walking), but drink more.

And I miss having time to blog a little more than I have this week...again, no end in sight for that. At least I still have my exercise to de-stress...but next week, I can see it now: DB and our friend will be home all day and I'll be anxious to join them for fun and they will tempt me to skip the gym...I MUST BE STRONG.

So, I'm pretty depressed on the weight front. Just another thing to add to the list of stresses for me right now.

At least I still weigh about the same as I did after the big Feb.-May loss...

Wednesday, August 13, 2008


Work is better (not slow by any means, but I can at least breathe).

Eating is better (and drinking is gone for the week).

Burning Man packing is better (just mostly finished packing clothes, but tons more still to do).

My back is better (gym last night helped...I was VERY careful and worked HARD on my abs).

I feel better. :-)

P.S. See August Rush. It will make you smile.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Tired, stressed, dealing with eating well intermittently

Work is SUPER stressed and I am looking at being out and incommunicado for over a week in less than two weeks and I don't want people cursing me like I'm cursing the vacation person this week when I'm out (the vacation person left me with a million $ plus deal to finalize...AYYYY). But there is NO END in sight.

And I was supposed to pack up all my Playawear (for Burning Man) tonight, but instead I had a martini ...and am here.

And my assistant told me today she's leaving at the end of September to move up to where she grew up and her love lived (and while this is not unanticipated since I am her MySpace friend and I do have some sensitivity, it's a lot sooner than I expected it to happen and P.S. she's the BEST assistant in my office, period). (And not that I'm not happy for her -- she's been GREAT for me for three years and I love her and want her to be happy, but I will MISS her.)

And DB is in Nearby Town and not even hear to snuggle or kiss my blues away.

And I'm so excited for Burning Man.

And we had our office summer party yesterday and I broke the "grown-ups-don't-go-in-the-pool" barrier by borrowing a bathing suit and having someone try to teach me how to dive so I hurt my back but I'm happy because I wasn't scared and TRIED and was in a bathing suit in front of my oh-so-conservative (sometimes) colleagues and I was OK (but my back still really hurts today...I never learned to dive as a child...who knows why). And, of course, I ate ice cream yesterday...and beer.

And, whew, I'm so discombobulated and I don't know if I can be "good" the next couple of weeks with pre-BM stuff going on and our friend coming on Saturday and DB coming home the same day and client stuff going on Friday and Saturday nights and...and...and...

Maybe you can get the sense that things are not BALANCED right now. AND that's not great. But it's life, I guess. And I keep finding OLD friends on Facebook and that is fun, sooo...yeah, life is an adventure...

Friday, August 8, 2008

Maintaining maintenance mode

I'm up a little this week and now weigh exactly what I did at the end of May before vacation. So I guess I didn't start the downward slide again this week. The very good news is that I'm still maintaining the big loss. But I don't think I'm going to make a big dent in the next phase before Burning Man.

This week has been insane at work. A couple of new clients and old ones all needing immediate help. I've been very very stressed. Add to that some uncertainty about how I'm getting to Burning Man (DB and a friend of ours are going early this year) and lots of pre-BM work (sorting, counting, packing supplies, clothes, etc.) and I am pretty pooped this Friday.

I did manage my usual number of workouts and they were good. I was also generally good with food, but overdid a bit on drinking...again. :-( Back on the wagon next week since DB leaves tomorrow for his week in Nearby Town with his mom.

I'm feeling pretty darn blah today and not feeling much like blogging, but had to do it to remain accountable...I think I'm going to weigh in again tomorrow too...I hadn't gone to the bathroom this morning so maybe, just maybe, the "up" is less than it said on Ms. Scale this morning. We'll see...

Gotta get back to work...wishing everyone a great weekend...

Monday, August 4, 2008

Kid-ercise or Wave-ercise

There are muscles in my body that are sore today that I forgot I even HAD. ;-) This comes from a weekend of grandkids at the beach -- PD1 and PD2 came down on Saturday and Sunday, respectively, with their kids. Helen, of course, had to play in the waves with the kidlets. Somehow this really worked me out! Maybe it was the lifting of 35+ pounds at every wave. Or the walking/running through the resistance of the water. Or just the walking around at Festival of Chariots yesterday. Either way, I feel good and worked out today after only doing one formal gym trip this weekend. :-)

Other than the kiddie fun, we are way into Burning Man preps...I'm shopping and DB is building things. Three weeks from today, I'll be THERE. Very exciting...and stressful at the same time!!

We also saw the second Harold & Kumar movie this weekend...not nearly as good as the first, but still enjoyable. We seem to constantly be looking for comedies to watch...the dramas on my Netflix queue keep getting pushed down. ;-)

Last night we were super-hungry after working/playing all day and our eyes wandered to a pizza delivery menu...luckily it was for a special place that has actual SALAD pizza!! YUM YUM...a huge salad on a crunchy pizza crust. I avoid night-time white carbs like pizza crust usually, but this was really really yummy and I am CERTAIN it was better than any pizza with oily tomato sauce and/or cheese. Very satisfying for a special occasion.

This week I'm switching my workout nights to Monday and Wednesday because we have a birthday celebration for some friends on Thursday. I'm anticipating a not-perfect weigh-in on Friday because of that (I usually really go LOW on food and HIGH on exercise on Thursdays since I weigh-in on Friday), but am trying to mitigate the damage as best I can...still hoping to be a bit slimmer by Burning Man...

Friday, August 1, 2008

I dodged a bullet

The past two days I have been trying to prepare myself for what I was very sure would be a horrible weigh-in this morning. I have been BAD the past week with drinking (nearly every night). I have not been bad with food, but those alcohol calories add up and I know it. I have also been feeling very fat...I was sure that I was on my way back up the scale in a big way. I even told DB that I thought I had gained "10 pounds" this week. Well, surprise surprise, the scale was kind to me this morning -- I'm "down" 0.8. Weird. Of course, as soon as I saw that, I started to feel skinnier. The power of the scale...

But I need to think about this. What does this mean? DB is sure that my metabolism is "getting better". Could be. I am exercising well. I'm on new hormones (the past month) and I am feeling a lot better. My digestion is working better than it has in years. But I was far from good this week so how can the scale be right? Exercise? Maybe. I have been good with the gym this week and also have gotten some inadvertent exercise too. Anyway, who knows? I will have to think more about it. And I also have to NOT take this for granted....

I have been feeling fatter even though (apparently) I am not fatter. This is the mystery of size perception. As I have settled into the weight I now am (and I've been within two or so pounds very consistently over the past two months -- a real maintenance plateau which is better here, nearly 30 pounds down, than at the last maintenance point where I was for about 2 years), I feel that I look fatter even though I'm the same. I feel fatter because I haven't been losing for two months. This discourages me a lot. I am losing the happy excitement of the February-May months where I was consistently losing every week. And that was very motivating for me. Where do I get my motivation from next?

Maybe I get it from looking in the mirror and not being entirely happy with where I am yet. If I can get about 10 more pounds off, I will feel fabulous. I will feel like I look fabulous. After 27 or so pounds, 10 doesn't seem like very much. And maybe that's what's keeping me from biting the bullet and just getting rid of it already. Or maybe I'm afraid that I'm going to have to be terribly Drastic to keep my weight at that lower place. I don't know the answers, but I'm definitely asking myself the questions. Because I DO want just a little bit more OFF.

Tomorrow, in addition to the gym, I should get some good exercise -- PD1 and two of her kids will be with us at the beach all day waiting to pick Princess up from the airport (she has been back east visiting her dad's family). Sunday is a great festival at the beach right near our house: the Festival of the Chariots. With yoga being kind of my religion, I love my brothers and sisters in the Krishna Consciousness movement. Not to mention that there is amazing food and exhibits and shopping for Indian goods. Hare Hare!!

Wishing everyone a good weekend...