"Maybes" rolling around in my stuffy head

My cold is actually worse today, but I'm at the office (possibly an ill-advised idea) since my cleaning lady was coming today and I have a problem being there when she's working even when I'm well (although I am grateful I can afford her and with my full-time job I really need a cleaning lady, there is some part of my Midwestern upbringing that has a hard time sitting around while someone else cleans my house...lying in bed while she changed my sheets would be worse!). ;-) I'm now thinking about cancelling my dinner plans (yet another birthday celebration for ME...yes, it goes on for at least a month or two!) and heading home as soon as I think Cleaning Lady is gone.

In my foggy-headed state, I've been trying to figure out what is keeping me on the rollercoaster. It is clear that I am not as committed to this as much as I need to be to have the quicker success that I want. I'm not sure if it's lack of willpower, but it feels like that most days. And I'm feeling very interested in figuring out what is making this such a struggle this time. When I lost over 100 pounds in '94-95, I remember it practically falling off (at least at the beginning). As long as I ate ok and exercised, the scale kept going down. I think I am frustrated that that is not happening this time. I am not eating perfectly by any means, but in terms of the 94/95 diet, I am doing very similar. Why isn't the weight coming off?

Maybe it's that I'm older...maybe it's hormonal changes (although the hormones I'm on are supposed to mitigate those changes). Maybe it's that I don't have nearly as much to lose. Maybe it's that I'm not smoking this time. Maybe I actually ate less back then because instead of a 100-cal popcorn bag, I'd have a cigarette. Maybe it's because I never went back to full-on "bad" eating so the dietary differences in terms of WHAT I'm eating are not as distinct as they were last time -- for example, before I lost the Big Weight, I would eat a bag of regular Doritos without even thinking about it; I could NEVER do that again and haven't. Maybe I'm just not being honest with myself about what I'm eating and should start writing it all down again. Like Lori often says, I don't really want to do that -- I really think that losing weight has to be a long-term "I can do this forever" type deal and I know me -- I will not ever be consistent with writing down everything I eat, no matter how effective that might be.

I am confident that I can figure this all out...somehow, someday. Today I'm just rolling around in the maybes.

Why I've been MIA

Sick with sore throat then cold. But I think I've nipped it in the bud and hopefully will be better and back to work and normal life tomorrow.

Unfortunately this means I missed the gym tonight, but I've been good with food -- just soup and 100-cal popcorn mostly. So...

Jennifer Hudson

I just saw her sing "the" song on the Barbara Walters special and I literally got chills. Literally.

I missed the Oscars show, but I am so happy she won. For that one moment alone, she deserved it. Amazing.

Congratulations, Jennifer..fly now! :-)

P.S. Fantastic family wedding weekend (DB's niece got married last evening in Sacramento and we flew up there with two of DB's granddaughters...FUN). More later when I get back to "normal"...

Fridays are hard

Up 2.2. Despite the fact that I've been eating kids' food all week, this is not happy news. I did exercise this week so I guess it could have been worse. I swear...I can't eat a single bad thing without gaining. This is very depressing. I do want off this rollercoaster, but I guess I'm missing something that will make that happen...going to search for it next week. :-(

Another Thursday night...

...and I'm not looking forward to weigh-in tomorrow morning. The best I can say for this week is that I have eaten less badly than I could have and I did go to the gym for my regularly scheduled work-outs. But even with this I am trying to steel myself for tomorrow morning and (yet another) up week. Someday I'll get off this rollercoaster for real...I do keep trying. I guess it's just not hard enough yet. Why that is I am still trying to get a hold of...

Kids' food

Yikes, kids' food is NOT good for me. I am feeling awful and I'm sure the scale will have inched up some this week. It's not that I've eaten oh-so-much, but it's WHAT I've eaten. This is not the diet that I normally eat: fast food for two meals on Monday (I got the best choices I could, but I did eat fries) set me up. I have been feeling awful ever since...

Last night I made it to the gym (and that was after a good lot of exercise at PT too) and tried to eat healthily -- we made turkey burgers, baked potatoes and carrots. It wasn't too bad, but still way more heavy than what I'm used to. I've been able to be good during the days (frittata for breakfast, Smart Ones for lunch, applesauce snack at 4 pm), but tonight it sounds like it's gonna be pasta with the kids. Although my plan is to go easy and have a salad, my willpower sucks (last night while we were cooking, I dug in to the reduced fat Wheat Thins along with everyone else).

I just feel incredibly lacking in ooomph. No willpower at all. Struggling. And we've got the kids until Monday and a wedding this weekend. While I'm thrilled at those things, I am less-than-thrilled about what this means to my weight. I am just not far enough into it this time yet to be able to make it through these tempting situations and JUST SAY NO. :-(

It's days like this when I wonder if I'll ever "get there"...it's just 20 pounds for God's sake!!! :-(

I'm sure it doesn't help that I'm stuck here in the office while DB is out playing with the girls all day...I'm jealous!! ;-)

Beautiful

DB's grandson, Torin, was born this evening at 4:39 pm. He weighs 8 lbs. and is 21 inches long. To quote his big sister, Emily, he is "the most beautiful baby you ever saw". (She didn't see her sister Charlie until Charlie was at least a few days old , so this was a biggee getting to see her little brother when he was so new.)

His mother, DB's daughter, looked absolutely beautiful this evening when we saw her less than an hour after Torin's birth. To quote DB, she was "serene, calm, loving, a mother, a daughter, a partner, beautiful". It's hard for me when I think about her pain today (she didn't get to have an epidural so this baby was her first "natural" with no pain medication)...but I celebrate her strength and womanliness!

Despite loving children perhaps more than an actual parent can, I will never have children of my own. I made this decision very consciously several years ago...not without some sorrow, not without real thought and decision. And somehow I have received this miracle in my life of being able to share DB's children and grandchildren. I am allowed to share this beautiful family that DB has created. I am allowed to love these daughters of his...who are beautiful women. I am allowed to love these beautiful grandchildren (fun to say that instead of granddaughters only!). And I am graced to offer myself to them to love in return.

Until the birth of DB's last grandchild (Charlie, a little girl who is now 2 and today became a big sister!), I had never seen a baby who was mere minutes or hours old. I will never forget that. It is a life experience that perhaps I would not have had without DB and his unbelievably welcoming daughters/family. My beloved niece (Martha) and nephew (Jasper) live in NYC and I saw them weeks or months after they were born (which does not diminish my absolute adoration of them!). I am so grateful to DB's family for sharing a whole different aspect of family than I have previously been able to experience. My love for them for sharing all this with me swells my heart with JOY. :-)

My BEAUTIFUL mother also contributed today -- I was away from my homestead for a lot longer than expected and wasn't able to do injections for my severely diabetic cat Gus for way too long. She, with no notice, jumped in her car and drove 1/2 hour up to make sure he had his water (and that Doglet was also A-OK after a night alone -- don't worry, he has a doggie door so is pretty self-sufficient for 24 hours). FAMILY. Love it. :-)

Tonight, on the way home, after many hours of waiting (Torin arrived -- at a minimum -- 6 hours after we thought he would!), Emily and I sang "Happy Birthday" to Torin...and to at least 30 other members of our joint family. I think this is a fitting celebration of the birth of this sweet new member of our family...we celebrate BIRTHDAYS. And today is Torin's. :-) Happy Birthday to you, Torin. You have a very big extended family who loves you and is so happy to welcome you to the world. We can't wait to get to know you!! ;-)

And for my dear DB (who is even now exhausted and sleeping with Torin's two big sisters)...I have no words to really express the feelings in my heart. This beautiful family from the fruit of your loins...I am honored to be a part of it. I am honored to be accepted by such beauty.

Food stuff: two meals in one day at Jack In The Box were not the highlight of the weekend. And that's all I'll say about that. ;-)

Muchmuchmuch more to write about later (and I'll even post some photos if I can figure out how)...but these are the first reactions I really wanted to get down TODAY. Torin's Birthday. Beautiful.

Hurting

Last night (when it was too late to blog), I sent myself an e-mail that said "being anything but the fat girl is just an illusion". Needless to say, I was feeling (and still am) pretty low. Here's what happened:

We went out last night with Yoga Friend (one of my very best friends) for dinner and had a great time. After we all came back to my house, we were sitting and chatting and she decided to tell a story of how I had inspired her. Back in 2003 when we had first really met at a yoga retreat she was apparently so knocked out to see me put on a bathing suit and get in the pool in front of everyone and laugh and have a good time. She was inspired to be that carefree about getting in a bathing suit too. I asked her, "why? because I was so fat?". She stammered, "uh, no, because your body wasn't perfect and my body wasn't perfect...". Right. She is 60, but has a perfect body. I told her this was a pretty hurty thing to say...and in front of DB too! What a MORON. I had to get out of the room and cry a little in the yard. The evening was quickly over after that.

The worst part about this is that at that time in 2003, I was at my most yoga-fit-toned-healthy state. I wasn't at my lowest weight, but definitely looked my absolute BEST in my opinion. And that was 20 pounds ago. :-( And 20 pounds ago, she thought I was so hideous that I somehow should be embarrassed about putting on a bathing suit in public. I can't help but wonder what she thinks now...

I am so very VERY hurt by this unexpected slam, that I don't really know how our friendship can ever be the same. You see, now I know that she sees me as "the fat friend". And, because I struggle so hard and feel so badly about possibly being that (even when I'm not), that is something I just can't KNOW FOR SURE that someone thinks about me...it's too deep and hurtful. Of course, I'm afraid that is how everyone sees me...as only The Fat. Being proved right by a dear friend just...brings me to tears.

I am so insecure about this, that I can't even talk with DB about it. I'm glad I can write here...hopefully will help me forget...a little.

Big weekend ahead!

Yes, we have big plans -- we're having a BABY! (Well, not really "we"...) ;-) ...

Sunday, after yet another open house (please real estate gods, send me a buyer!), we're headed out to Desert Town to be with DB's two granddaughters (ages 7 and 2) -- their mommy is having another baby (boy) and they are inducing her at 5:30 pm if she hasn't gone into labor yet. We'll stay overnight there and come back here on Monday (with the girls -- we'll have them for a week). :-)

Tonight is dinner out with my Yoga Friend and possibly to a blues show at a bar at the beach. Tomorrow we're looking at some properties, I'm going to the gym, we're shopping for glasses, hopefully seeing DB's other daughter for lunch, and maybe (if we're lucky) Valentine's Day Do-Over (I have enough ingredients left over to re-make the VD meal...and I can eat it this time! Also hopefully hit the hot tub...although that might be kinda ouchy with the burn I have on my arm from the broiler on Wednesday...another story!). :-) Sunday I pack up the pets to go over to Best Friend's during the open house and we're having a brunch there with some of our old Record Company friends (one of whom is my mortgage broker now).

Wow...I'm really excited actually!! There may be some food challenges, but I feel up to them. At least I do at the moment... :-)

Down .8

That's almost a pound and I'll take it. Of course, the tummy trouble of the past couple of days probably helped to make up for no gym last night. On to the long weekend...and, hopefully, moderation! :-)

The best-laid plans

VD did not work out exactly as I had planned.

After lunch yesterday I started to feel kind of sick at my stomach - burping up peppers from my oh-so-good 140 calorie Smart Ones lunch. The feeling got worse and worse as the afternoon went on. By the time I was headed home, I seriously doubted if I would be enjoying the dinner I had planned for DB and me. In fact, I got in the car to go home and realized I probably wouldn't make it home without throwing up, so I went back up and did just that. I felt a wee bit better, but still had chills and shakes all the way home. When I got home, feeling really horrible, I managed to get the house all dolled up (and me too) and was pretty ready when DB showed up. He brought me some beautiful roses (awwww...I love flowers!), some candy (which he likes, me not so much, silly boy!) and a fantastic homemade Valentine card (awwwwww). :-)

With his help, I managed to make dinner, but (after stopping to throw up yet again) I didn't manage to really eat much. Had about 3 bites of the buffalo steak (normally yum, but NOTHING would have been good last night), some bread, no salad, no asparagus and a little wine. After we (he) ate, I started to clean up but just couldn't. I felt awful. DB put me to bed around 9 and I watched some of American Idol while he (sweetheart!) cleaned everything up. When he came to join me about 9:30, we took my temp and I had a fever. Booooo. That meant no hot tub before bed as planned. :-( However, from bed, we went ahead and had the dessert I planned -- strawberries and cream dipped in white chocolate from Trader Joes (these, I must say, were fantastic and sat well in my tummy AND were super low cal and low fat). We went to sleep early, but I had a hard time sleeping due to fever and continuing tummy stress.

I decided to stay home today and do my urgent stuff from here. Went back to bed at 11 and slept until about 3:30...I guess I really was sick! I've had some bread and a few bites of the buffalo today and it seems to be staying down, but I'm taking it easy. Unfortunately, no gym for me tonight...I think DB is right to say I should just stay home. :-(

The good part about all this is, of course, that I've eaten WAY less than planned since last night...so my weigh-in tomorrow might just be ok... ;-)

Happy Valentine's Day!!

I always loved Valentine's Day -- a day to celebrate love -- how could I not LOVE it?! Whether I had a boyfriend or not, it was a fun day, full of possibilities. But I must admit that this is the third one that is truly special to me...and for that I have to give a loving shout-out to my Valentine, the One, the only, DB!! I love you, sweetheart. :-)

I've done really well with food and not drinking this week. Tonight I'm making a special (low-fat/cal, but delicious) dinner for us. I'm really looking forward to it...full of surprises. I woke DB up this morning with mini-heart-shaped scones in bed and told him that today's theme is "Food is Love". This was always true in my family (perhaps a factor in my continuing issues with food?!) and seemed a good theme for our plans -- saving some dough after lots of celebrations over the past weeks.

I hope everyone reading is celebrating love and possibilities today. :-)

Bring on the night

Yes, ok, I'm sitting here waiting, waiting, waiting for The Police to play on the Grammies. I should have pulled some strings this week to go see them, but I'm saving those strings for when they tour (hopefully) this year. Even though they are my FAVORITE with U2, unlike U2 who I have seen many times, I never got to see them live (although I've seen Sting multiple times solo). I am salivating at the thought. I love every single album. I'm a child of the music of the 70s and 80s...sigh...

Other stuff:

- I'm trying to sell my house (and buy a new, bigger, one with DB). Today was my first open house and so I had to pack up the pets (Doglet and Polar Bear...dog and cat) and head over to a friend's house for the afternoon. Problem is that Polar Bear always but always makes a mess in his carrier when he travels...this leads me to putting off vet visits, frankly, because I'm embarrassed. In anticipation of today and (if house isn't sold...send magic thoughts) next Sunday, I got a sedative for PB so he hopefully wouldn't do his thang in the carrier. So...this morning, I (with a lot of trouble) got the pill down him and he seemed very sleepy/sedated when I put him in his carrier...NOT. Oh well. When we got to my friend's, we let him out in her garden with Doglet (she has 4 cats and her garden is cat-proofed so no one can get out...not that Polar Bear could...he's diabetic, old and can barely walk)...he loved it! What a character! But he was very happy to be home to "his" room (he lives in a room in my house since DB is allergic)...although I will definitely be letting him out in my yard in the future because he had fun. :-)

- Had a really good time with Mommy yesterday. She didn't feel like going out to shop to replace the QVC sweater she got me for my birthday (it fit, but hit me in a bad place on my hips!) so we stayed in and chatted. And I shopped on QVC and got some great earrings to replace the sweater (I love Diamonique). A good friend of hers from college died suddenly on Thursday and I know how hard it is to lose a friend...she is feeling low. I am happy I got some time to spend with her. :-)

- I haven't been great with food or drink this weekend. When the weekend rolls around since I "can" drink I still am overdoing (although I must say that I had nada this afternoon at Friend's house -- although she did - while we watched a movie). Even though it's not that fun...hmmm...I think it's similar to the "I've got to eat all of it because I may never get it again" weird thoughts. I feel SO much better during the week when I'm disciplined, but...

- Can I just say how much I'm LOVING Netflix?! Friend got 6-months for me for my birthday and it's SO fun!! I registered on Monday, got my first flix on Wednesday, sent back one on Thursday, got an e-mail from them before 7 am on Friday saying they got it (!) and got a new one replacing it on Saturday! Wow. I wonder if it's this fast in smaller towns. Anyway, it's a truly fun gift.

- Saw The Last King of Scotland. I'm glad I saw it (because I try to see all the Oscar-nominated stuff). I love Forest Whittaker...think he's amazing in everything. This movie was interesting, but very very hard to watch. He was great and so was the Scot guy who played opposite him. Good movie, but difficult.

- Last but far from least, DB is due back tonight after three days in Nearby Town with his parents. Is this more exciting than The Police? Yes. ;-)

Friday weigh-in

Not too bad for post-vacation -- up 1.4 pounds. I'm still on the "loss" side substantially overall and back to eating well and exercise so I should be down more next week...and no more "eating holidays" for a while so maybe now I can make some real progress!! :-)

Very important information

I just got an e-mail from a colleague of mine that I think is very important to share so am getting it out as widely as I can:

Some of you have inquired about my absence and I wanted to let you all know that I was out because, unfortunately, I was diagnosed with breast cancer--"invasive lobular carcinoma" to be exact--which required immediate surgery. Thankfully, the surgery went well.

The reason I am making this public is to make all of you aware of perhaps a lesser known indicator of breast cancer called "thickening". Due in part to my own ignorance, my diagnosis was delayed by about 18 months!

I discovered what I later learned was a thickening in one of my breasts. (It actually feels a little ropey, but "thickening" is the proper term.) I pointed it out to several of my physicians who dismissed the thickening as nothing to be concerned with. Only recently, when it grew a nodule large enough to be detected in a mammogram, did it become a matter of concern. At that time, a biopsy was performed, which proved positive to be cancer.

Apparently, infiltrating/invasive lobular tumors have a tendency to look normal on a mammogram. When I was told not to worry about it by the first two physicians and because it did not show up in any of the mammograms or ultra sounds, I was content to be sent off with a clean bill of health. I have since discovered they could have performed what is referred to as a "blind biopsy", which in this case means they do a biopsy on something that isn't detected in the mammogram but you can definitely feel it.

We all know to look for lumps in our breasts, but how many of us are familiar with thickenings? Had I known about this back then, I would not have let my physicians pass the thickening off as harmless. The purpose of this writing is for you, your loved ones and everybody you know to become aware that a thickening can be an indicator, and if any of you are ever told with complete certainty by a physician the thickening is nothing to be concerned with, to treat it with the same seriousness as it would be treated if it were a lump.

Withdrawals are not fun ;-(

Coffee: I almost never drink caffeine. I used to drink tons (coffee, Diet Coke, etc.), but went off it in 2003 soon after I quit smoking. The physical withdrawals from caffeine were worse than those from nicotine! So, I almost never drink it. But I do have it in my pocket when I really need a pick-me-up. Last week, I drank coffee every single morning for over a week. The result? The past two days when I haven't had it, I am sloooooow, tired, feeling very slooooooow (yes, I'm sloooooow!). Can't concentrate. Yuck. This is why I quit. Back to my decaf coffee and decaf green tea!

Food: I was very shall-we-say "generous" with myself and food over vacation. It is SO easy for me to fall into the trap of just eating what looks good (although I still can't grab a handful of full-fat chips, for example...I'll grab a BAG of low-fat ones!). My stomach clearly got stretched out. I had a very hard time yesterday sticking with my "usual" plan. Overdid a bit last night and had some reduced fat triscuits (which, I should note, I don't even really LIKE) during the day. Today I'm back on track, but feeling hungrier than usual. Gym tonight should help me be "good" during the evening.

Alcohol: I also was generous with myself and booze over vacation. Back to drinking every day. After the first couple of "yee haw, I can drink!" days, it got a little old so I didn't overdo. BUT, last night (the first night back on plan), I fell. Had a martini. Told myself I was EASING back into "real" life. The effect of this was not only the martini calories, but also eating more than I would had I not had the 'tini. Lesson noted. Hopefully someday it will be Lesson LEARNED. No more alcoholic drinking until Friday.

Gym: Pretty much the only exercise I had while on vaca was skiing. Went back to PT today and the bike was a little more challenging than usual. Interesting. Back to the gym tonight for regular workout.

Crossing fingers that weigh-in this week won't be TOO bad. :-)

Vacation...All I Ever Wanted!

With apologies for taking Lori's idea to name posts after songs... ;-)

Everyone (also in real life) has been asking for details of the trip and the 10 days I've been pretty much away from the blog so I want to try to get this done today before I forget anything good! Here we go...

Friday night (1/26) I went home to pack and planned to get to bed early since we had an early flight to Reno...didn't happen. I was in the middle of packing when I went to get something out of my car and slammed my fingers in the hatchback. The door latched so I had to open it while my fingers were trapped in the door. OW. I ran into the house and got ice right away even though I was crying and knew that it was pretty bad. I tried for about 15 minutes not to call DB (I was telling myself that I used to take care of stuff like this by myself all the time before I met him), but the blood was running down my arm (I was wandering around my house with my hand in the air) and I felt it all swelling so I finally called. He came right over and after looking at it thought we should go to urgent care in case my index finger was broken.

We headed to the urgent care that I had seen close to my house (and right next to the hospital where I had my knee surgery in September) and it was CLOSED. An Urgent Care closed at 8 p.m. on a Friday night?! Yup. Seems it's not "urgent" to them if it doesn't occur before 5 p.m.!! Argh. So we went next door to the hospital ER -- they told us to get ready to wait because they had had 4 ambulances just arrive. They suggested we head down by the airport to an urgent care there. We did. They took me right away and were very nice. The finger wasn't broken and they taped up the flesh wound and gave me a tetanus shot. We had some sushi for dinner then went home to finish packing. We got to sleep after midnight....and had to get up before 6...good thing it was vacation!!!

Our flight to Reno was pretty uneventful (although I do hate flying and grab DB's hand at the slightest bump). We got in and got upgraded on our car because they didn't have ski racks -- to a brand new bright red 4X4 4-door pick-up! It only had 13 miles on it and we fit in very well up in the mountains. ;-)

We stopped at the grocery store in Reno to get groceries and to try to get discounted lift tickets. Unfortunately in all the grocery excitement (we bought basically snacks, sodas, booze and breakfast food...and a lot of it!), we totally forgot to get the discounted tickets!! Oh well.

Then we were off to Tahoe...my first view of the lake elicited a gasp! It's impossible to explain how gorgeous it was. Wow. The house we rented was in the Kingsbury area (beautiful houses, close to casinos and skiing) and we loved it. It felt a lot like a cabin (lots of wood and windows looking out on the pines), but was a big house: 3 bedrooms, 3 baths, dining room, laundry room, loft, kitchen, living room, 2-car garage (yes, I felt my house was pretty teeny when we got home last Saturday night!). We unpacked then danced around the living room until our first friends showed up around 4.

Since that Saturday was DB's birthday, we got ready for the special dinner out that I had planned...at The Summit which is probably the best restaurant in Tahoe (maybe in all of Nevada after eating there!). It is on the top of Harrah's and it was beautiful. The meal was definitely one of the best I've ever had: lobster tempura, a yummy arugula salad and lamb chops for me, scallop appetizer (yes, ONE scallop!), soup and bison for DB and other stuff for our friends. Each course had an accompanying wine that was totally delish. Dessert was souffles (chocolate or Grand Marnier) but we were all too full to really eat them all. After dinner we hit the casino for some fun roulette action then headed home for DB's presents. DB and our friend Aaron stayed up in the hot tub smoking cigars and drinking Grand Marnier until 1:30 am (we girls headed to bed a few hours earlier!).

Sunday was just cruising around getting the lay of the land. Checking out Heavenly (the ski resort where we were set to ski), the towns (Stateline, NV and South Lake Tahoe, CA) and the scenery (we cruised around the south of the lake to Emerald Bay which was frozen over...a very rare occurrence we were told). Had a late lunch on the lake then headed "home" to meet our other friends for snacks (no real dinner) and chatting before heading to bed early since 3 of us had to be at our ski lessons at 9 or so.

Monday was our first ski day -- FUN! Aaron, Brooke and I had a great beginners lesson (it was their first time...and my 10th or so!). Our instructor was fantastic -- really gave me confidence and I was so much more comfortable than ever before. We practiced the rest of the day when our class was over and left around 3:30 or 4 to go home for our soon-to-be-typical evening of snacks, showers, dinner and hot-tubbing. We were all really tired, but DB was exhausted -- he went to bed at 8 (I think he was fighting a cold too -- I was also doing that all week). The rest of us stayed up to play Apples to Apples (which DB had gotten me for my birthday -- I love it!) before tub and bed.

Tuesday was my Designated Birthday (we had to pick a day when we were all there to celebrate!). We got up later, got to the mountain about 11 and skied all the rest of the day (Brooke and I stayed on the main bunny hill to really get used to it). Then after cocktails, Brooke and I headed out shopping -- the outlet mall was disappointing, but the naughty erotic shop we hit afterwards was fun! ;-) We got back in time to change for my special "birthday" dinner -- DB had made reservations at a Japanese place -- we had a private "tatami" room and a wonderful sushi dinner! :-) After that, we headed back to town to gamble some more (I did really well with roulette -- I always bet birthdays and anniversaries and that's fun!) before home.

Brooke and Aaron had to head back to Texas on Wednesday so they, DB and I hung out in town (shopping for souvenirs, etc.) while our other friends went skiing. We were so sad for A&B to leave, but soooo happy that they came!! That evening, I cooked steak and salad and garlic croissants for dinner...yum...and then we all watched Love Actually (which I had bought for DB for Xmas and he hadn't seen...we loved it!) before hot tub and bed (do you hear a routine here?!).

Thursday and Friday were back to the slopes...by Friday I spent the whole day up the hill (they have "green" trails up there where I could practice rather than on the bunny hill at the bottom) with DB (our other friends left on Friday morning). Thursday night was another birthday celebration...our friends took us to a buffet dinner then a wee bit more, yes, GAMBLING. ;-)

We were missing our friends on Friday night, but it was great for DB and me to have one night to ourselves! We had had lots of snacks post-skiing, but got dressed to walk down the hill for dinner at a Thai or French place...we got to the bottom of the hill and decided we weren't really in the mood to sit in a restaurant so headed back home, got in our jammies, snacked and were in bed by about 8:30!!! Sooooooo relaxing.

We had to check out of the house on Saturday at 10 so we decided to drive around the lake -- it was such a relaxing day!! We saw all the scenery, houses, the dam, the incredible clarity of the lake, another casino, then went back to Reno for our flight home.

Words really can't describe how great it all was...I feel like a new woman. And a woman who is lucky to have such amazing friends and the best lover/playmate/partner EVER.

Yesterday (my actual birthday), we went shopping for glasses after our beach breakfast, then I went for a pedicure (wonderful!!!) before my mom took us for Indian food to celebrate our birthdays. It was a special treat that my hometown team won its first Super Bowl on my birthday...although I'm not really a football fan...I was more into the Halftime Show...wow PRINCE!!! :-)

Gotta get back to work...it's good to be home...back on the food and WOW wagon and raring to go!

Happy Birthday to ME! :-)

45 is looking fantastic so far! :-) Don't forget to check the youtube link below -- that's me skiing! :-)

Thanks for all your good wishes...we got back last night and are just back from a bike ride down to the beach for Birthday Breakfast. Now a wee bit of shopping, a pedicure (yay!) and dinner w/ Mommy.

More as things get back to normal (I think/hope that I've done ok on weight over vacation -- despite eating a lot, we also skiied several days -- crossing fingers!)...

Love to all from The Birthday Girl! :-)

So much fun, so much beauty, so much LOVE

http://youtube.com/watch?v=2JgPTSvl0eY

Tahoe is/has been beautiful.
Tahoe is/has been fun!
Tahoe is/has been LOVE.

Happy birthday to US! :-)

Thanks to all who have sent happy vacation messages...all your energy has been manifested. Elle n'est pas belle la vie? SI. :-)

More when I'm home...