Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Today's lesson

Carb-deplete day after "cheat" weekend = 3 pounds gone + back to low weight from Saturday morning (lowest weight so far on the Crack program -- which I may soon call the Macro program after Vickie because that is more accurately what we're working on). :-)

Feels good.

[13+ pounds gone in three weeks.]

Monday, June 29, 2009

Cheat weekend ends up only cheating me

Well, a few things I learned this weekend:

- I'm very detoxed due to eating plan of last 3 weeks. I am so clean that three cocktails on Friday night spread out over several hours (not an a-typical amount for me traditionally) was WAY too much. I felt like crap until Saturday evening. SO not worth it.

- Booze = gain. OK, this isn't new news, but let's say I was reminded. Saturday morning (post-alcohol-fest) my weight was actually lower than ever. Yesterday (and today) it's up about 3 pounds from that. Not entirely due to booze...

- Eating the "bad" carbs at night can't happen two days in a row. I had some chips last night. Bad idea. I also had some rice Saturday night at midnight -- even though that was a carb-up day, this was also a bad idea.

I am back on the carb-deplete today. Just for today. Just to get myself cleaned out from the weekend. I hope those 3 lbs. will be long gone by tomorrow. I'm thirsty today like I was the first week which I think is a good sign. (DB had a gain too -- a little less than me, but he ate more -- cheesecake, chips and beer. Very frustrating when I had only a few chips!)

Yesterday was PD1's birthday party at our house. We had a ball -- both PDs and their men, all but one grandchild (Princess was on punishment and didn't get to come -- I told her mother that felt like it was ME who was on punishment!). I didn't do too bad with the eating...didn't eat the corn we BBQ'd, just turkey, burger and salad. No cheesecake. No beer. But, apparently, too much wine. I also boogie-boarded for about 2 hours. My body is sore today. We walked a lot this weekend too. It still was not enough to stave off the lbs.

Cutie Pie (6-year-old granddaughter) stayed over with us last night and she just called me to say that her mommy (PD2) gave her permission to stay over tonight too. :-) I am taking her for a pedicure after work -- she remembered that I told her at Christmas that I'd take her for her birthday (in May) and "maybe you forgot". ;-) She's a pistol.

I had a small car accident yesterday morning on the way to take Doglet for a nail clip. More annoying than anything. Everyone is fine, cars are a little scratched. I'm sure they'll say it was my fault (even though it wasn't) and it will cost me. :-(

Last, but not least, my College Friend is here and it is so great to see him! :-) He'll be with us until next Monday... a nice vacation for him and nice for me to have him here.

Friday, June 26, 2009

What a weird day yesterday was...

Before I dive into my usual subject, I want to include some thoughts on the events of yesterday (taken from an e-mail earlier to Lori...no reason to re-write!):

I am very sad about Michael Jackson's death. He was a hugely talented person and had a truly tragic life. I just can't bring myself to smile at the jokes or snarky remarks quite yet. I love the Jackson 5, I loved his early solo work, and I just wish his troubled soul a well-deserved rest. He was a punchline for a long time...I don't want that for him now. Can't help but think that we, the public, contributed to his bizarre life (and, yes, I am looking at TMZ and listening to all the news so I am not un-guilty of contributing to the star-crazed culture). I don't think we will ever see another star like him...the business is not as centralized and never will be....

Lisa Marie Presley wrote a really beautiful blog on her MySpace today: http://blogs.myspace.com/lisamariepresley

Anyway, sorry, feeling very nostalgic and particularly sad for his family today (and also for Farrah's family who must be thinking "what about us? we're sad too!")...

On the weight-loss front, it's still going great. Fridays are not such a big thang anymore since I'm weighing every day, but I am down about 4 pounds from last Friday and the total since starting the Crack diet is now about 12.5 pounds in less than three weeks. This is more than I ever dreamed of so I am extremely happy. Most of my "skinny" pants fit now and I am getting oh-so-close to virgin territory again.

DB and I were extra good yesterday in preparation for possibly breaking our alcohol-fast tonight when my friend from college arrives. It's a very hard thing -- we both look at the scale (he's down 18 pounds in just less than 4 weeks) and are so happy, but we do miss the cocktails. We may try some vodka this weekend (no carbs) rather than beer. (Diet Sprite has become our new treat...you wouldn't believe the number of empty cases we have! I guess it's better than beer cases!) I'm looking forward to a martini tonight and we'll see what the scale says tomorrow. I plan to stay on program the rest of the weekend (alcohol is allowed tomorrow).

I am SO ready for vacation...we leave in 22 days. :-)

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Feeling good

It's still working. :-)

This week I've been down a little every day. I'm now at almost 12.5 pounds off in a little over two weeks. I'm almost to the pre-Tulum weight from last year. And I'm feeling so good and successful that I'm looking at keeping this up until I'm "done" (whatever that is...but it's definitely a wee bit below my June 2008 weight which was my lowest in at least 3 years...maybe more).

I was talking with DB last night about all this (he's down nearly 20 lbs. in a little over 3 weeks!). It is so nice to see the scale go down every day (or almost). And it is so nice for us to be eating healthy together...on this program, we are sharing meal prep more than we ever have.

And now I'm looking at the week where my college buddy is coming to visit -- the time when I said I was going to be NOT perfect (i.e., I will drink). And I'm a little conflicted -- do I want a cocktail (yes!) more than I want to ensure that the scale continues to go down (hmmmm)? As always, the goal will be moderation. I have been so perfect on this program that it is a little scary to play with the chemistry (although alcohol IS allowed at this point). What I'm planning to do is an unscheduled "carb down" day tomorrow as well as the scheduled one on Friday. I hope that carries me through a cocktail or two over the weekend (when we also have a birthday party at our pad on Sunday for PD1). We know now that we can do parties without drinking...but we do miss it...we are just not the permanent teetotaler types. But we both realize we need to moderate...the beer definitely added to our weights...both of us.

I'm continuing to weigh every day to get the scientific data...it's sure nice when you see those numbers be where they should be! :-)

Monday, June 22, 2009

Wow. It's still working!

After staying pretty much the same all last week, I saw a real loss on the scale this weekend. Go figure...it was even down 1 and a half pounds from Saturday (the first "carb up" day for me...when you eat starches your last two meals) to Sunday. I so don't totally understand the chemistry here, but it's working and I feel great so who cares? ;-) Total down since starting two weeks ago today: 11+ pounds. :-)

Great weekend -- saw The Hangover on Friday night -- hilarious! Saturday after Coffee Walk did great yogatoday.com video class (I'm about to join for $9.99/month...can't beat that for unlimited yoga classes and lots of variety...and they kick my butt...I'm dripping with sweat!). We went to a BBQ up in the hills on Saturday afternoon/evening...and we took our own food again so were very good (and people enjoyed what we brought too...especially the asparagus with cream cheese-spread prosciutto wraps). Yesterday I gardened for a few hours and celebrated my sweet DB's father-ness all day long! :-)

Today I'm working at home because I have to take my mom for a colonoscopy in a little bit. I'm getting A LOT done...may consider doing this more often! :-)

Friday, June 19, 2009

Hare then turtle

To say the weight loss has slowed this week is an understatement. I have gone from hare to turtle in speed. I am down a pound from last Friday, but up a pound from Monday this week (when I was at my lowest...9.5 pounds down from the beginning). I am trying to focus on the "pound down from last week" and over 8 pounds down since June 8. That, under any circumstances really, is a great loss. And I'm trying to remember that this week, adding back in a FEW higher carb foods, is just consolidating that huge loss from last week and making it real and maintainable when higher carb foods are in my diet.

I have followed this plan perfectly (and I mean PERFECTLY...NO cheats) for almost 2 weeks. I am loving it a lot less when the scale is bouncing up a few 10ths and down a few than when it was in free-fall. But I do think (intellectually) that this lower-carb diet is a better one for long-term than what I had been eating -- like Bea said in her comment on yesterday's post, it is becoming clear to me that eating "bad" carbs just makes me crave more "bad" carbs. It's a lot harder to maintain this program though when not getting lots of positive scale feedback.

I am thinking (looking for the bright side) that I am losing inches maybe this week and not so much lbs. My belly feels and looks a lot flatter and my "skinnier" pants that I put on this morning went on without any gut suckage required.

DB said that he maintained for the beginning of his second week and then started to go down again but, unlike me, he does not weigh at the same time and in the same conditions every day. I think he's looking great. He stills says he's fat. And, of course, what he thinks is what counts. I have friends who I would call very skinny who think they are fat. It's what's in the head of the person whose body it is that matters, not what other people see. Except, of course, when other people see "fat". :-( But that's a whole other blog subject for another day...

Tonight we hope to go see a movie, then tomorrow a bike ride before a BBQ up in the hills (yes, I have bought stuff for us to take for ourselves so we can stay on plan!). Sunday, Father's Day, DB's girls usually spend with the fathers of their kids. It's possible that we'll see them, but looking unlikely since we saw them last weekend and will see them again next weekend. So I will do something special for DB on that day to celebrate his fatherness. And I will also garden for exercise. :-)

Thursday, June 18, 2009

A couple of other things I am noticing

I am keeping the weight from last week off -- net down is now just shy of 9 pounds. A few 10ths of a pound have come on and off the past few days. I wish it would keep going down but the loss last week was so huge I'm trying to remind myself to be happy to just hang on to THAT. Adding back in the few higher-carb things has been scary. But scale has remained the same within a few 10ths so I guess it's ok. I'd love to see a "down" tomorrow on the usual official weigh-in day (I'm tracking every day at the moment), but who knows? Several people have noticed the loss though, so that is good. :-)

A few not-so-great things that I am noticing this week:

Bad dreams: I am having at least one bad dream every night. Not scary, just bad. It's disconcerting and I don't like it. Have no idea what this is about, but attribute it to the program since that is the big thing in life that has changed (I was having them last week too, but not every night).

Digestive: This week, not so good. I'm wondering if that is why I'm not losing at least a little more this week. I'm still drinking enough water to float away...have to get up twice in the night usually.

Psychology: I'm not feeling so happy this week. I'm feeling hungry again and restricted and I hate that. Last week I think I was just in the euphoria of the quick and immediate loss. It's a lot harder psychologically when the changes aren't as dramatic.

Hunger: I am definitely more hungry after adding back in a carb or two every day. My body is acting like an addict. I do not like this AT ALL. But the program is trying to re-pattern how your body uses food so I'm sticking with it...it's been less than two weeks...gotta give it a chance!

Finally, a question for anyone who cares to chime in: does anyone actually ever say you are "fat" to your face? If so, how do you react? I imagine it depends on who says it and in what context and I'm interested in that too. (I only remember someone calling me that twice...VERY traumatic.)

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Helen and Bea

Here we are...stopped jabbering long enough to take this photo, can you believe it?!

We are cute.


Monday, June 15, 2009

Why does this work?

(First of all, today's weigh-in was a little disappointing: 1/2 pound up from yesterday. Am trying not to freak out that adding that one slice of low sodium Ezekiel bread screwed up the chemistry of the program. DB assures me that he had the same experience last week...and is still very down...lost less the second week, but is at 16 pounds lost in two weeks!)

I have probably tried every variation known to western woman of losing weight and keeping it off and I am a little shocked my my first week's results on this program (which is pretty painless once committed). So in my vast eight-whole-days of experience with the Crack program, I've been acting like a good little scientist and collecting data (other than logging weight every day) to figure out why this seems to be working on a kind of scientific level and here are some elements I have considered:

Water: Something about this program makes you really thirsty...maybe it's that the carbs hold the water to your cells more (as I think someone once told me)...maybe it's that I'm going to the bathroom all the time and need to replenish...I don't know, but I'm thirsty all the time and that makes me SURE to drink my full eight plus glasses of water a day. (I think I'm drinking close to a gallon a day...at least.) Yesterday it's possible I drank less because I was off liquids for most of the morning after my third (yes, third) root canal. That could have made the little gain. Both DB and I feel very thirsty and are drinking water now like we had been drinking beer...well, a lot more, actually. ;-) We also are drinking Diet Sprite as a treat, but don't rely on that as our "water".

5 "meals" a day: I'm never more than 3 hours away from eating. That gives me a lot of willpower. And the result is that I'm often not even hungry when it's time to eat. I do eat though because it's so early in the program and I am afraid I'll screw up the magic if I deviate. It's going to get more challenging to do this now probably when I'm less hungry and am adding in some more carbs...but I am really committed to staying with the program as instructed and seeing what happens...at least for the next few weeks. (I'm in a skirt today that I wouldn't have dared to even try on last week.)

Portion control: Much easier with 5 meals a day. Hunger is not my big problem in losing weight because I rarely eat for hunger. But being FULL is a whole different thing. I'm finding if I take a minute and notice that I'm full (sometimes I even feel TOO full), I have a pretty easy time of staying within good portion limits. And I don't (yet) feel deprived.

Chemistry: I don't understand the chemistry part of why this work, but it seems like it does...DB understands better. I just know it seems to really be working.

Carbs: OK, I guess I might have a teeny addiction. I noticed I was more hungry last night than I have been after just having one serving (one slice of Ezekiel bread) of a higher-carb food yesterday. I'm a little little shocked, but it did seem to awaken a craving...one that I hadn't felt in several days.

Broccoli: She tells you to eat broccoli every day because it's very low in carbs and the fiber helps you detox. I think it also helps you stay regular because I'm having a lot less trouble in that area than I have when I've done low- or no-carb before.

No food within 2 hours of bed: I thought this would be harder than it is but, after the first night, that habit seems to have gone easily away. Instead I drink A LOT of water. This means bathroom trips at night, but it also means lower weight on the scale the next morning! ;-)

Vickie asked yesterday about exercise and I'll add here what I wrote back to her:

I have been exercising exactly the same amount the past week. The main thing I notice is that my heart rate is a full 10 BPM higher when doing the exact same resistance/incline/paces per minute as I usually do. DB says that maybe the heart has to work harder to go find the fuel to exercise than when there is a ton of easily-available glycogen in the cells. I don't know. I do feel a teeny bit more tired more quickly...but I am able to do my usual workouts. And yoga is much better because it's always easier with less weight.

P.S. On yoga: I went to do my yogatoday.com last night and found that they have now monetized it (it WAS totally free). Now they just have one free class per week (I did the "novice" class last night and, despite my years of practice, was plenty challenged)...and you have to pay $9.99 for unlimited monthly classes. You cannot find a better deal for in-person yoga...but I would caution anyone who has not had a full in-person practice from jumping into this site. While the teachers there are very good and give good instruction, if you have not been trained in proper alignment and had an in-person teacher adjust you, I think it's possible you could get hurt if you are not either very in-shape already...or even if you are. So, just be careful if you want to try this...

The excitement continues

Before diving into my weight loss story to catch you all up on the past few days, just a quickee about dinner with Bea and Mark (FYI, DB accidentally erased the photos of our dinner but, after seeing my tears and very angry-ness and buying software, he managed to retrieve ONE -- it is not the one approved one so am waiting for Bea to say it's ok to post before I do!):

It WAS long trek (47 miles took an hour and a half) down to Anaheim to meet Bea and Mark on Friday night, but I talked with my mom on the phone all the way down so time flew. Got there about 7:30 and we decided to head to Downtown Disney for dinner. I immediately started jabbering away with Bea (poor Mark!)...of course, we KNOW each other....even though we've never met in the flesh before. It was THAT comfortable.

She asked me if she looked different than I thought (she has seen photos of me) and I said, "yes, you are a lot skinnier!". True. :-)

As we chatted through the drive over, parking, tram to restaurant, it was clear that she is every bit as wise and creative as she appears on-line. We are all lucky to have her in our circle. :-) We had a ball...I hope Mark did too at least a little...he found it hard to get a word in edgewise, but he has a gleam in his eye and he and Bea share a beautiful affection, spirituality and keen intellect that it was truly fun to be around. I hope that DB and I remain as clearly in love when we have been together as long as they have. I had a fantastic time...and can't wait to go visit them SOMEday! :-)

My trip home was a lot faster (47 miles only took 45 minutes...that's L.A. traffic for you!)...and I gabbed away to DB about all he had missed for a long time after I got home...I was energized! ;-)

I managed to stay on my program for dinner out with the Dynamic Duo. And my reward was yet more weight gone on Saturday morning! We took food to our three parties this weekend and we both stayed on program very well. My net loss for one week on this program? 9+ pounds!! And it is real. I have pants on today that I haven't worn since Christmas. This REALLY motivates me to keep it up!

This week, I add back in a few carbs and I am a little afraid because I have really enjoyed a week of seeing the scale go down almost literally every day (I was up 0.2 this morning, big deal). But DB and I both feel that we need to stick with this program and see what happens. His loss slowed dramatically last week when he added back in a few carbs, but he is still way down.

One thing that I am really conscious of in a whole new way is: portions. You all KNOW that I am not the queen of moderation so this is something new for me to focus on. I am not weighing things, but am going by packaging and that seems to be working. We are using our grill a lot. People at our party yesterday said they could see that we had both lost weight (and they just saw us a few weeks ago). That helps keep us on course too.

It is really good for us to do this together too -- we eat a lot of meals together so (even though we are not at the exact same point in the program) it is really nice to find something that we both like. The weight thing is SO fraught for me that DB admits that he was a little afraid to do this together and to talk about it all and everything but...so far, so good. Just more good lessons in communication. :-)

So far, so good...and huge thanks to Laura and Cindy for recommending this book.

Keep your fingers crossed that I don't gain this week with my little carbs (like the one piece of Ezekiel bread that I ate this morning and one tomorrow) back...

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Dinner with Bea and Mark

VERY short post this morning because we're running out and more later but: WHAT FUN!!! Bea and Mark have such a sparkle. I had a BALL. And I do have one photo of Bea and me that has been approved for publication! Just no time to get it out of the camera yet today.

More later... :-)

Friday, June 12, 2009

Friday is nice again

Grand total for this week (from both last Friday and from Monday when I started weighing every day) is about 7 pounds lost. This makes me weigh less than since December, before Xmas. It's a LOT for a week and I know that it's not real YET. I have to keep up with this to keep this off...and I know loss will be slower after this first big burst. I definitely feel leaner in my body. Feel like I can pull my stomach in again (I gain weight in butt and thighs fastest, tummy later...it leaves in reverse order).

I haven't felt really deprived since Monday. (We'll see how I feel about the weekend when I can't have even one beer. But I've had a week to prepare myself mentally and I think I will be ok. )

Last night I was very NOT hungry even at dinner time. This program really seems to focus on keeping your body fed so you don't get overly hungry and overdo. This is not my usual M.O. I usually keep control, stay very low on food during the daytime to stock-pile calories for night and social eating and drinking. With this 5-meal/day plan, I have a snack at 5 or so and then when it's dinner time, I am much less likely to overeat or eat after dinner. In fact, after the first day, it wasn't hard not to eat after dinner at all.

Having said all this, it still takes discipline. I can't get complacent. I need to maintain this week's loss and keep going. I'd love to lose 10 more pounds before we leave on July 18. But I'll be happy with 6. :-)

One of the things that I think really has affected this week is that I am drinking more water than ever...and I'm usually a pretty big water-drinker as it is. I drink NON-stop. I feel very thirsty on this program and I think the water helps flush out the toxins when you are losing this fast. I'm glad I FEEL thirsty because it reminds me to drink! I swear I lost a lot of this weight in the bathroom! ;-)

I also love that DB and I are doing this together -- he even cooks for me sometimes! We're using our new grill a lot...he's cooked chicken breasts and a turkey burger for me this week. :-)

I am meeting Bea and Mark for dinner tonight down in Anaheim. DB has begged off...it's a long drive on a Friday night. The good part about this is that I can get there sooner as I can leave right from work rather than going home to get DB. Bonus! :-)

DB is continuing to do well. He has lost between 11 and 13 pounds (depending on which time he gets on the scale...last night at least 3 times in a row...boys are so different!). He's not like us...weighs sometimes with clothes on, weighs at different times of day, etc. This morning I notice his pants were very "gangsta"...hanging down below his undies!

Tomorrow we have two parties (a 3-year-old birthday party and a friend's BBQ). We have already planned to take our own food. Sunday is PD1's baby shower. We are taking pizza and beer as our contribution (it's a co-ed, casual thing). We are not drinking or eating any of that! Again, we'll take our own. This is NOT something that I see us doing long term. As we get to a weight where we are comfortable, my guess is that we will just try to keep the things we've learned and follow as best we can when social things come up...then hit the very-low-carb days hard afterwards. That kind of balance really MIGHT work long-term.

Vickie referred me to a blog yesterday where the person (who has lost a LOT of weight) talked about how she "hates" planning her food. I do too. But SOMEtimes it's just something I guess I have to do.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Thursday update

Going into day 4, I went up 0.4 today so I am now just at 5 pounds flat down from Monday. Since I said I'd be happy with 5 lbs. in a WEEK, this is great! The loss slows down after the first few days/week according to my friends who have done this (including DB who is holding steady at 10 lbs. down as he adds some carbs back in). I am happy to weigh every day at this point and to have all this information from others who have gone before so my expectations are realistic.

Still...getting on the scale in the morning and seeing it be lower than it has been since January is pretty nice. :-)

Seeing Bea tomorrow night for dinner...can't wait!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

It's working

The very-low carb thing DOES work. I have "lost" over 5 pounds since Monday. While intellectually I know that this is not REAL loss yet, it gives me a lot of encouragement to continue. We'll see if everything stays off next week when I add back in some starches. DB's weight is holding steady on his Week 2 with adding back starches so that is encouraging. :-)

I actually like eating like this (protein and green veggies)...don't miss too much at all. I have been mostly drinking on the weekend so not drinking during the week is not a big sacrifice. We almost always have a big salad for dinner during the week so that's not hard either. I like having small "meals" between breakfast and lunch and lunch and dinner. I even had a business lunch yesterday and stayed totally with the program.

The one hard thing so far is that I AM hungry. I usually am careful not to get hungry because that makes me afraid I will overeat. On Monday, I was a cranky hungry monkey at dinner time. Yesterday was better. And, as DB says, he feels like when he's hungry it means the fat is burning off. I hope today will be even better. :-)

If I can be strong, it is clearly possible for me to get the 15 pounds off that I would like to before we go away. I must be strong.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Day One of Cracking My Fat Code

OK, it' s ON.

DB has lost like 10 or 11 pounds since he started this a week ago...I would be ecstatic with half of that in a week! So we went shopping last night for basics for today (I'll stock up tonight) and I'm on the wagon with him. :-)

The patterning of eating is an interesting idea and, after the first very strict week, probably maintainable for me at least until 4th of July (when, undoubtedly, I'll fall off the wagon...and deservedly so if I'm that perfect for that long!) and then again until we leave for vacation on July 18. I really like to eat low-fat protein and low-carb anyway...this is just a stricter version of what I've been doing: the first week "actual" carbs are limited to 20g/day. That means lots of lettuce and broccoli. ;-) Five small meals a day is nice too...just when I start to get hungry, it will be time for a quick turkey/lettuce roll or an egg.

As usual, the hardest thing for me will be no alcohol....I do love my "treats" and that's still one I have allowed myself. But now it's time to get pre-bathing suit vacation serious (actually it was time 2 months ago, but I have done a poor job being "good"). And I have NO problem giving up fruit and sugary things. I love savory best. :-)

Send good thoughts...

We had a really fun weekend with the kids...it was way more relaxing than I would have thought it would be...with the exception of getting up early (baby up by 7, out of bed by 8)!! Both mornings, we took the baby and Doglet to walk for coffee (about a mile and a half round-trip). Yesterday we also walked to a Farmer's Market in the neighborhood. It was fun exploring this new area on foot...it's about 2 miles from us, but very different...lots of delicious green smells that we don't get too much at the beach. Saturday I gardened for about 3 hours and got a lot done. Saturday night we took the baby to Venice Beach's Carnavale with us and had soooo much fun...shopping, looking at crazy costumes, seeing a fantastic band with wild fire effect play, etc. The big kids were all really good...virtually NO work at all...only a little envelope-pushing. ;-)

Yesterday I tried to take Baby Sunshine shopping with me (she's 1 1/2...time to learn to shop) and this was not a great plan. It was fun when she'd say "toot" when I kept saying the clothes for her were cute (she has an amazing vocabulary for 19 months), but she didn't like being in the Baby Bjorn and when I let her down, she'd take off. So I ended up carrying her...outside the Bjorn (which also was still on my body). She's a really really good baby...we had a ball with her. Those of you on Facebook can see photos... :-)

Bea will be in town this week and I'm really hoping we get to see her and Mark...cross your fingers...you know we'll be unstoppable when we get together!! :-)

Friday, June 5, 2009

Starting anew and staying accountable

I so did NOT want to get on the scale this morning. As evidenced in my post from Wednesday, I was feeling very down this week and that means I didn't do well with what I put in my mouth. But I made myself face the scale...it's important to stay accountable to ME and not live in a dream world in which behaving like I did this week does not have consequences.

So this morning I am resolving to start anew. I only have about 6 weeks now to lose before our bathing suit vacation. I have made virtually no progress for the past two months and there is nothing I can do about that now. But I can start anew. I can try to have a better attitude. DB being on the Crack diet will HELP, not hurt, me (earlier this week I was feeling so resentful that he started without me -- and has now lost SEVEN or more pounds! -- that I was actually eating more -- had no real will power). I am going to start it myself next week...will be one week behind him, but we will eat similarly. And this way, I just copy him and don't have to actually read the whole book! ;-)

And can I say how much it is SO UNFAIR that he can lose so quickly?! Grrrrrr. ;-) I'm saying this with a wink and a smile because I really am happy for him...while I don't think he needs to lose weight, his gain since we have been together really bothers him and I honor his feelings about that. He has been working really hard this week and deserves success. I hope to be able to say the same for myself next week.

We will be packing up Doglet and heading inland a few miles to stay with the teens and baby for two nights starting tonight. This is the house where I garden so that will be really nice. And these kids (big and small) are really GREAT kids...while I would love to be able to be at our house this weekend, I am looking forward to kid fun. :-)

Here's a little something that The Universe sent to me this morning...I think it's appropriate for me getting back to being positive and working on making my weight a happy thing:

The baby steps in the beginning of a journey, Helen, always seem inadequate compared to the brilliance of the dream that inspired them. This is natural. If the dream wasn't so far "out there" and dazzling, it wouldn't be worth dreaming! Just don't be led to think that the physical ground you cover with your baby steps is all that they accomplish. Because for every mortal step you take, another cog in a giant wheel behind the curtains of time and space advances, and with it, 10,000 new possibilities.

Better than Star Trek,
The Universe

And you shall wonder, Helen, at what you ever did to deserve so very much....

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Too much

Vickie talks about too much sometimes and right now I'm feeling TOO MUCH.

I love my social life. I love my friends. I love the opportunities that I have to see, do and be. But I think I'm overbooked. Some of you might have thought that a long time ago, but I am usually very good as long as I have a little bit of Nothing Time. Right now I'm looking at, literally, months of little to no Nothing Time. I am scheduled up the wazoo. And I have no one to blame but me. :-(

Last weekend, like most weekends, flew by. Right as guests were arriving for our PWK Beach BBQ, I managed to bang my head on our fridge. When our first guests arrived, I was literally crying in the kitchen with ice on my forehead. The pain was really bad. The bump was forestalled by the ice, but it was (and is) there. I felt completely discombobulated: dizzy, nauseous, unable to focus my eyes or form coherent sentences. This lasted for a few hours. It was scary (particularly after the Natasha Richardson accident). Finally, after walking down to the playground at the beach to see our friends and their kids, I walked home slowly (DB with me all the time) and laid down. I cried some more. And then I felt a little better. I think maybe some of it was I was just frightened. Ended up having a really good time with our friends and they all left before 9 so it was a relatively early night.

Oh yeah, I neglected to mention The Fire on Saturday morning: we were trying out cooking a turkey on our new grill(which is awesome) for the first time. I had read on-line to put a pan under the grill rack to catch the oil and get the turkey tasting grill-y. We were a little nervous about this, but tried it. I was upstairs in my office when I heard DB yelling "we've got an oil fire!". God bless him, he went into crisis-solving mode right away and smothered the fire with a wet (not too wet) towel. I thought the turkey would be done-for, but it ended up still being really good (after we transferred it into a pan to put on the grill, not on the fire, instead). ;-) We'll make turkey this way again soon.

Saturday night I had a hard time falling asleep...not to mention that I had to wake up every two hours to make sure my concussion (if that's what it was/is) was ok.

Sunday was gardening day. I got a good three hours of hard work in, then we all had beers and dinner together. It was nice. I had a hard time getting to sleep that night though, too.

Monday I woke up with a sore throat and still tired from disrupted sleep over the weekend so I decided to stay home on Monday to rest. It felt great. I slept way in. I watched a movie. I ate pasta. I felt like a new woman (still feel a little cold-y, but better). Monday night, one of our friends was premiering a portion of an opera he's working on at a workshop so we went to that and had fun. I still felt rested on Tuesday morning when I got up for work even though it was a kind of late night.

Oh yeah, I forgot to say that DB started on the Crack-the-Fat-Code diet on Monday. Of course, he didn't tell me ahead of time that he was doing this, so I couldn't join. :-( I can't start things without planning. And, frankly, the more I read, the more I'm not so sure this is something for me. It's not a maintainable thing for me long-term (too rigid) -- I avoid that stuff because it's setting myself up for continual failure. I'm sure DB will lose this week...he is being very good. And I will probably eat somewhat like him if he sticks with it. We'll see.

Work is, of course, nutty because I missed a day (it was nutty before). I never seem to catch up.

I'm working out two nights this week, but not my usual nights: last night to the gym and tonight with yogatoday. This is because tomorrow night I'm off to a Green Day show with DB, the PDs and their men. Should be fun...but will be hard to be "good".

This weekend we are probably taking care of the kids (3 teens, one baby) of some friends who might be going out of town for some Couple Time. This will be fun but, of course, more of Too Much.

After this weekend, I look at my calendar and see literally every weekend except ONE in July where we are booked until we come back from our trip to St. John at the end of July...and then we have to start really prep'ing for Burning Man. I love summer, but how come the fun now looks just like commitment and no relaxation (except for our trips)? :-( I know it's all FUN that is booked, but...