Not that I have much to say! I am still trying to take it easy because I still have a teeny cough...
Monday night it was so hot here that DB decided to organize our local friends to go down to the beach for a nighttime picnic and music fest. Everyone brought snacks and drinks and their instruments. We brought candles and incense and blankets. And we had a blast! My last hurrah of fun after doing way too much fun last weekend (I dove back into my usual social life -- including dinner out on Friday night, coffee and breakfast with friends on Sat., Muse concert on Saturday night, art exhibition on the beach until 3 am Sat. night and a festival in 106 weather on Sunday. I very nearly relapsed big after that weekend!
This week I have been good and yucky lbs are coming off. I've still been lurking 10-15 lbs. above my lowest and that does not feel good. :-(
My assistant came back from vacation on Wednesday and gave notice -- she got a job in her field (film) so is leaving me for HBO. Oh well. I like her, but realize this is a good move for her. I sure wish I didn't have to look for someone new after only a year though! The good news is that I've gotten a TON of resumes after putting the word out to my business contacts yesterday. There are SO many good people out of work and willing to work cheap. It's very sad and scary...but good for me...hopefully I'll get someone who stays for a while. I have interviews all day tomorrow. Wish me luck!
This weekend, I'm doing a 2-hour volunteer shift at the Burning Man "decompression" event in downtown L.A. I hope this gives me some of that Burner joy that I missed a lot of this year.
Other than that, I am planning to REST. We'll see if I follow through with that... ;-)
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Not a "lost" blogger...
...just a very sick one!
As mentioned in comments for my last post, I got pneumonia on vacation and it was very bad. I have not been that sick probably ever. It took me over three weeks, two courses of antibiotics, narcotic cough medicine, an inhaler, Mucinex and LOTS of rest to START to feel like myself again a little bit. I still (now almost 4 weeks later) have a cough with colorful phlegm. But I am much much better and am finally, this week, back to work for full days (could only work less than full days all last week -- would get very out-of-breath and tired before full day was over).
Thank God for Netflix instant...I watched a ton of movies and one full 8-hour-long miniseries. Movie recommendations: Doubt, The Men Who Stare At Goats (first half) and Zombieland (had to close my eyes on the real zombie parts, but otherwise was a hoot).
DB was an amazing caretaker...I am a lucky woman. So much of the last three weeks seems like a daze...I am sure it would have taken me longer to get better if he wasn't around to take care of me.
OK, so how was Burning Man, you ask? Worst ever. Only because I was so so sick the entire time. :-( There were a few shining moments, but mostly just a lot of sick, dazed yuck.
I started getting sick the Saturday night before we left on Sunday morning. By the time we got to Reno on Sunday night, I had a full-on fever and cough. DB was also feverish and feeling sick...luckily his only lasted that night and a little of the next day. My first mistake was not staying at the hotel in Reno until my fever went away. But I didn't want to send DB out there to Burning Man to set everything up all alone...and I didn't really have any idea how sick I was.
Monday, driving onto the "playa", it took us three hours in line (that is after 2 hours' drive from Reno). Needless to say, by the time we got to our camping spot, we were both pretty tired and I was getting sicker. It was an unseasonably cool day which was the only bonus. As we were setting up, a huge rainstorm came through (the worst I've ever experienced out there). As our shelter was not yet set up, the only thing we could do was huddle in the van until it stopped...then hurry to get at least our tent up before dark. There was an amazing technicolor double rainbow after the rain though...gorgeous.
Monday night I did NOT go out with the rest of my campmates (we were with 7 other people from Massachusetts, Virginia, Texas and Wyoming...the best camp we've ever had!) to explore. I stayed home in bed and had a slumber party with one of my campmates who was just too tired to go out.
That night when DB came home, he found me in bed feverish and shivering. No matter how much he held me, I couldn't get warm or stop shaking. I knew I was very very sick, but it was just too cold for me to consider getting on my bike and going a few blocks to the med tent. I was miserable, but finally slept some.
You may remember that I do tours of the alternative energy projects in our village every day during the event. My first one was at 11 am on Tuesday. I don't know how I got through it...I actually don't even remember doing that one, but I did with a smile on my face. I'm not sure anyone even knew I was sick...except for the hacking...which wasn't that bad yet.
After the tour that day (and every other day), I just mostly rested in camp. I think on Tuesday I tried to take a little ride with DB out to the "playa" to see art, but I didn't last long. That night I stayed home while all my campmates went out to have fun. :-(
Wednesday morning (like every morning there), DB whipped up breakfast burritos for everyone (he wants to make sure I have nutrition before I do my tours and the protein was very smart), then I did my tour. I felt like I had a little more energy after that so we went out to the Temple...I had a project to do...a memorial for my friend Sheila.
First of all, some background: it was very beautiful this year, best weather ever. The theme for the event was "Metropolis" so much of the art was very "urban" looking. The temple, as a counterbalance, was designed to look like canyons, formations of nature -- it was called The Temple of Flux. The idea was that the temple represented the first places humans gathered...for community, worship, etc. It is a tradition at Burning Man for people to attach things to the temple, things they want to release, things they want to remember.
On Wednesday, DB and I biked out to the temple. We took the shirt that I had gotten for Sheila for her birthday this year (she died before it happened -- the shirt said "re-create yourself"). In anticipation of this memorial,many of her friends had written notes on the shirt. We rigged the shirt up on a small part of the wall of the temple and it was free to blow in the breeze. The view from that point was very beautiful...the wild "playa", empty and full at the same time.
As we put up her shirt with all our messages, DB and I both cried a lot. We miss her so. We always wanted her to be there with us. And now she was...even if not in a way that we would have preferred or imagined.
(A side story: after we had finished putting up Sheila's shirt, a man came over to me. He was looking at me like he couldn't say what he needed to...like maybe he didn't even speak English. Finally he said "I brought a stapler, but it's not the right kind." I offered him our heavy-duty one to borrow and he took it to put up his own memorial. When he brought it back to me, he was crying. We hugged for a very long time and both cried. And then he sat by his memorial and cried some more. I think it was for his dad.)
We didn't go back to the temple until the night of the Temple Burn (the last night of the event -- Sunday, September 5)...
Wednesday night I actually felt good enough to shower and go out after dinner with DB to see the city at night. I lasted, oh, maybe two hours. I was so tired and sick. We went home and just chilled at a "cuddle puddle" that some of our neighbors had. That was a nice night for me because I got to be with DB and some of our campmates and DB got to play his hang drum (google if you are interested in what that is...very lovely sound). :-)
Thursday was super sick day. On my tour, I realized that the reason I wasn't able to talk as much as I usually do was that I was losing my breath...I had very little lung capacity. That afternoon, a friend of mine who is a nurse and works for medical out there came by and told me she suspected I had pneumonia -- she told me to go to the hospital (yes, they have one) and get some antibiotic. That night I was SO SO sick. I was also SO SO sad because all my friends were having so much fun and I was having NONE. I went to sleep on a cot under the stars after they all went out for another fun night. Crawled into our yurt later to sleep...
Friday (after my best tour of the whole week) was time to go to the hospital. So, that afternoon, after running to see a friend whose son I had offered to babysit pre-Burn to tell her that NO WAY should I watch her kid, I was off to the hospital. DB went with me but as soon as they took me out of the first waiting room I told him to go home...I had no idea how long the wait would be and it was clear it would be boring. So he went. I waited about 2 hours to see a doctor. In the meantime, all the nurses were saying they thought I had a lung infection. When the doctor finally saw me, he gave me this rave about how "if it's a virus, an antibiotic won't help it". Um, right, but I've had a fever every night for 6 nights and am coughing up a lung and have no lung capacity...you've got to do SOMEthing!! I asked him if I had pneumonia and he said he couldn't hear it because it was "too noisy". Grrrrrrrr. He agreed to get me an antibiotic from Reno (said they didn't have anything for lungs on-playa) and that it would be in the next night!! I tried to get him to give me something there and then, but no luck. :-( I can't believe they didn't have Z-paks out there but, oh well...
Got home Friday night and DB had arranged for some of our village-mates to drive me out to the playa on their art car to see one of the art pieces burn. This was so sweet because I had NO energy to bike and no vehicles are allowed to drive except art cars.
So we headed out to the burn on Friday night...me with lots of water and Mucinex...par-tay! ;-) The burn was really beautiful...the fire artists outdid themselves with cascading colorful firefalls and other special effects. I was thrilled that I didn't miss it. But, when it was over about 10 pm, a dust storm came up. This was the first one of the whole week (which is pretty amazing since it's usually dust storms ALL the time), but it was a bad one...you couldn't see 5 feet in front of you so you couldn't walk or drive since you had no idea where you were going. We were very lucky that the art car we were on had shelter in the back so I didn't get the dust in my lungs too much.
It took us 2 hours to get home that night...during which we sat still waiting for the dust to clear, welcomed a scared little girl (22) from NYC into our car to protect her as she was so frightened (we got her "home" safe and sound), drove a little, stopped a lot (our battery was also dying), and just tried to have a good attitude about it because there was nothing we could do.
We finally got within sight of the city and finally FINALLY limped into camp about midnight. Whew.
Saturday was the big Burn Day and everyone in the city is excited. Except me. I am sicker and sicker and have to go pick up my antibiotic at the hospital at 8 pm...when everyone else will be heading out to the Burn. :-( I did my last tour and one of my work colleagues showed up to visit (his first Burn). At this point, I was so feverish that I was just sitting around with ice water scarves all over my head and neck -- my body wasn't able both fight the germs and regulate my body temp. I sat around chatting all afternoon...and one of our village-mates asked me and DB if we would like to sit on his scaffold for the Burn later (which was really nice for me...I wouldn't have to stand and would be able to see well).
That afternoon, a friend gave me some tea tree oil for my nose and it helped some. Then, later, another friend came by and asked me if I would like him to do Reiki on me -- why not?! So he did a short treatment and OMG I got a wave of energy! I felt better than I had all week! It was a miracle. I don't know how it works (and it didn't heal me, just made me have enough energy to enjoy my evening), but it did. Amazing. I need to learn more about this...
So, that evening, DB went off pushing the scaffold with our friends as I biked over to the hospital for my antibiotic. When I got there: no antibiotic. The car was not back from Reno. They told me to come back at 11 pm. :-(
I biked over to meet everyone at the scaffold and it was the best view I've ever had of the Man Burn. Very fun for me.
Afterwards, I went back to the hospital...still no antibiotic. So they gave me a Keflex (which, turns out, was really the WRONG thing for them to do) and told me to come back in 12 hours for another one. Seriously? What was I going to do? Sell antibiotics?! Oy...
(Funny side story: after the Burn, you can imagine how busy the hospital was. Lots of people who had indulged too much. One guy sitting in the waiting room was clearly way out of it. The nurse said to him "how old are you?". "Uhhhhhh....ssss...ssss...thhhhhh...thirty." "Do you know your name?". "Uhhhhhh....Ssssssss...sssss...sssss...ebastian." "Do you know your birthday?" "Uhhhhh...sssss...sssss....ssssss........eptember 7." "Do you know where you are?"
[eyes open, light up and instant answer:] "BURNING MAN!")
When we got "home" to our camp, all our campmates were home too and we had a really nice time all just sitting around camp and chatting. This was one of my favorite nights (I missed them all so much when they went out...having fun I couldn't have!).
Sunday morning...slept in for the first time all week...yay! After coffee, I headed to the hospital for my next Keflex. I asked them if I could just please have the prescription for the RIGHT antibiotic (doxycycline) and that I would get it in Reno the next morning. Happily, they gave it to me so I didn't have to go back there again.
DB and campmates forbid me from helping them much in taking down camp on Sunday and packing up. So I sat around like a lump and felt both sick and bad that I wasn't helping. But I took it easy...and everything but our yurt got taken down and packed before 6 pm.
We showered and got ready for the Temple Burn. I was very very sick at that point ...I dressed in a salwar kameez (Indian outfit) that I thought Sheila would like. We took incense and champagne with us and biked out to the temple with several of our campmates. We got a great spot to watch right by the wall where Sheila's shirt was.
Unlike the burn of the Man the night before, the temple burn is a solemn occasion and the crowd, though huge, was very quiet. We lit our incense, toasted Sheila (and the grandparents of one of our friends who also died last year), then the fire started...and burned. We all were crying...it was very beautiful...
As the temple burns, parts of it fall...this year, the part that stayed standing the longest was the little wall where Sheila's shirt was. That seemed very right to me.
And then we biked home and went to bed so we could get up at 4 am, take down the yurt and hit the road asap (getting out can take HOURS and this is the best time to leave to minimize the wait in line).
I think I was totally delirious when I got up on Monday. I hadn't taken my clothes off the night before so still was in the salwar kameez. We took the yurt down (it's very quick) and threw all our remaining things in our trailer to head out. We left camp about 4:30 and got to the pavement by 5:30 (then it's at least another 2 hours to Reno). That was actually very good time so we were happy.
Got to the pharmacy in Reno about 8:30 and got the good antibiotic and other supplies. Then we went to have some breakfast and headed to our friend's ranch where we planned to spend that day and night...I had texted him that morning to make sure it was ok that we came since I was SO sick and he, very sweetly, said of course.
His ranch is right south of Reno in the mountains and it's beautiful. Very near Lake Tahoe. He was hoping we could go out on his boat on the lake and play on his ATV, etc. No such luck. After showering, we hit the bed to sleep...I slept for three hours! Basically spent the whole time there sleeping, lying on his couch and chatting. It was a nice oasis, but I was ready to be home in my own bed...
We left about 9 am the next day to start the LONG drive home...got home by 8 pm and crashed.
I tried to go to work the next day, but had to leave to go to my doctor and get an Xray (when the pneumonia diagnosis was confirmed). After that I was in bed for five days before trying to go back to work (last week's partial days).
So that brings you up-to-date. We haven't uploaded our photos yet...I'm just not that excited about it since it was such a horrible time for me this year. But I will post when we do.
The good news is that I came back having lost a few pounds...and continued to while I was sick despite eating soup for pretty much literally every meal. I know I'm getting better because this week I had to stop those noodle-carbs since the lbs started adding back up again! I'm now back on plan and on my way down the scale...again.
As mentioned in comments for my last post, I got pneumonia on vacation and it was very bad. I have not been that sick probably ever. It took me over three weeks, two courses of antibiotics, narcotic cough medicine, an inhaler, Mucinex and LOTS of rest to START to feel like myself again a little bit. I still (now almost 4 weeks later) have a cough with colorful phlegm. But I am much much better and am finally, this week, back to work for full days (could only work less than full days all last week -- would get very out-of-breath and tired before full day was over).
Thank God for Netflix instant...I watched a ton of movies and one full 8-hour-long miniseries. Movie recommendations: Doubt, The Men Who Stare At Goats (first half) and Zombieland (had to close my eyes on the real zombie parts, but otherwise was a hoot).
DB was an amazing caretaker...I am a lucky woman. So much of the last three weeks seems like a daze...I am sure it would have taken me longer to get better if he wasn't around to take care of me.
OK, so how was Burning Man, you ask? Worst ever. Only because I was so so sick the entire time. :-( There were a few shining moments, but mostly just a lot of sick, dazed yuck.
I started getting sick the Saturday night before we left on Sunday morning. By the time we got to Reno on Sunday night, I had a full-on fever and cough. DB was also feverish and feeling sick...luckily his only lasted that night and a little of the next day. My first mistake was not staying at the hotel in Reno until my fever went away. But I didn't want to send DB out there to Burning Man to set everything up all alone...and I didn't really have any idea how sick I was.
Monday, driving onto the "playa", it took us three hours in line (that is after 2 hours' drive from Reno). Needless to say, by the time we got to our camping spot, we were both pretty tired and I was getting sicker. It was an unseasonably cool day which was the only bonus. As we were setting up, a huge rainstorm came through (the worst I've ever experienced out there). As our shelter was not yet set up, the only thing we could do was huddle in the van until it stopped...then hurry to get at least our tent up before dark. There was an amazing technicolor double rainbow after the rain though...gorgeous.
Monday night I did NOT go out with the rest of my campmates (we were with 7 other people from Massachusetts, Virginia, Texas and Wyoming...the best camp we've ever had!) to explore. I stayed home in bed and had a slumber party with one of my campmates who was just too tired to go out.
That night when DB came home, he found me in bed feverish and shivering. No matter how much he held me, I couldn't get warm or stop shaking. I knew I was very very sick, but it was just too cold for me to consider getting on my bike and going a few blocks to the med tent. I was miserable, but finally slept some.
You may remember that I do tours of the alternative energy projects in our village every day during the event. My first one was at 11 am on Tuesday. I don't know how I got through it...I actually don't even remember doing that one, but I did with a smile on my face. I'm not sure anyone even knew I was sick...except for the hacking...which wasn't that bad yet.
After the tour that day (and every other day), I just mostly rested in camp. I think on Tuesday I tried to take a little ride with DB out to the "playa" to see art, but I didn't last long. That night I stayed home while all my campmates went out to have fun. :-(
Wednesday morning (like every morning there), DB whipped up breakfast burritos for everyone (he wants to make sure I have nutrition before I do my tours and the protein was very smart), then I did my tour. I felt like I had a little more energy after that so we went out to the Temple...I had a project to do...a memorial for my friend Sheila.
First of all, some background: it was very beautiful this year, best weather ever. The theme for the event was "Metropolis" so much of the art was very "urban" looking. The temple, as a counterbalance, was designed to look like canyons, formations of nature -- it was called The Temple of Flux. The idea was that the temple represented the first places humans gathered...for community, worship, etc. It is a tradition at Burning Man for people to attach things to the temple, things they want to release, things they want to remember.
On Wednesday, DB and I biked out to the temple. We took the shirt that I had gotten for Sheila for her birthday this year (she died before it happened -- the shirt said "re-create yourself"). In anticipation of this memorial,many of her friends had written notes on the shirt. We rigged the shirt up on a small part of the wall of the temple and it was free to blow in the breeze. The view from that point was very beautiful...the wild "playa", empty and full at the same time.
As we put up her shirt with all our messages, DB and I both cried a lot. We miss her so. We always wanted her to be there with us. And now she was...even if not in a way that we would have preferred or imagined.
(A side story: after we had finished putting up Sheila's shirt, a man came over to me. He was looking at me like he couldn't say what he needed to...like maybe he didn't even speak English. Finally he said "I brought a stapler, but it's not the right kind." I offered him our heavy-duty one to borrow and he took it to put up his own memorial. When he brought it back to me, he was crying. We hugged for a very long time and both cried. And then he sat by his memorial and cried some more. I think it was for his dad.)
We didn't go back to the temple until the night of the Temple Burn (the last night of the event -- Sunday, September 5)...
Wednesday night I actually felt good enough to shower and go out after dinner with DB to see the city at night. I lasted, oh, maybe two hours. I was so tired and sick. We went home and just chilled at a "cuddle puddle" that some of our neighbors had. That was a nice night for me because I got to be with DB and some of our campmates and DB got to play his hang drum (google if you are interested in what that is...very lovely sound). :-)
Thursday was super sick day. On my tour, I realized that the reason I wasn't able to talk as much as I usually do was that I was losing my breath...I had very little lung capacity. That afternoon, a friend of mine who is a nurse and works for medical out there came by and told me she suspected I had pneumonia -- she told me to go to the hospital (yes, they have one) and get some antibiotic. That night I was SO SO sick. I was also SO SO sad because all my friends were having so much fun and I was having NONE. I went to sleep on a cot under the stars after they all went out for another fun night. Crawled into our yurt later to sleep...
Friday (after my best tour of the whole week) was time to go to the hospital. So, that afternoon, after running to see a friend whose son I had offered to babysit pre-Burn to tell her that NO WAY should I watch her kid, I was off to the hospital. DB went with me but as soon as they took me out of the first waiting room I told him to go home...I had no idea how long the wait would be and it was clear it would be boring. So he went. I waited about 2 hours to see a doctor. In the meantime, all the nurses were saying they thought I had a lung infection. When the doctor finally saw me, he gave me this rave about how "if it's a virus, an antibiotic won't help it". Um, right, but I've had a fever every night for 6 nights and am coughing up a lung and have no lung capacity...you've got to do SOMEthing!! I asked him if I had pneumonia and he said he couldn't hear it because it was "too noisy". Grrrrrrrr. He agreed to get me an antibiotic from Reno (said they didn't have anything for lungs on-playa) and that it would be in the next night!! I tried to get him to give me something there and then, but no luck. :-( I can't believe they didn't have Z-paks out there but, oh well...
Got home Friday night and DB had arranged for some of our village-mates to drive me out to the playa on their art car to see one of the art pieces burn. This was so sweet because I had NO energy to bike and no vehicles are allowed to drive except art cars.
So we headed out to the burn on Friday night...me with lots of water and Mucinex...par-tay! ;-) The burn was really beautiful...the fire artists outdid themselves with cascading colorful firefalls and other special effects. I was thrilled that I didn't miss it. But, when it was over about 10 pm, a dust storm came up. This was the first one of the whole week (which is pretty amazing since it's usually dust storms ALL the time), but it was a bad one...you couldn't see 5 feet in front of you so you couldn't walk or drive since you had no idea where you were going. We were very lucky that the art car we were on had shelter in the back so I didn't get the dust in my lungs too much.
It took us 2 hours to get home that night...during which we sat still waiting for the dust to clear, welcomed a scared little girl (22) from NYC into our car to protect her as she was so frightened (we got her "home" safe and sound), drove a little, stopped a lot (our battery was also dying), and just tried to have a good attitude about it because there was nothing we could do.
We finally got within sight of the city and finally FINALLY limped into camp about midnight. Whew.
Saturday was the big Burn Day and everyone in the city is excited. Except me. I am sicker and sicker and have to go pick up my antibiotic at the hospital at 8 pm...when everyone else will be heading out to the Burn. :-( I did my last tour and one of my work colleagues showed up to visit (his first Burn). At this point, I was so feverish that I was just sitting around with ice water scarves all over my head and neck -- my body wasn't able both fight the germs and regulate my body temp. I sat around chatting all afternoon...and one of our village-mates asked me and DB if we would like to sit on his scaffold for the Burn later (which was really nice for me...I wouldn't have to stand and would be able to see well).
That afternoon, a friend gave me some tea tree oil for my nose and it helped some. Then, later, another friend came by and asked me if I would like him to do Reiki on me -- why not?! So he did a short treatment and OMG I got a wave of energy! I felt better than I had all week! It was a miracle. I don't know how it works (and it didn't heal me, just made me have enough energy to enjoy my evening), but it did. Amazing. I need to learn more about this...
So, that evening, DB went off pushing the scaffold with our friends as I biked over to the hospital for my antibiotic. When I got there: no antibiotic. The car was not back from Reno. They told me to come back at 11 pm. :-(
I biked over to meet everyone at the scaffold and it was the best view I've ever had of the Man Burn. Very fun for me.
Afterwards, I went back to the hospital...still no antibiotic. So they gave me a Keflex (which, turns out, was really the WRONG thing for them to do) and told me to come back in 12 hours for another one. Seriously? What was I going to do? Sell antibiotics?! Oy...
(Funny side story: after the Burn, you can imagine how busy the hospital was. Lots of people who had indulged too much. One guy sitting in the waiting room was clearly way out of it. The nurse said to him "how old are you?". "Uhhhhhh....ssss...ssss...thhhhhh...thirty." "Do you know your name?". "Uhhhhhh....Ssssssss...sssss...sssss...ebastian." "Do you know your birthday?" "Uhhhhh...sssss...sssss....ssssss........eptember 7." "Do you know where you are?"
[eyes open, light up and instant answer:] "BURNING MAN!")
When we got "home" to our camp, all our campmates were home too and we had a really nice time all just sitting around camp and chatting. This was one of my favorite nights (I missed them all so much when they went out...having fun I couldn't have!).
Sunday morning...slept in for the first time all week...yay! After coffee, I headed to the hospital for my next Keflex. I asked them if I could just please have the prescription for the RIGHT antibiotic (doxycycline) and that I would get it in Reno the next morning. Happily, they gave it to me so I didn't have to go back there again.
DB and campmates forbid me from helping them much in taking down camp on Sunday and packing up. So I sat around like a lump and felt both sick and bad that I wasn't helping. But I took it easy...and everything but our yurt got taken down and packed before 6 pm.
We showered and got ready for the Temple Burn. I was very very sick at that point ...I dressed in a salwar kameez (Indian outfit) that I thought Sheila would like. We took incense and champagne with us and biked out to the temple with several of our campmates. We got a great spot to watch right by the wall where Sheila's shirt was.
Unlike the burn of the Man the night before, the temple burn is a solemn occasion and the crowd, though huge, was very quiet. We lit our incense, toasted Sheila (and the grandparents of one of our friends who also died last year), then the fire started...and burned. We all were crying...it was very beautiful...
As the temple burns, parts of it fall...this year, the part that stayed standing the longest was the little wall where Sheila's shirt was. That seemed very right to me.
And then we biked home and went to bed so we could get up at 4 am, take down the yurt and hit the road asap (getting out can take HOURS and this is the best time to leave to minimize the wait in line).
I think I was totally delirious when I got up on Monday. I hadn't taken my clothes off the night before so still was in the salwar kameez. We took the yurt down (it's very quick) and threw all our remaining things in our trailer to head out. We left camp about 4:30 and got to the pavement by 5:30 (then it's at least another 2 hours to Reno). That was actually very good time so we were happy.
Got to the pharmacy in Reno about 8:30 and got the good antibiotic and other supplies. Then we went to have some breakfast and headed to our friend's ranch where we planned to spend that day and night...I had texted him that morning to make sure it was ok that we came since I was SO sick and he, very sweetly, said of course.
His ranch is right south of Reno in the mountains and it's beautiful. Very near Lake Tahoe. He was hoping we could go out on his boat on the lake and play on his ATV, etc. No such luck. After showering, we hit the bed to sleep...I slept for three hours! Basically spent the whole time there sleeping, lying on his couch and chatting. It was a nice oasis, but I was ready to be home in my own bed...
We left about 9 am the next day to start the LONG drive home...got home by 8 pm and crashed.
I tried to go to work the next day, but had to leave to go to my doctor and get an Xray (when the pneumonia diagnosis was confirmed). After that I was in bed for five days before trying to go back to work (last week's partial days).
So that brings you up-to-date. We haven't uploaded our photos yet...I'm just not that excited about it since it was such a horrible time for me this year. But I will post when we do.
The good news is that I came back having lost a few pounds...and continued to while I was sick despite eating soup for pretty much literally every meal. I know I'm getting better because this week I had to stop those noodle-carbs since the lbs started adding back up again! I'm now back on plan and on my way down the scale...again.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
NO time to write but...
...here's my hair for Burning Man this year! We leave on Sunday and are back after Labor Day. I am excited...and look forward to some rest after all the pre-trip work, setting up, etc. I am 10 lbs. heavier than I was last year at this time. Not happy about it, but that's the truth. At least all my tutus still fit. ;-)
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Crazy busy time of year
We are now in the "my sister and her family from NYC are spending the two weeks before Burning Man at our house" period of the summer. In addition to that, the other paralegal in our department (my former assistant who I trained to do the stuff I hate...and has been doing it for the past 15 years) just had twins two weeks ago so I am stuck doing both her and my jobs for the foreseeable future. The result of this is very little to no time for blogging. :-( I do so appreciate your all still checking in with me though...it nudges me to try to write at least a little bit about what is going on.
I am doing better with exercise. I have been taking long hard beach walks and still doing my yoga practice at home to the point of next-day-(good)-soreness. I feel good that I have gotten back on that wagon even a little bit. It will be dodgy the next couple of weeks with the NYC family in town and with pre-BM prep, but I will keep trying...just like I said in my last post.
The result of the increased exercise is that the lbs are coming off...very slowly, but surely. It is a relief to see that happening again. I won't be at my low weight before we leave for BM (on August 29), but at least I won't be as heavy as I was a few weeks ago. And maybe my favorite tutu/crinoline will still fit! ;-)
My NYC family is sensitive to my food issues so they don't offer me the vacationy carbs that they have lying around the house and that is great! :-) It's really fun to have them with us...even though I can't take any days off work while they are here. My niece is now a full 2 inches taller than me at 13! She is beautiful, sweet, smart, artistic and, to use her favorite word, AMAZING. ;-) My nephew (8) is hilariously funny and clever, adorably cuddly and just a total sweetheart. It totally sucks that I see them a max of two times a year.
We have SO MUCH to get done pre-BM...it's not as bad as the past years because we have a system and most of our reusable supplies...but it will still be hectic next week (the NYC Fam is leaving for 4 days to another part of Cali and we will use those days to get ready!).
Tomorrow night DB is playing drums with a band at a bar in our 'hood (on the beach)...I have actually never seen him play out like this so I am very excited! Then, on Thursday, our neighborhood is having an "art crawl" (lots of "pop-up" galleries and events within walking distance). One of our friends is opening his huge loft on the boardwalk as a gallery and DB will be playing a new instrument that is kind of a drum/bell thingee for that. This is all after he and my brother-in-law rocked out in the studio last night...a big music week! :-)
So, anyway, I am doing better. And the sun has even been out the past two mornings when I walked down the beach to get my coffee early! Ahhhhh...
I am doing better with exercise. I have been taking long hard beach walks and still doing my yoga practice at home to the point of next-day-(good)-soreness. I feel good that I have gotten back on that wagon even a little bit. It will be dodgy the next couple of weeks with the NYC family in town and with pre-BM prep, but I will keep trying...just like I said in my last post.
The result of the increased exercise is that the lbs are coming off...very slowly, but surely. It is a relief to see that happening again. I won't be at my low weight before we leave for BM (on August 29), but at least I won't be as heavy as I was a few weeks ago. And maybe my favorite tutu/crinoline will still fit! ;-)
My NYC family is sensitive to my food issues so they don't offer me the vacationy carbs that they have lying around the house and that is great! :-) It's really fun to have them with us...even though I can't take any days off work while they are here. My niece is now a full 2 inches taller than me at 13! She is beautiful, sweet, smart, artistic and, to use her favorite word, AMAZING. ;-) My nephew (8) is hilariously funny and clever, adorably cuddly and just a total sweetheart. It totally sucks that I see them a max of two times a year.
We have SO MUCH to get done pre-BM...it's not as bad as the past years because we have a system and most of our reusable supplies...but it will still be hectic next week (the NYC Fam is leaving for 4 days to another part of Cali and we will use those days to get ready!).
Tomorrow night DB is playing drums with a band at a bar in our 'hood (on the beach)...I have actually never seen him play out like this so I am very excited! Then, on Thursday, our neighborhood is having an "art crawl" (lots of "pop-up" galleries and events within walking distance). One of our friends is opening his huge loft on the boardwalk as a gallery and DB will be playing a new instrument that is kind of a drum/bell thingee for that. This is all after he and my brother-in-law rocked out in the studio last night...a big music week! :-)
So, anyway, I am doing better. And the sun has even been out the past two mornings when I walked down the beach to get my coffee early! Ahhhhh...
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Exercise and The Weight
Vickie's comment nudged me to write this post that has been percolating for a few (maybe several) days. Like many of Us, I find it hard to write when I am struggling...putting words to what is going on can be painful. Of course, I know that from pain comes growth...
I've been doing badly with The Weight. I have gained back quite a bit of what I lost last year pre-St. John vacation...I still am about 9 pounds below where I started last year and 19 below THN (The Horrible Number), but what I see on the scale each day is NOT GOOD.
I still weigh every day...no matter how bad it is. And that probably has kept me from completely going off the deep end. I have many excuses, but there is, I think, one big reason and one small reason for why this has happened:
Small reason: Not eating perfectly on plan. No perfect days anymore although most are very good.
BIG REASON: No real exercise since ski season stopped for us in May.
For some reason, once I let the exercise slack off, it is extremely hard for me to get back in that good rut. I do take a small walk each morning to get coffee (about a mile round trip) but, while that is a very good habit, it is not enough.
I have been beating myself up about this for several weeks...and this week I finally really made an effort to DO something about it.
Monday night, DB and I took a very long beach walk (probably about 3+ miles). Beach walking is hard on my knees so I always am concerned. This has made our recent beach walks (we still have done one or two a week through this HORRIBLY GRAY summer) slower than they should be for real exercise. We stroll. Monday we didn't stroll...we walked hard enough to break a sweat. This meant no hand-holding...it's easier to really stride when you are not physically connected. We could use more of our bodies (arms) while we walked. We walked a lot farther than we have in a long time. And it felt good. My knees were fine. The next day I felt a teeny bit sore in my legs and butt and that was good.
Tuesday night I had resolved to do yoga. I miss yoga. My thumb/wrist has been better enough for at least a few weeks to have gone. But I still am struggling with the studio...the vibe there is just, I don't know, TOO MUCH. The teacher/owner is so very peppy and everyone is so chatty before and after class and the studio is too small to really get away from all that SCATTERED energy.
I spent most of Tuesday thinking about what to do off-and-on. I was determined to practice my yoga...checked out a website that does streaming on demand classes, but it seemed to be all ashtanga/power yoga. NOT what I need. Thought about The Studio. Even e-mailed the teacher and told her I might be back. But something kept me from totally committing to this. I thought about practicing at home, but I have never been truly successful with a home practice...never push myself enough...never get really peaceful...monkey-mind working overtime...never able to just feel what I need and do it.
On the drive home from work, I was still undecided. I put some bhajans into the cd player and chanted. It became clear to me that The Studio was not going to make me happy...at least not that day. I reminded myself that I know yoga very very well and that after all these years of study I certainly should be able to put what I know into practice. MY PERSONAL PRACTICE. The final sign was a guy about 3 blocks from my home that I saw wearing a hoodie that said "guru". Yes, I said to myself, you are your own guru...remember that.
So I went home. Got DB to agree to leave the living room/kitchen area to me for an hour (he was happy to) because the ceiling upstairs in my office is not high enough for me to really stretch UP. I got all my props downstairs, got my "yoga" playlist going on my iTunes on the computer, lit incense, turned off most of the lights and sat down on my bolster to begin.
I took my time. I really waited to begin asana until my breath was calmer. I did alternate nostril breathing to balance. I cleared my head. Even sitting on the bolster hurt my hips...I am so out of yoga-shape.
When I started to move (still seated on the bolster), I moved slowly and with intention. I paid attention to the parts of me that felt sore. I moved instinctively into more asana from there...
I warmed up my body with variations on sun salutations and standing poses. I saved my favorites (trikonasana and half moon) for last as a treat. My body remembers the poses...even if it can't do them the way it used to. It felt good. I held poses for just as long as I should...if I felt too much physical discomfort or pain, I moved on to the next. (None of this is possible for me in a class...there is always some point where you are doing what the teacher says, not what your body does.)
After the standing poses, I worked my way down and did some intense ab work, bridge and bow. Then stretches, twists, headstand and shoulder stand. I finished off in my favorite way with fish pose, then savasana. I took my time with savasana...I've never been able to do that before in home practice.
Throughout the practice when the spirit moved me I chanted along with the music...and when I sat up after savasana, I chanted while I sat and thanked the universe for a truly spectacular home practice...I thanked ME.
I felt so great and empowered by this practice the other night. I can't wait to try again tonight (last night we had to do shopping for Grandbaby's belated birthday celebration on Friday).
My body is still sore in a good way today. And a few pounds have come off this week.
I will keep trying.
I've been doing badly with The Weight. I have gained back quite a bit of what I lost last year pre-St. John vacation...I still am about 9 pounds below where I started last year and 19 below THN (The Horrible Number), but what I see on the scale each day is NOT GOOD.
I still weigh every day...no matter how bad it is. And that probably has kept me from completely going off the deep end. I have many excuses, but there is, I think, one big reason and one small reason for why this has happened:
Small reason: Not eating perfectly on plan. No perfect days anymore although most are very good.
BIG REASON: No real exercise since ski season stopped for us in May.
For some reason, once I let the exercise slack off, it is extremely hard for me to get back in that good rut. I do take a small walk each morning to get coffee (about a mile round trip) but, while that is a very good habit, it is not enough.
I have been beating myself up about this for several weeks...and this week I finally really made an effort to DO something about it.
Monday night, DB and I took a very long beach walk (probably about 3+ miles). Beach walking is hard on my knees so I always am concerned. This has made our recent beach walks (we still have done one or two a week through this HORRIBLY GRAY summer) slower than they should be for real exercise. We stroll. Monday we didn't stroll...we walked hard enough to break a sweat. This meant no hand-holding...it's easier to really stride when you are not physically connected. We could use more of our bodies (arms) while we walked. We walked a lot farther than we have in a long time. And it felt good. My knees were fine. The next day I felt a teeny bit sore in my legs and butt and that was good.
Tuesday night I had resolved to do yoga. I miss yoga. My thumb/wrist has been better enough for at least a few weeks to have gone. But I still am struggling with the studio...the vibe there is just, I don't know, TOO MUCH. The teacher/owner is so very peppy and everyone is so chatty before and after class and the studio is too small to really get away from all that SCATTERED energy.
I spent most of Tuesday thinking about what to do off-and-on. I was determined to practice my yoga...checked out a website that does streaming on demand classes, but it seemed to be all ashtanga/power yoga. NOT what I need. Thought about The Studio. Even e-mailed the teacher and told her I might be back. But something kept me from totally committing to this. I thought about practicing at home, but I have never been truly successful with a home practice...never push myself enough...never get really peaceful...monkey-mind working overtime...never able to just feel what I need and do it.
On the drive home from work, I was still undecided. I put some bhajans into the cd player and chanted. It became clear to me that The Studio was not going to make me happy...at least not that day. I reminded myself that I know yoga very very well and that after all these years of study I certainly should be able to put what I know into practice. MY PERSONAL PRACTICE. The final sign was a guy about 3 blocks from my home that I saw wearing a hoodie that said "guru". Yes, I said to myself, you are your own guru...remember that.
So I went home. Got DB to agree to leave the living room/kitchen area to me for an hour (he was happy to) because the ceiling upstairs in my office is not high enough for me to really stretch UP. I got all my props downstairs, got my "yoga" playlist going on my iTunes on the computer, lit incense, turned off most of the lights and sat down on my bolster to begin.
I took my time. I really waited to begin asana until my breath was calmer. I did alternate nostril breathing to balance. I cleared my head. Even sitting on the bolster hurt my hips...I am so out of yoga-shape.
When I started to move (still seated on the bolster), I moved slowly and with intention. I paid attention to the parts of me that felt sore. I moved instinctively into more asana from there...
I warmed up my body with variations on sun salutations and standing poses. I saved my favorites (trikonasana and half moon) for last as a treat. My body remembers the poses...even if it can't do them the way it used to. It felt good. I held poses for just as long as I should...if I felt too much physical discomfort or pain, I moved on to the next. (None of this is possible for me in a class...there is always some point where you are doing what the teacher says, not what your body does.)
After the standing poses, I worked my way down and did some intense ab work, bridge and bow. Then stretches, twists, headstand and shoulder stand. I finished off in my favorite way with fish pose, then savasana. I took my time with savasana...I've never been able to do that before in home practice.
Throughout the practice when the spirit moved me I chanted along with the music...and when I sat up after savasana, I chanted while I sat and thanked the universe for a truly spectacular home practice...I thanked ME.
I felt so great and empowered by this practice the other night. I can't wait to try again tonight (last night we had to do shopping for Grandbaby's belated birthday celebration on Friday).
My body is still sore in a good way today. And a few pounds have come off this week.
I will keep trying.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
The -versary week (-end)
As DB says, we celebrate a lot of "-versaries" -- Winkaversary (the day I winked at him on Match), E-mailaversary (the day we first exchanged e-mails), Talkaversary (the day we first talked on the phone), Anniversary (the day we first met) and Smoochaversary (self-explanatory). Then, yesterday was my "Emaversary" -- the first day I met my granddaughter, Emily (then 4 1/2). So, that's the week between July 19 and July 26 every year! One day in there (7/22) is our littlest grandson's birthday (he was just one last week) too. Seven "holidays" in one week is my kinda week! ;-)
Our trip last weekend was fantastic:
We left my office around 5:30 and drove to Madonna Inn (google it, it's worth looking at the site...sorry, I forget how to add clean links here). What an adventure! I had wanted to stay there forever and never had. We reserved one of the rooms (they're all themed) with rock walls and rock shower...it was kitschy, but kind of luxurious at the same time.
When we arrived about 9 pm, they had a bottle of champagne and a "Happy Anniversary" balloon in our room -- nice touch! Then we went to "the pink restaurant" (see steakhouse on website) for dinner...I just wanted to sit in that gaudy room, but we ended up having a fantastic meal -- the best steak and blue cheese dressing (not together) that I ever had. DB and I think they must put some kind of yummy additive in there that makes it taste just amazing, but we have no idea what...bacon extract maybe? ;-)
The bathroom in our room had not only a heated toilet seat (which was a lot nicer than it sounds), but also a bidet feature -- that washed and dried! LOL It was silly and fun.
Friday morning we got up early because we were only staying there one night and I was determined to enjoy as much of the place as possible. We headed to the pool and hot tub area...the path up the hill was planted with some of the most fragrant plants I've ever smelled. It was a cloudy and cool morning (like every one in Cali this summer) but the pool (which had no edge...never saw one of those before) was heated enough that we could jump back and forth between it and the hot tub. They also have a waterfall and "lagoon" in the pool area. Yes, this is Disneyland for adults.
After our hot tub/pool adventure, my ex-assistant (one of the good ones who lives up there now) met us for brunch before we took off up the coast. She gave us some great tips about our trip from the local perspective.
On the way up Route 1 to Big Sur, they have an "elephant seal viewing area". Ex-Assistant said we should definitely stop. When we got there, it was so crowded that we almost didn't but I am SO happy we did!! I had never seen these creatures (they are only there at certain times of the year) and to see them in their natural environment? Wild. My first view was two of them sparring in the shallow water of the ocean...they looked like dinosaurs...seriously! They are HUGE. We stayed and watched them for a very long time. It was one of the highlights of the trip for me!
Then we kept going up Route 1...which has got to be one of the most beautiful drives in North America...and, for me, who is really REALLY afraid of windy roads, one of the most unnerving. I have to drive the windy parts or I get really sick at my stomach.
We stopped when we got close to Big Sur at a restaurant called Nepenthe (famous -- you can google it too) and had some wine and cheese to enjoy the view. Finally we arrived at our cabin in the redwoods around 5:30...it was SPECTACULAR. Very very remote...set in amongst a redwood grove on the edge of a canyon with a stream below that you heard all the time. The most fun part of the place was that the bathroom was out on the deck...so you went to the bathroom and showered and took bubble baths in the claw-foot tub under the redwoods! Wow. It was remote so not weird...no one could see you.
When we got there, we were sorry not to have shopped for the whole weekend because we didn't want to leave at all! But we hadn't, so we dressed to head down to the coast (about 4 miles from where we were) to get some dinner. The food at the restaurant was not good, but the view was and the waitress was great and we had a good time. That's the Anniversary night above.
Saturday we got up and headed into Carmel for groceries so we wouldn't have to leave the cabin again until Sunday...and we didn't. We lazed around all day...napping in the hammock, reading on the deck, and even trying the hike down to the stream (big mistake on my knees...still paying the price...trail was way too slippery, steep and narrow). For dinner, we snacked and I cooked some salmon. Then we had a long bubble bath. Niiiiice.
It was so chilly there that we had to have the propane fireplace on most of the time, but that was cozy. The whole place was just beyond our wildest dreams. We can't wait to go back.
The drive back on Sunday was less fun...it took us something like 7 hours even though we went the "faster" way. DB got a horrible allergy attack (something is wrong with the air-conditioner in his car) and felt really sick by the time we got home. But we both agreed that it was yet another fantastic -versary weekend!
I am a lucky woman...he is a special man.
(Today is Sheila's birthday. We are going out with some friends to celebrate at one of her favorite restaurants.)
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Life goes on...
...but the planet seems a little empty without Sheila on it.
I want to write the full story here so I have it to remember. We are headed out of town tonight for our 6th anniversary celebration...going to Big Sur. I am excited for this. Bad news is that my weight is really bad. I am certain it is from NO exercise and I am going to try hard to get back on that wagon when we get home. I know that grief is no excuse, but it's been very hard to focus on being "good" the past 2 weeks.
Here's what happened:
Friday, July 9, at 12:30 I got a call from a friend of Sheila's, Patty. Sheila (who had been fighting AML -- leukemia) for almost two years is probably nearing the end. Of course, I totally lose it. They think she has maybe a couple of days. I talk with Patty and another friend of Sheila's who lives in SoCal. We all agree that it is stupid to try to go back to NY to see her...she is surrounded by lifelong friends who have been taking care of her so well. I, inadvertently, start a snowball of e-mails by sending a quick one to the friends I know just so we have each other's e-mail addresses...everyone starts chiming in with memories of Sheila,
prayers, love...
I cry most of the afternoon on Friday, but I still go out to see Eclipse on Friday night as planned with a friend. Right before the movie, I get an e-mail from another of Sheila's nearest and dearest LA people. I tell him what I know: Sheila tried to drive herself to the hospital on Tuesday, July 6 (stubborn woman!) and collapsed in her parking lot. Her landlady had to call a friend to come take her. They say she is in and out of consciousness. They have stopped treatments and are giving her morphine to keep her comfortable. We cry.
Saturday there are many more emails from the Circle of Sheila Friends (as we are calling ourselves). I drink three Bloody Marys at breakfast to try to be able to sleep the horrible afternoon away, but all I end up doing is lying in bed crying. So many many tears. Late in the day, with no bad news, some of us dare to hope that she will make it through. I bought her a birthday present (her birthday is
7/27). DB and I went out to a fun show for the 16th b-day of the daughter of some friends and we go to bed very late, very drunk and very hopeful.
We wake up Sunday morning to the dreaded e-mail. Sheila passed away that morning. I can't stop crying and saying "nonononononononono". DB is crying too. We ultimately pull ourselves together and head out for coffee and breakfast. We decide to go to Sheila's favorite beach restaurant where we never go because the service sucks so bad. I'm crying off and on the whole time. I can't believe it. Sheila was only 63, always watched what she ate, always exercised, very into yoga, etc.
We get to the restaurant and, for the first time EVER, we get great service. We thank Sheila. :-) Walking home, DB says how much he wishes that he had some sidewalk chalk. Literally THIRTY SECONDS after he said that, we find a box of it, completely full, on the boardwalk. We thank Sheila again. Her spirit is SO powerful. It always was. All I keep thinking is that I can't believe this horrible thing has happened...I feel like nothing is real...but I go back home to bed with Bloody Marys. Same result as Saturday...no sleep, just tears.
We watched Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (movie) on Netflix instant to try to kill some of the horrible day. Then it was time for sunset. I opened a bottle of wine that I had been keeping to have with Sheila when she came "home" to Venice...it was bottled the year I met her at the winery where we met at a yoga retreat. DB and I took our cocktails down to the beach to watch the sunset of Sheila's last day. Our hearts were breaking.
Thank God for the Circle of Sheila Friends. By e-mails, we had a community to go through this with and it was a blessing. Sheila created this Circle for her...and for us.
I know (and I know she believed/believes this too) that her spirit lives on. In fact, I actually wrote her an e-mail on Sunday night (the day she died)...I needed to talk with her. It made me cry, but it made me feel better too.
We had a get-together last Thursday (7/15) night with some of her L.A. friends...a wake of sorts. Last week I edited the obituary that ran in the Woodstock (NY) paper and submitted it to the entertainment trades (she was in the business). On her birthday next week, several of us will go to her favorite Mexican. Finally, her NY friends will be sending us some of her ashes...they will sprinkle some in their ocean and we will in ours.
I miss her so much. I love her so much.
I want to write the full story here so I have it to remember. We are headed out of town tonight for our 6th anniversary celebration...going to Big Sur. I am excited for this. Bad news is that my weight is really bad. I am certain it is from NO exercise and I am going to try hard to get back on that wagon when we get home. I know that grief is no excuse, but it's been very hard to focus on being "good" the past 2 weeks.
Here's what happened:
Friday, July 9, at 12:30 I got a call from a friend of Sheila's, Patty. Sheila (who had been fighting AML -- leukemia) for almost two years is probably nearing the end. Of course, I totally lose it. They think she has maybe a couple of days. I talk with Patty and another friend of Sheila's who lives in SoCal. We all agree that it is stupid to try to go back to NY to see her...she is surrounded by lifelong friends who have been taking care of her so well. I, inadvertently, start a snowball of e-mails by sending a quick one to the friends I know just so we have each other's e-mail addresses...everyone starts chiming in with memories of Sheila,
prayers, love...
I cry most of the afternoon on Friday, but I still go out to see Eclipse on Friday night as planned with a friend. Right before the movie, I get an e-mail from another of Sheila's nearest and dearest LA people. I tell him what I know: Sheila tried to drive herself to the hospital on Tuesday, July 6 (stubborn woman!) and collapsed in her parking lot. Her landlady had to call a friend to come take her. They say she is in and out of consciousness. They have stopped treatments and are giving her morphine to keep her comfortable. We cry.
Saturday there are many more emails from the Circle of Sheila Friends (as we are calling ourselves). I drink three Bloody Marys at breakfast to try to be able to sleep the horrible afternoon away, but all I end up doing is lying in bed crying. So many many tears. Late in the day, with no bad news, some of us dare to hope that she will make it through. I bought her a birthday present (her birthday is
7/27). DB and I went out to a fun show for the 16th b-day of the daughter of some friends and we go to bed very late, very drunk and very hopeful.
We wake up Sunday morning to the dreaded e-mail. Sheila passed away that morning. I can't stop crying and saying "nonononononononono". DB is crying too. We ultimately pull ourselves together and head out for coffee and breakfast. We decide to go to Sheila's favorite beach restaurant where we never go because the service sucks so bad. I'm crying off and on the whole time. I can't believe it. Sheila was only 63, always watched what she ate, always exercised, very into yoga, etc.
We get to the restaurant and, for the first time EVER, we get great service. We thank Sheila. :-) Walking home, DB says how much he wishes that he had some sidewalk chalk. Literally THIRTY SECONDS after he said that, we find a box of it, completely full, on the boardwalk. We thank Sheila again. Her spirit is SO powerful. It always was. All I keep thinking is that I can't believe this horrible thing has happened...I feel like nothing is real...but I go back home to bed with Bloody Marys. Same result as Saturday...no sleep, just tears.
We watched Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (movie) on Netflix instant to try to kill some of the horrible day. Then it was time for sunset. I opened a bottle of wine that I had been keeping to have with Sheila when she came "home" to Venice...it was bottled the year I met her at the winery where we met at a yoga retreat. DB and I took our cocktails down to the beach to watch the sunset of Sheila's last day. Our hearts were breaking.
Thank God for the Circle of Sheila Friends. By e-mails, we had a community to go through this with and it was a blessing. Sheila created this Circle for her...and for us.
I know (and I know she believed/believes this too) that her spirit lives on. In fact, I actually wrote her an e-mail on Sunday night (the day she died)...I needed to talk with her. It made me cry, but it made me feel better too.
We had a get-together last Thursday (7/15) night with some of her L.A. friends...a wake of sorts. Last week I edited the obituary that ran in the Woodstock (NY) paper and submitted it to the entertainment trades (she was in the business). On her birthday next week, several of us will go to her favorite Mexican. Finally, her NY friends will be sending us some of her ashes...they will sprinkle some in their ocean and we will in ours.
I miss her so much. I love her so much.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)