Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it. ~William Arthur Ward
On the eve of my favorite holiday, topping my list of the things for which I am thankful this year:
- Beautiful DB. Husband, lover, friend, partner, playmate, The One. Every year is better. I am aware of it and I try to make sure he feels it always.
- My mommy. So happy that she is healthy and will be joining us tonight through Friday for our celebration.
- NYC family. I missed seeing them this year, but am so looking forward to a long visit next summer for our next wedding. My sister will be my matron of honor -- 25 years after I was hers. :-)
- PD1 and PD2. Such amazing women who I am allowed to pretend are my daughters. They are in my heart.
- 6 grandkids. Each and every one a joy to me in so many ways. The smiles (and hugs) they give tickle my heart.
- Dear darling friends. I am blessed with a plethora and some will be with us tomorrow to celebrate, yay!
- My job. After 18 years, it is still challenging and I work for and with the most amazing people.
- My house. With the economy as it is, I count myself extremely blessed to still have our house. Although home is wherever I'm with DB, it's nice to have the house we have now.
- My yoga. I write enough about that here so no more details necessary.
- My lower weight. Today I weigh 12 pounds less than I did on Thanksgiving morning last year and 2 pounds less than the year before (when I last was in a good range). I am grateful to me for making this a priority this year.
There is so much more...I am lucky and my heart is full.
May anyone reading this feel the same joy I do...Happy Thanksgiving!
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Hovering in a lower range
By last Saturday, the scale actually showed a pound and a half below my previous low so I had broken new territory for a few days in a row. This, of course, feels great. I, however, have trouble resisting weekend treats all the time. Most weekends are pretty good, but...
We went to a birthday party last Saturday night for one of our best friends which morphed into an engagement party for a couple we know well who had just gotten engaged that morning. The party started at 8:30 so we went out to dinner at my new favorite place where I can get a good dinner of protein (amazing deviled eggs) and delicious veggies (a kale salad and brussels sprouts which make my mouth water). DB and I felt good after dinner -- we remarked that we were full, but not too full. Then we went to the party.
I figured there wouldn't be a lot of food since it was so late (which is why we ate before). I was soooo wrong. There was a ton of food. And the food at this friend's house is always always bad (again, a reason I had eaten before...just in case). I ate too much. I had salty chips and cheese and a few crackers. I managed to stop myself before diving into the cake, but it was too late. Sunday morning, my scale showed a gain of 5 pounds since Saturday morning. :-(
Now, you and I both know that this happens with me fairly frequently. I can put on a huge amount of lbs in just day. They come off quickly, but not as quickly as they go on. DB and I made a bet about just how long it would take for them to be gone. We both lost (he said Monday, I said Wednesday). This morning I am still a pound over what I was last Saturday morning.
It's amazing how fast my sabotage causes damage and how slow I am to recover. I'm not mad about this...just trying to become aware so maybe, more often, I will stop before my hand lands on that salty chip.
The good news is that:
- people continue to remark at how "skinny" I am getting.
- a friend gave me a pair of jeans the other night that are gorgeous and I said "well, these will fit me soon". I went home and they fit (I could wear them, but they are tight). They will be awesome in 5 more pounds. They are the size I was when I was at my best (10), not skinniest (6 or 8 -- which, for me, is too thin).
- when I have these UP days, the high weight is a LOT less than my low weight used to be so I'm hovering in a lower range.
:-)
We went to a birthday party last Saturday night for one of our best friends which morphed into an engagement party for a couple we know well who had just gotten engaged that morning. The party started at 8:30 so we went out to dinner at my new favorite place where I can get a good dinner of protein (amazing deviled eggs) and delicious veggies (a kale salad and brussels sprouts which make my mouth water). DB and I felt good after dinner -- we remarked that we were full, but not too full. Then we went to the party.
I figured there wouldn't be a lot of food since it was so late (which is why we ate before). I was soooo wrong. There was a ton of food. And the food at this friend's house is always always bad (again, a reason I had eaten before...just in case). I ate too much. I had salty chips and cheese and a few crackers. I managed to stop myself before diving into the cake, but it was too late. Sunday morning, my scale showed a gain of 5 pounds since Saturday morning. :-(
Now, you and I both know that this happens with me fairly frequently. I can put on a huge amount of lbs in just day. They come off quickly, but not as quickly as they go on. DB and I made a bet about just how long it would take for them to be gone. We both lost (he said Monday, I said Wednesday). This morning I am still a pound over what I was last Saturday morning.
It's amazing how fast my sabotage causes damage and how slow I am to recover. I'm not mad about this...just trying to become aware so maybe, more often, I will stop before my hand lands on that salty chip.
The good news is that:
- people continue to remark at how "skinny" I am getting.
- a friend gave me a pair of jeans the other night that are gorgeous and I said "well, these will fit me soon". I went home and they fit (I could wear them, but they are tight). They will be awesome in 5 more pounds. They are the size I was when I was at my best (10), not skinniest (6 or 8 -- which, for me, is too thin).
- when I have these UP days, the high weight is a LOT less than my low weight used to be so I'm hovering in a lower range.
:-)
Thursday, November 10, 2011
New low (by a teeny bit)
After a surge of weight on the scale during Halloween weekend (too many carbs), today the scale officially is lower than it has been since I started this part of my journey back in 2006. I am 0.8 pounds lower than my lowest back at Halloween 2009. Yay! I have been wondering what's going on that's making this finally (apparently) happen...more on that later.
I am so happy that I weigh myself every day and write it down no matter what. Because of that, I know that I maintained my previous low for a grand total of one day and never saw that weight on the scale again until yesterday. Nevertheless, I did manage to keep within 10 pounds of that weight for about a year. Then the scale started to creep up. As you may remember, I tried from about last December through May to lose the (almost 20) pounds I had gained to no avail. In May, I made some tiny dietary changes, started some new supplements and medication and the weight started to come off. Since August, I have mostly been maintaining within a few pounds (up) of what I weighed before the wedding. My weight this morning is merely 2 pounds below my pre-wedding weight. But, psychologically, since this is a new low, it's big to me.
Why is this happening? I was just talking with DB this morning about why I think the scale has started to inch downward again for me and he said (in a complimentary way): "you are always working to figure this stuff out". Yes, I am. And I try to be mindful of even the smallest changes in my exercise, diet, medication. I have to be. I don't have the luxury of just eating whatever I "want" like some people do (and, yes, there are those people -- DB is one to some extent). I am not SURE yet what is happening...one low day is not enough to make me go crazy...but I think there is something happening. My current guess? From May, when I started my early morning yoga and morning (rather than evening) showering, I have been careless about doing my estradiol cream in the evenings. I noticed during the past month or so that I have been waking up hot in the night and I figured that was because of skipping my evening dose. So, during the last week, I have concentrated on taking it again. I am sleeping much better and, perhaps, this regained balance in my system is allowing my body to shed some more lbs. We'll see.
This week is also (as my assistant put it this morning) "Helen's New Dress Week". In the past month, I realized that, while all of my clothes now fit or are too big, I am totally sick of my work clothes. I don't think I have bought substantially anything new for work in maybe 8 years. So I have been shopping a few times the past few weeks -- determined to buy things that don't just fit, but look good on me too. It has been hard -- I am used to buying something if it fits and I like the color or style regardless of how it looks on ME. I have now gotten three new dresses that fit those criteria and have started wearing my older smaller work clothes again (so they feel like new) and I feel pretty this week. Feeling pretty feels good. My mood is fantastic. :-)
One more fun thing: I have become totally addicted to curry and think this will be a huge winter go-to dinner staple. Some friends brought us back a special curry powder from a recent trip to Indiana (go figure!) and it's AMAZING. I heat up some ghee in a skillet, add a bunch of curry powder, then saute veg for a bit (I use cauliflower, green beans, onions, red pepper and mushrooms), then add a little lite coconut milk and cook until the veg are cooked through. Then I add some frozen chicken breast cutlets on top. They cook in about 10 minutes and, voila, yummy one-pot dinner. Plus this powder has a slightly sweet kind of cinnamon taste that feels (and smells up the house) like fall/winter to me. YUM. We use leftovers in our egg product scrambles the next morning(s).
Finally, yoga continues to make my body feel more itself. I feel the effects just walking around. Posture is better. Muscles are stronger. Attitude is happier.
So, despite some continuing challenges with our family (yes, I know I haven't written about it...someday), I feel good. :-)
I am so happy that I weigh myself every day and write it down no matter what. Because of that, I know that I maintained my previous low for a grand total of one day and never saw that weight on the scale again until yesterday. Nevertheless, I did manage to keep within 10 pounds of that weight for about a year. Then the scale started to creep up. As you may remember, I tried from about last December through May to lose the (almost 20) pounds I had gained to no avail. In May, I made some tiny dietary changes, started some new supplements and medication and the weight started to come off. Since August, I have mostly been maintaining within a few pounds (up) of what I weighed before the wedding. My weight this morning is merely 2 pounds below my pre-wedding weight. But, psychologically, since this is a new low, it's big to me.
Why is this happening? I was just talking with DB this morning about why I think the scale has started to inch downward again for me and he said (in a complimentary way): "you are always working to figure this stuff out". Yes, I am. And I try to be mindful of even the smallest changes in my exercise, diet, medication. I have to be. I don't have the luxury of just eating whatever I "want" like some people do (and, yes, there are those people -- DB is one to some extent). I am not SURE yet what is happening...one low day is not enough to make me go crazy...but I think there is something happening. My current guess? From May, when I started my early morning yoga and morning (rather than evening) showering, I have been careless about doing my estradiol cream in the evenings. I noticed during the past month or so that I have been waking up hot in the night and I figured that was because of skipping my evening dose. So, during the last week, I have concentrated on taking it again. I am sleeping much better and, perhaps, this regained balance in my system is allowing my body to shed some more lbs. We'll see.
This week is also (as my assistant put it this morning) "Helen's New Dress Week". In the past month, I realized that, while all of my clothes now fit or are too big, I am totally sick of my work clothes. I don't think I have bought substantially anything new for work in maybe 8 years. So I have been shopping a few times the past few weeks -- determined to buy things that don't just fit, but look good on me too. It has been hard -- I am used to buying something if it fits and I like the color or style regardless of how it looks on ME. I have now gotten three new dresses that fit those criteria and have started wearing my older smaller work clothes again (so they feel like new) and I feel pretty this week. Feeling pretty feels good. My mood is fantastic. :-)
One more fun thing: I have become totally addicted to curry and think this will be a huge winter go-to dinner staple. Some friends brought us back a special curry powder from a recent trip to Indiana (go figure!) and it's AMAZING. I heat up some ghee in a skillet, add a bunch of curry powder, then saute veg for a bit (I use cauliflower, green beans, onions, red pepper and mushrooms), then add a little lite coconut milk and cook until the veg are cooked through. Then I add some frozen chicken breast cutlets on top. They cook in about 10 minutes and, voila, yummy one-pot dinner. Plus this powder has a slightly sweet kind of cinnamon taste that feels (and smells up the house) like fall/winter to me. YUM. We use leftovers in our egg product scrambles the next morning(s).
Finally, yoga continues to make my body feel more itself. I feel the effects just walking around. Posture is better. Muscles are stronger. Attitude is happier.
So, despite some continuing challenges with our family (yes, I know I haven't written about it...someday), I feel good. :-)
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Big NSV
Today I am wearing a pair of absolutely gorgeous Donna Karan leather pants that I think I have not been able to wear in at least 8 years (since before I quit smoking -- and even before I met DB!). They are a teeny bit tight, but they are comfy enough to wear all day and tonight (going to see Roger Daltrey do Tommy tonight). Whooo hooo. So glad I didn't toss these...I kept all my old rock n roll leather since it's lovely and expensive.
Funnily, the scale is still not going down. But everyone still thinks I am losing. Maybe again soon... ;-)
Funnily, the scale is still not going down. But everyone still thinks I am losing. Maybe again soon... ;-)
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Shorty about maintaining
For the past month (since before The Wedding), I have been maintaining, not losing. Maintaining on me looks like a few pounds up, a few pounds down every week. I tend to go up on the weekend and down during the week when my diet and exercise are more rigid. I don't love this, but I am happy that, at least, I am still at my lower weight range and in most of my skinniest clothes (on good days). I still want to get to a range 5-10 pounds below where I am, but we'll see when that happens.
The funny thing is that people (many of whom see me every day) continue to remark on how much weight I am "losing". Since my scale doesn't lie, I think it must be that yoga is redistributing how I carry the weight. When I am full-on into my yoga practice like I am now, my posture is better, my tummy is flatter, etc. Even I see the changes...but weight not going down. And this is, while not ideal, fine.
Most of life is maintenance, so I think it's a darn good thing to have a handle on. :-)
The funny thing is that people (many of whom see me every day) continue to remark on how much weight I am "losing". Since my scale doesn't lie, I think it must be that yoga is redistributing how I carry the weight. When I am full-on into my yoga practice like I am now, my posture is better, my tummy is flatter, etc. Even I see the changes...but weight not going down. And this is, while not ideal, fine.
Most of life is maintenance, so I think it's a darn good thing to have a handle on. :-)
Friday, September 23, 2011
Handfuls of salty, carby treats and eating at home
I don't know what came over me last weekend. I usually have a LOT of discipline when it comes to what I can and cannot eat...if I have something "bad", it's usually only a little and I get right back on the wagon. But last weekend, I completely lost it with Salty, Carby Treats. And I paid the price.
Saturday night we were at a party and there were bowls of chips and other SCTs. For some reason (probably drinking too much), I ate HANDFULS of them. Not only did I not stop, it didn't really occur to me to stop. Yikes. The next morning, in addition to a hangover (which I almost never get), I had gained almost two pounds. I actually thought that I got off easy with that. And I did.
Then, on Sunday, I ate way more carbs than usual (pita with salad for brunch and low-carb low-fat frozen yogurt treat in the afternoon). Again, I don't know what came over me! But, even though I noticed that I was eating that stuff, I still ended up eating MORE: sushi (with rice) for dinner (although I skipped the soy sauce as I now do). And, the piece de resistance, when I knew I had really LOST it? At 10:30 pm when DB went across the street and bought a bag of tortilla chips...and we ate THE WHOLE THING. This was wrong on so many levels and I paid the price the next morning -- FOUR more pounds.
It has taken me all of this week to get those 4 off...so, yes, they were "water" weight, but that is still REAL pounds. I feel it....in my clothes and out of them.
It took me about 3 days to make the scale move down at all -- I was eating perfectly back on plan and exercising as usual, but we went out for dinner on Tuesday for a friend's birthday. As I usually do, I checked the menu before we went so I knew what I could order and stay "good"...this way, I don't look at the menu when I'm actually at the restaurant and hungry...it's one of my mechanisms for coping with my limitations. It was a Mexican place and I managed to not eat ANY chips (I think I've had my quota for a while!) or margaritas: had ceviche and salad with grilled chicken and a pinot grigio. It was tasty and I was satisfied. But, the scale still did not move the next day. And I am CERTAIN that it's because of SALT since the food itself was perfectly fine.
The scale started to move when ALL my meals were food I prepared. I am glad for my new awareness about the dangers of eating out...even when I choose food with good ingredients, it doesn't matter if they salt the heck out of it.
Eating out is part of our lifestyle...I just need to minimize it if I want to see the scale continue to move down. Oh yeah, and NO MORE HANDFULS OF SCTS!!!!!!! ;-)
Saturday night we were at a party and there were bowls of chips and other SCTs. For some reason (probably drinking too much), I ate HANDFULS of them. Not only did I not stop, it didn't really occur to me to stop. Yikes. The next morning, in addition to a hangover (which I almost never get), I had gained almost two pounds. I actually thought that I got off easy with that. And I did.
Then, on Sunday, I ate way more carbs than usual (pita with salad for brunch and low-carb low-fat frozen yogurt treat in the afternoon). Again, I don't know what came over me! But, even though I noticed that I was eating that stuff, I still ended up eating MORE: sushi (with rice) for dinner (although I skipped the soy sauce as I now do). And, the piece de resistance, when I knew I had really LOST it? At 10:30 pm when DB went across the street and bought a bag of tortilla chips...and we ate THE WHOLE THING. This was wrong on so many levels and I paid the price the next morning -- FOUR more pounds.
It has taken me all of this week to get those 4 off...so, yes, they were "water" weight, but that is still REAL pounds. I feel it....in my clothes and out of them.
It took me about 3 days to make the scale move down at all -- I was eating perfectly back on plan and exercising as usual, but we went out for dinner on Tuesday for a friend's birthday. As I usually do, I checked the menu before we went so I knew what I could order and stay "good"...this way, I don't look at the menu when I'm actually at the restaurant and hungry...it's one of my mechanisms for coping with my limitations. It was a Mexican place and I managed to not eat ANY chips (I think I've had my quota for a while!) or margaritas: had ceviche and salad with grilled chicken and a pinot grigio. It was tasty and I was satisfied. But, the scale still did not move the next day. And I am CERTAIN that it's because of SALT since the food itself was perfectly fine.
The scale started to move when ALL my meals were food I prepared. I am glad for my new awareness about the dangers of eating out...even when I choose food with good ingredients, it doesn't matter if they salt the heck out of it.
Eating out is part of our lifestyle...I just need to minimize it if I want to see the scale continue to move down. Oh yeah, and NO MORE HANDFULS OF SCTS!!!!!!! ;-)
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Yogahhhhhhhh
How do I love my yoga practice? Let me count the ways!
I marvel that I get up two days a week at 6:15 (this morning in the DARK) to go to yoga class. I have never done this...SO not a morning exercise person! But I love my current teacher so much that it is worth it -- when the alarm goes off, I hate it, but after I start my practice, I am so happy. In fact, I was thinking this morning that even if he taught at night (my preferred exercise time), I might keep up these early mornings instead...they have freed up my nights and I love that.
After practicing for years and years, I have done pretty much every kind of yoga there is. I have my favorites and my least favorites, but I've always thought for a person like me with my injury/body issues that Iyengar would be really nice to get to have on a consistent basis. Despite searching over the years, I never found a place to get that...until now. Yes, my teacher is Iyengar-based hatha yoga -- we work hard on specifics of placement and holding poses -- we do NOT do lots of "vinyasa" or "flow" (which is so popular in L.A. that you can almost find nothing else). It's not very woo-woo, but I have gotten enough of that in the past that I can breathe and meditate on my own during class without someone telling me what to do. What I cannot do is see myself (unless I look in the mirrors, which I try not to do)...and a good teacher is key to this. (This morning, in headstand, my feet were apparently doing something weird -- no way could I have seen it and I couldn't feel it even when Teacher moved my feet to the correct position -- I needed him to show me with his hands so I could SEE.)
What prompted my ahhhhh here? Last Saturday I went to my regular 1:15 class and (gasp!) my regular awesome teacher was not there and (gasp again!) the sub was the horrible teacher I tried once before and swore never again. I had met a friend and she said "do you want to just go and get a cup of coffee?". I declined because I really needed yoga -- whatever that was that day. And it was NOT what I like, what I needed or what I want. But I stuck it out. I sweated a lot. And it was yogaerobics, not yoga. I CAN do all the poses in the universe in an hour and 15 minutes without holding one for more than a few seconds, but I don't WANT to.
After that debacle, I decided I had to get on Teacher's mailing list so I wouldn't have such a disappointing experience again. I tracked him down through a new Facebook friend who is in my class. And, voila!, I am now saved. ;-)
I love yoga (when it's good...and sometimes even when it's bad) so much. I have time to empty my mind and focus on just being in my body. And, in addition to being quite a bit thinner than it was in May, my body is stronger and healthier. My knees and back are giving me almost no trouble (although I have to modify some poses). My disposition is, I think, much happier. And this feels like HOME.
[Side note: I gained about 4.5 pounds at Burning Man due to eating total crap for a week and it could have been A LOT worse. All but about 1.5 are already gone. I am reminded how important it is to get back on that wagon quickly after a vacation.]
I marvel that I get up two days a week at 6:15 (this morning in the DARK) to go to yoga class. I have never done this...SO not a morning exercise person! But I love my current teacher so much that it is worth it -- when the alarm goes off, I hate it, but after I start my practice, I am so happy. In fact, I was thinking this morning that even if he taught at night (my preferred exercise time), I might keep up these early mornings instead...they have freed up my nights and I love that.
After practicing for years and years, I have done pretty much every kind of yoga there is. I have my favorites and my least favorites, but I've always thought for a person like me with my injury/body issues that Iyengar would be really nice to get to have on a consistent basis. Despite searching over the years, I never found a place to get that...until now. Yes, my teacher is Iyengar-based hatha yoga -- we work hard on specifics of placement and holding poses -- we do NOT do lots of "vinyasa" or "flow" (which is so popular in L.A. that you can almost find nothing else). It's not very woo-woo, but I have gotten enough of that in the past that I can breathe and meditate on my own during class without someone telling me what to do. What I cannot do is see myself (unless I look in the mirrors, which I try not to do)...and a good teacher is key to this. (This morning, in headstand, my feet were apparently doing something weird -- no way could I have seen it and I couldn't feel it even when Teacher moved my feet to the correct position -- I needed him to show me with his hands so I could SEE.)
What prompted my ahhhhh here? Last Saturday I went to my regular 1:15 class and (gasp!) my regular awesome teacher was not there and (gasp again!) the sub was the horrible teacher I tried once before and swore never again. I had met a friend and she said "do you want to just go and get a cup of coffee?". I declined because I really needed yoga -- whatever that was that day. And it was NOT what I like, what I needed or what I want. But I stuck it out. I sweated a lot. And it was yogaerobics, not yoga. I CAN do all the poses in the universe in an hour and 15 minutes without holding one for more than a few seconds, but I don't WANT to.
After that debacle, I decided I had to get on Teacher's mailing list so I wouldn't have such a disappointing experience again. I tracked him down through a new Facebook friend who is in my class. And, voila!, I am now saved. ;-)
I love yoga (when it's good...and sometimes even when it's bad) so much. I have time to empty my mind and focus on just being in my body. And, in addition to being quite a bit thinner than it was in May, my body is stronger and healthier. My knees and back are giving me almost no trouble (although I have to modify some poses). My disposition is, I think, much happier. And this feels like HOME.
[Side note: I gained about 4.5 pounds at Burning Man due to eating total crap for a week and it could have been A LOT worse. All but about 1.5 are already gone. I am reminded how important it is to get back on that wagon quickly after a vacation.]
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)