Weigh-in Day

I'm down .6 pounds today and I'll take it! I was a little bad this week: one martini on Monday night, two lunch salads that were probably less fatty than I thought, one sushi dinner w/ edamame and some (low fat) chips that DB left at my house (naughty DB!). I also have really been working on getting my muscles back so hopefully the small-ish loss this week is because I'm converting some fat to muscle! One thing for sure: my clothes are fitting and looking better. I had on some jeans last weekend that I haven't worn in probably over a year. :-) I hope I can just maintain while we're away next week...I know I'll be eating and drinking more, but hopefully will be exercising enough too.

Also, for those of you who have been following the saga this week, Angry One apologized to DB last evening at the hospital. A step in the right direction -- although he probably needs some therapy or anger management -- if he would just realize it. The sibs are working out a schedule to stay with the parents so life will be a little easier knowing when they have to be there rather than just having to drop everything when some kind of meltdown happens. Hopefully...

DB is on his way home soon from Parents' Hometown and I am very excited to get this party started!!

Thanks to all of you for your good wishes for vacation -- I'll try to check in, but if I can't, know that I'm thinking of all of you and looking forward to catching up when I'm back home.

Getting ready for VACATION!

We're leaving early Saturday morning to go to Lake Tahoe for a week -- skiing, gambling and relaxing. Mmmmmm. I'm so excited!! A couple of couples are joining us for the week -- we've rented a big house with three bedrooms and a nice hot tub out back. It looks great on-line...hope it is in "real life".

So far so good with DB's dad. He had his gall bladder out yesterday and DB has been doing the overnight shifts at the hospital keeping an eye on everything. He really needs the vacation too! Hopefully tomorrow his dad will be a little more coherent...since yesterday he's been pretty delirious. :-(

I did very well with my food today -- sooo busy at work pre-vacation that I had no time to be hungry. Of course, with vacation next week, all bets are off, but hopefully I will be able to be "good"ish and will be exercising by skiing and whatever else we do. Weigh-in tomorrow...I'll hopefully have a minute to post then.

We are supposed to have wifi at the house in Tahoe so I may be able to blog from there, but maybe not. Be good. :-)

I honestly don't know where to begin...

...so I think I'll start with the happy part of today: it's my niece's big 10th birthday today! My niece (I'll call her Muffin) is an amazing person and I remember 10 years ago today so vividly. When I got the call saying Muffin was born, it was one of the happiest moments of my life. And since then it has just gotten better and better...she's a smart, beautiful, talented, loving, all-around fantastic gift in my life. My biggest treat and joy today was getting to talk with her (she lives in NYC so I didn't get to see her). :-)

Whew...the hard stuff...DB's having some challenging family stuff this week. His parents are declining and DB and his 5 siblings are trying to allow them to stay in their own home. Unfortunately, this means that one of them needs to be there all the time. None of the sibs lives in the same town, but DB lives the closest (1 1/2 hours away). One of DB's brothers (who lives many many hours away in a faraway state -- I'll call him Angry One) has spent much of the past year and a half with the parents -- leaving behind his wife and life in Faraway State. This has been HIS CHOICE -- he likes to feel like he's in control, the king, the martyr. Since no one REALLY wants to take on this responsibility, all the sibs have let this go on...and all of them have come to help when needed for short and long terms. DB has done that the most often (although for some reason none of the sibs realizes this).

Well, last week, Angry One (who, by the way, has been totally mean and awful to DB for years) calls DB and says he has to leave for a while. DB is understandably angry -- he has been trying to get Angry One and all the rest of the sibs to agree to a long-term solution for the parents for a long time. All of them (DB included) have been procrastinating...with Angry One there, no one else had to uproot their life to go handle the situation. Now, as several times before, DB is supposed to drop everything to go relieve Angry One. So, DB waits a day to call Angry One back. Angry One does not return that call for a day. Finally, DB calls again and Angry One gets, well, angry and they argue. DB then tries to rally the sibs by telling them that Angry One really needs a break. DB tells Angry One that DB himself will come up at the end of last week and stay for a week until we go on vacation. Angry One never calls DB back.

On Monday this week, DB heads up to the parents house to resolve the situation with Angry One. Angry One ends up yelling terrible mean and irrelevant things at DB. DB finally leaves, but resolves to get a solution with all his sibs. One of DB's sisters (I'll call her Diplomacy) also e-mails everyone to say that they need to make a solution. The sibs seem to be getting in line and trying to figure out a long-term schedule (even though DB and Angry One are very very angry with each other), but then today happens...

DB gets a call this morning that his dad is in the hospital. Angry One is there, bu another sib is needed to help with their mom. Diplomacy is on her way (5 hour drive) and DB jumps in the car immediately too...but not after receiving an upsetting e-mail from another sister (Horseface) saying that, while she just said yesterday that she can only come sporadically to help with the parents due to horse shows which they need to do for their retirement (she and her hubby are RICH), DB should not complain about Angry One, but should just go help. Uh, why don't YOU go help, Horseface?! Grrrrr.

I am angry at all this. DB seems to be getting this attitude from the sibs that he should be the one doing a lot of the caretaking because he lives closest and is self-employed so can just take off when he wants to...yeah, right. (P.S. DB's parents have been less than loving to him for many years...despite this, he has continued to try to be a "good son".) These are 6 people who are all between late 40s and 60 who have long-standing sibling rivalry issues (that I am just seeing) and they cannot for the life of them make joint decisions (although DB, bless him, really really is trying, he is the only one). But they have to. And they want to be ostriches. I can see them all start pointing fingers at each other. And why don't they just hire live-in help? I think there's some kind of obligation they feel that keeps them from doing that.

I am so grateful that my sister and I worked out our sib shit years ago. And that my mom (and dad when he was alive) really talked with us about what to do when they aged.

Grrrr..and that's just the Readers' Digest Condensed Version! Anyway, I feel so bad for DB. I also (selfishly) feel scared that something is going to make us miss our vacation (which I NEED a LOT right now). I really feel like eating and drinking to "comfort" myself. I have been very good at not drinking through all this the past two nights, but I have been a little sloppy with eating although good with exercise. I feel poochy and am glad I don't weigh in until Friday...

In the meantime, I've got work stress trying to get ready for vacation and stress getting stuff at home ready too. Maybe I'll just sleep for a week rather than ski! Speaking of which...I want to head to bed soon...I know this is all just life stuff, but it's been a hard week.

Interesting exercise

I have been thinking how I must have lost gobs in the up-and-down scalestravaganza since October. So, since I have been keeping track, I went back and added up how much I have "lost" since October -- almost 30 pounds!!!!!!!! YIKES. My net loss is just 7.8. What a waste.

My new goal is to make every pound that comes off STAY off. So there. ;-)

Catching up...

....days and days since I last posted. Things have been busy, but I've been pretty darn good with the food and the WOW program (although I admit to one martini last night after a particular stress-filled day due to work and sweet DB's stress with his siblings over care for their parents...grrr).

Friday night we went to see The Departed. Big mistake. I thought I'd love it because I love Scorsese and Nicholson. WRONG. It was unoriginal, uninspiring, and uninvolving in every way. Comic-book violence at the end. I didn't care about ANY of the characters so when things happened, ho hum. DB thought the filming was kind of interesting in the beginning -- I didn't. When it was over, everyone in the theatre just got up and walked out. No chatter, no reaction, no waiting for credits. From what I read (a little) on IMDB, people who enjoyed it tended to have seen the original Hong Kong version and it sounds like that version had a little more heart/conflict/originality. None of which The Departed had. I absolutely hated it. But I guess that's clear!! ;-)

Still on the movie tip -- let Oscar season abound!! I was THRILLED to see that Little Miss Sunshine did so well -- I absolutely loved that movie. The one scene between the little girl (nominated) and her grandfather (also nominated) was classic. I've asked for the DVD for my (very soon upcoming) birthday. :-) Of course, I was very disappointed that The Departed is nominated -- ick. Although Markie Mark (!) did give a pretty good performance (as did Leo), it wasn't worth over two hours of my (or anyone else's) time. Scorsese might win for this and that will be a travesty...I can name plenty more of his films (like all of them!) who deserve it more (and I love him). I can't wait to see Babel...maybe while we're on vacation next week. I was a little sorry to see that Sascha didn't get nominated for Best Actor for Borat because it was a truly unique character creation -- but maybe he'll still get to present and that will be fun. An Inconvenient Truth is awesome...big ups for that as Best Documentary! It actually changed the way I live my life...in small ways, but still...

I did manage to get to the gym this weekend despite social life (hanging with some Burning Man friends who were in town and with my best friend and her mom) and preps for vacation (including yet another trip to the vet with Doglet).

This week will be hectic pre-vacation at work and in the evenings, so may be a little scarce here. Or not! I guess it all depends on what shakes out! I'm very excited for our week in Tahoe next week -- skiing, gambling, RESTING. :-) We have rented a house so since we'll have a full-on kitchen I should have some pretty good control over food. At least as good as is realistic for VACATION and BIRTHDAYS! ;-)

New weigh-in day -- Down 1.4! :-)

In order to be consistent with a weight-watching board that I frequent (and also because I was up 1/2 pound from last Thursday yesterday), I am starting to weigh on Fridays. And today I'm DOWN 1.4 pounds from last Thursday. Emotionally I feel a lot better. Think that has anything to do with it?! ;-)

The WOW (wine on weekends) program (along with regular gym-going) seems to be working well -- even though it was a struggle last night, I hope that with a little work the habit will get easier and easier. I think Vickie's comment on my last post about working off the alcohol calories is interesting...

Wishing everyone a great healthy weekend!

Dr. Jekyll and Ms. PMS

Grrrr...sob! That's been my day today. And it sucks. I think it's PMS and I never had it like this before I was taking hormones. Grrrrr.

Everything, and I mean everything, today either made me sad, depressed, weepy or mad. Food was only so-so -- I had a salad at lunch that had "bad" dressing on it, TCBY fat-free frozen yogurt after dinner and also some more nori maki when I got home. The only really good thing I can say is that I managed somehow to stick to my no drinking rule.

Took my kitty in for a shave and bath and ended up having lots of test to check up on him. He's old, diabetic, sometimes incontinent, but he still likes to eat (definitely MY cat!) and lounge. He doesn't clean himself anymore (and he's white) so that's why the shave and bath. He looks ultra-cute when he's shaved so that's ok. But it was very expensive. And this after the vet visits for Doglet this week have really put a huge hole in my checking account. I'll have to dig into my (kind of meager) savings for vacation expenses at the end of the month. This is very depressing. But I have to take care of my pets -- I committed to them a long time ago and it's not fair to let them suffer just because they are older.

I also was hating my job today -- this hardly ever happens. I'm serious -- everything today just looks dark. This is so not like me that I know it's gotta be the hormones. BUT, I'm not getting hot flashes like I was and am getting my period as I should be. It's complicated.

And DB and I are both dealing with older parents and that is, well, not terribly fun.

So I was either growling or crying today. At least I wasn't soooo hungry like yesterday. Looking for happy things...and looking forward to happier day tomorrow.

Oh yeah, weighed in this morning and I was up 1/2 pound. It's gotta be PMS because I have been pretty darn good with food and going to the gym, etc. I think I'll weigh tomorrow too and hope to have at least a little off...

Discombobulated...that's what this post is...and that's how I feel today. Hopefully tomorrow will be less blue.

Good grief -- two posts in one day!

And all I really need to say is:


I AM HUNGRY!!!

There. I feel better.


P.S. Not sure what this is all about. I've eaten exactly what I normally eat during the week today. I think/hope it's because my period is due this weekend. Oy, but it's hard to resist snacking when I feel so empty!!

I shall overcome

Last night I had a challenge, a situation where my "normal" reaction would be to eat, drink or both. When I got home from the gym, my doglet was still obviously in pain. He was shaking and crying, wouldn't jump up on the sofa with me and yelped when I picked him up. This didn't seem like something that would be due to the tooth pain to me. He also seemed to be favoring one side when walking.

I debated and debated whether to take him to the overnight vet (where my experience last time with another pet was less than good) or to wait until morning. With the help of DB's reminding me that I wouldn't sleep from worry if I waited, I took him in. When I got there I noticed that the place looked nicer than the last time I was there. Turns out the yucky doctor who used to own it is gone. Yay. I had to wait for almost an hour, but they let us have a room...I was mostly worried that Doglet was in pain, I figured if something went really wrong I could get help quickly.

Well, the doc came in and did a very thorough exam. Doglet is almost 10 and Vet said that he is in excellent condition for his age, but has a little arthritis in his left rear knee (much like me!). Vet also said that both tooth and orthopedic pain are "non-specific" in dogs, so if a tooth was hurting and he had a fever (which he did despite 2 1/2 days on antibiotic already), he might still yelp when picking him up. Vet gave me some anti-inflammatories to help the pain and told me to continue with the antibiotic. If Doglet is not 75% better in 2 days I'm to call back.

This is all, of course, great news. However, being more mindful these days, I realized that normally in this situation, I would have gone home, had a drink (or two) and a snack (or two) to "get over" the stress of the evening and to "celebrate" that Doglet is probably ok. Instead, I went home, called DB, took a shower, had zero drinks, had a 100 calorie popcorn bag and called it a night. :-)

I shall overcome my "bad" "destructive" urges...yes, I WILL. Reawakening awareness is the first step.

TGITuesday!

Whew...what a jam-packed weekend and today I'm fighting a cold and wish I could have stayed in bed, but I guess there will be time for that when we are on vacation in a couple of weeks. ;-)

We had dinner on Friday night with a friend -- oh yes, I got to have some drinks along with the delicious low-fat Indian food -- overdid a little since I'd been "dry" all week -- no big surprise, but interesting how much less interested I am feeling in drinking.

Saturday I did some shopping and went to the gym, then we went to dinner before going to an art opening. Two glasses of wine with (steamed fish and bok choy) dinner and a few glasses of wine at the opening. No one was very friendly, but DB and I had fun. We left about 10. Went home and had some snacks -- 100 cal. popcorn bag for me, bowl of candy for him! Why don't men gain like we do? I would have gained 10 pounds from that little snack!

Sunday was very busy...I had to take my little doglet to the vet (he was obviously in pain/sick)...they found an abscess on a tooth that was infected/pussy. I was surprised and worried because he just had a dental within the past two months. They gave him an antibiotic shot and gave me pills for him to take for two weeks. I really don't like this particular vet, but had no choice since it was Sunday. He seems a little bit peppier today, but still isn't really eating much. They did blood and urine tests which were all fine according to the place I took him, but I need to take them to my vet and be sure because a couple of them look high to me.

After that, we went to look at townhouses. Found some very beautiful ones, but none that really would work for us (even if we made a grass patch on the balconies for my dog -- none of them had private yards with access from just one unit). Also, we'd need to find one where DB could really soundproof a room and only one of them had a room with no shared walls -- and the room was way too small for a studio. But the townhomes were just beautiful for the money and we'll keep looking.

Then we headed about 35 miles north (not far in L.A. terms!) for DB's daughter's baby shower. No men, no kids (including the new baby's sisters!) allowed and only "family" so no friends got to come and DB's daughter wasn't too happy with that (but her partner's mom and sister gave the shower so...). We couldn't wait to escape! We went and got the men afterwards and all went out to dinner at Chilis (I ate off the grilled menu -- did very well on calories and fat -- two glasses of wine).

Yesterday we got up early to head to San Diego to get some solar panels DB was buying from a guy there. We met a Burning Man friend (who had hooked DB up with the panels) and his wife for lunch (salad rolls, grilled chicken and salad) and had a ball. Then got the panels, headed home, then over to some more friends' to have dinner and watch the Golden Globes...I haven't seen almost any of the movies so it was just ok. But I LOVED Sascha Baron Cohen -- have you seen that movie yet? I actually HURT from laughing! ;-) We ate healthy vegan take-out dinner and I had no drinks while there (although had two martinis before we went -- no drinking before 5 pm ever or after 7 pm on "Sunday" nights -- this is my new rule until I get in a better habit with the alcohol).

Food bottom line for the weekend: did very very well considering I was "allowed" to drink. I weighed myself yesterday morning and had maintained. Hopefully will lose a little over the next couple of days until my weigh-in...no drinking allowed again starting tonight and I'm actually looking forward to that! :-)

Also looking forward to the beginning of American Idol tonight...I don't watch much tv, but am hooked on AI. I'll hit the gym first though... :-)

TGIF

TGIF has a whole new meaning since I'm "dry" during the week!! I'm looking forward to some glasses of wine tonight even though I feel awesome about keeping off the sauce all week and will continue to do the same!!

I actually got on the scale this morning (non-official weigh-in day) and was down another 2 or so pounds. I will probably add some of this back with weekend drinking, but I'll also be exercising so should still show a net loss next Thursday...at least I hope so!

Very stressful time right now -- DB and I are trying to figure out finances for our future, work is kinda nuts in preparation for me going away skiing in two weeks, and my mom is having a recurring tongue/lip/now throat-swelling problem and no one seems to be able to tell her what's causing it. Her latest allergist told her to just call 911 EVERY time it happens because it could be dangerous. Problem is that she's getting it like once a week now. I talked to the allergist today and I think I understand the strategy better. It helps my mom to have someone else listen to what the doc says. I'll bet it helps EVERYONE to have that! :-)

All in all though, I've had a fantastic week. And a LOT of the credit for that goes to the people who give me on-line support -- both at my quit-smoking/weight loss board and those who read and comment here. I am amazed and humbled by the goodness of people -- some who I don't even really "know". Wow.

Now I'm going home for a martini, OK? ;-)

Yes!!

Weighed in this morning to good (very good) news: I am down 8.5 pounds from last Thursday (THN plus two day) and 5.5 from last Friday (probably a better measure). My weight has been fluctuating wildly over the past few months since I started this loss journey so my actual weight today is only about 6.5 pounds net loss from mid-October. HOWEVER, I think it's onward and downward now because:

- Holidays are over. I really gained during the holidays since I couldn't do real exercise and I refuse to totally deprive myself of "goodies". An on-line fried of mine told me the other day that someone (Karl Lagerfeld maybe) had been asked after losing weight how he felt and he said "constantly hungry and constantly sober". NOT the way I want to live!!! So the ONLY way to maintain during holidays, in my opinion, is to be able to exercise. Next year will be better. :-)

- Also on the exercise tip, I think I've done great this week because I have been able to get at least a little exercise every day (gym two times, 2 PT "workouts" that were the equivalent of gym, some walking). Like I said the other day (and above!), I think this is KEY. I feel soooo much better than I have...even when I was at this weight in early Dec. The exercise thing is so interesting...check out the article Lori (see Readheaded Stranger link to the right) linked to yesterday(or maybe the day before): it talks about why we resist exercising when our bodies actually CRAVE it and feel sooo much better when we do it.

- Finally, abstaining from cocktails all this week has also obviously done it's thang. I'm thrilled with this. Truth is that I feel way better in so many ways. While I have been looking forward to my cocktails each evening, the price is just too high -- this week, my eyes are brighter in the mornings, my stomach instantly is less poochy, etc. It's all just about breaking that darn habit. I'm one week in...one week to go before I hope my new non-drinking-during-the-week habit is ingrained (at least a little)!! Every day is easier.

I feel GOOOOOD!!! :-)

Excited for tomorrow

I have done great this week with exercising, eating right and (possibly most importantly) cutting out alcohol for the past three nights so I am very excited about weighing in tomorrow. My period is coming though so that could have an effect...we'll see. In the meantime, I just wanted to come on here and say I FEEL GOOD (as MY late godfather, Mr. James Brown, would say!!). And that's what it's all about...right? :-)

The Importance of Being Exercised

When leaving a note on Vickie's blog today(see link to her on the right if you are interested -- I still haven't figured out hyperlinking!!), I realized that I haven't talked here much about the importance of exercising and this week I'm all about exercising so here's a reprint of what I wrote to her and more:

The last time I lost weight (over 120 lbs. and I've kept most of it off, but not enough!) I was RELIGIOUS about going to the gym. I actually put it on my calendar as an appointment and it was UNBREAKABLE. When I started going to yoga instead of the gym, I found out that I LOVED it and went even more often than I had been going to the gym.

In late 2004 when my beloved yoga studio closed and I met my darling boyfriend (DB) at about the same time, my exercise life fell apart -- I had no "yoga home" and it was easy for me to convince myself that it was more important to hang out with DB than to search for a new yoga home (which, by the way, it was...but maybe for not as long as I was lax with exercising!).

Just when I found a new yoga home this summer and things we getting back on track (although I, admittedly, was not being very good with food) I had surgery on my knee which has kept me from real exercising for over 3 months (it was supposed to be less than a month!). Anyway, even after only a few physical therapy "work out" appointments and one gym trip so far (I'm going again tonight -- have to get stronger at the gym before I can head back to yoga), my body is starting to feel like itself again...slowly! But I'm going skiing in 2 1/2 weeks for a week's vacation...I plan to ski as much as I can (skiing is FUN activity for me even though I SUCK). :-))

In addition to this I'm really trying to confront my habit of daily cocktails/wine. I have made a pact with an on-line friend who has a similar challenge and we're working to learn MODERATION. We're both ex-smokers with weight issues so have a lot in common! I'm excited to see how this goes...I know I will feel better in so many ways when I learn a new habit, i.e., MODERATION. I've got a big problem with moderation -- I've always been a "if one is good, two/three/ten are better" kind of person. Not to mention that I'm kind of OCD and get into ruts (walk in door, pour cocktail) very easily. I've heard it takes two weeks to start a new habit...I hope so! :-)

Already today after exercising and laying off the booze last night my stomach feels less poochy. MUST. REMEMBER. THIS. :-)

Mmmmm sore muscles!

Wonderful gym yesterday...my muscles are that great sore today that feels GOOD. I have missed that SO much!! :-) I'm baaaaack!

Yippee do dah day!

I'm making a yummy turkey soup for dinner (my best friend, a vegetarian, who cooks for her meat-eating hubby saved the turkey carcass she had for Xmas for me to use!). Soup, maybe movie and bed. Life is good. ;-)

Scale moving dowwwwn :-)

After the horrible THN Plus Two weigh-in on Thursday, I see the scale going down again. Yay! Yesterday, I was already at THN Minus One and today another pound or so down. I guess I had been overeating SO much that the mere fact of going back to normal eating has made some of those horrible lbs. go away...I hope for GOOD. :-) This all emphasizes that the "I've already fallen off the wagon, I might as well just roll along here beside it rather than getting back on" philosophy can really get me into trouble. And that throwing that phrase out the window can quickly get me back on track.

I think if I had been able to do a "normal" exercise routine during the holidays that the horrible gain would have been less.

On that tip, I am excited to go and rejoin the gym today. My physical therapist told me yesterday that I can go do some very specific things that will both help my recovery and be good exercise (losing lbs. will also help my recovery of course!). While I'd prefer to be able to go back to my beloved yoga, I am very excited to get moving again and I know yoga will come when I'm able. :-)

Back to Square One (plus two)...

Despite wanting to hide from the scale for another week (or FOREVER), I sucked it up and got on this morning. Not pretty. Not unexpected, but not pretty. After the complete falling-off-of-the-wagon over the past two weeks, I have managed to now be back to where I started in October (see post re: The Horrible Number...wish I knew how to link!)...plus two pounds. :-( I am trying to look at the bright side of this: it means I will have a tremendous loss in the coming week since I'm back on the wagon today with a vengeance.

I hate New Year's resolutions...I don't think I have ever managed to maintain one for more than a month and I don't know anyone who has done any better. I work better with (in Vickie's terms) "baby steps". One day at a time. No big "I've gotta cut out all of X" or "I'm going to exercise 6 days a week" pronouncements. I find when I do say things like that I get so discouraged when I FAIL (which is inevitable) that I just stop trying. So, what I will say is that I will go back to eating well. I will exercise as much as I can with the restrictions of my knee (the subway stairs in NYC were not its friend). I will (someday...hopefully soon, but SOMEDAY) get back to a weight where I feel more comfortable.

I was inspired this long weekend by (FINALLY) reading Frances Kuffel's book, Passing For Thin (which I asked for and got for Xmas). Wow. It was such a great read -- so many things I related to VERY deeply, so much great humor (DB kept asking me what I was laughing out loud about) and insight (not to mention some truly evocative prose) shining through. I loved it. Of course, it was particularly fun to read since I "know" Frances a little. I wanted more when it was over...can't wait for her next volume! It really helps to know that I'm not alone...I'm sure a lot of us who have read the book feel the same.

Square One Plus Two. I'm looking forward to this coming year...to Square One Minus 30! :-)