I know how to look at myself in the mirror to look best. I know how to turn my torso a little to the right and look to the left and not see the real sideways me. I know how to look at my face so I see the left side, not the right. I know to let my eyes linger on my eyes, chest and lower legs (my best features, in my opinion). I know not to look at the front- or back-side of me full-on. If I am careful to look at myself in these ways I feel like I look ok.
But sometimes I catch a glimpse of myself without being careful. Sometimes I'll see myself in a plate-glass window as I walk by and I can't turn my torso just so. Sometimes I'll see a photo where I haven't been able to mask my deficiencies. And those are bad times. Because then I really SEE how much weight I have let myself gain.
I try not to focus on the reality in the mirror too much...that would be too depressing and I would never feel pretty. But I have to focus on the mirror at least somewhat or I will allow myself to keep thinking I look ok. It's a delicate balance.
In the meantime, I'm feeling pretty good this week (despite some toe pain -- the interior pins are starting to poke and OUCH). After tonight I will have gone more days without an alcoholic drink than I have gone in a good long time (I don't remember the last time I went 5 days without a drink...probably in 2003 or so) -- when I was doing WOW earlier this year, I was only "dry" 4 days a week. I feel good that I have been able to be disciplined in this way. My belly feels a little flatter, but not a lot. And that could be from some good regular pilates this week. But the scale tomorrow will show whether the New Regime has made a difference. And the truth is that I won't feel good unless this has made a difference (although I will need to be nice to me since tomorrow is the day my period is supposed to start so I might be bloaty).
[The pumpkin soup last night was delicious and super-simple -- I'll try to remember to post the recipe -- a great autumn dinner with a roll and salad (I skipped the salad actually).]