Thursday, November 29, 2007

Miserable

I am miserable. In both senses of the term: I am unhappy and I am a horrible person.

DB came in all excited this morning to tell me that he has lost 10 pounds (in the past two or three weeks -- including food-orgy-Thanksgiving-week!!!). Struggling to lose the 3 pounds I gained back on Thanksgiving (I've lost 1.1 as of today), I found it impossible to be happy for him. I tried to explain to him but this stuff is so deep and hard for me that I ended up going into my bathroom to cry and try to regain my composure.

To give you some perspective: DB's pre-10-pound-loss weight BARELY put him in the highly-strict (and unrealistic, in my and many others' opinions) BMI range for "overweight". With the loss, he is 1/2 point into that range and thus thisclose to "normal". My post-Frankentoe weight put me at the very high-end of the "overweight" range. At my current weight, I am still on the high end, although closer to the middle.

I know that men lose weight faster and easier than women, but it is extremely hard for me to watch him eat (for example) double the pie for Thanksgiving, almost an entire bag of nuts, candy regularly and have 800 calories of chips plus cottage cheese for "brunch" every day and STILL lose weight with his only exercise being post-op shoulder exercises (which are quite limited) while HONEST TO GOD I eat right most every day, exercise, and I can hardly build up a consistent 10-pound loss over a YEAR.

DB says he's lost because he has cut back on booze. Well, so have I! Sorry, that doesn't make this any better. :-(

On top of this, I feel absolutely CRAPPY that I can't be a supportive enough partner to DB to exult in his success. I should be better than that. I am disappointed in myself that I am not.

And all this while facing the upcoming food challenges of Christmas season (two parties just this weekend)...and I don't want to be totally depriving myself during that time because then I will be just even more miserable.

I feel ugly today. In every way.

Later:

Stealing this from Vickie...so much of this hits me right in the gut. Although I love it when people tell me I look good...if it's true.

5 comments:

Grumpy Chair said...

You aren't ugly. You are an absolute doll and I've seen the pictures.

But I do know how you feel right now. Hugs hugs and more hugs to you.

I hope tomorrow is better for you and me both.

eat like a caveman said...

hang in there. no more negativity! instead, focus on your efforts and what good that will be bringing soon...I always say, "efforts don't lie." from my personal journey, EVERY effort even if it's folding laundry (doing something active) than watching TV...that continuous effort and consciousness of it is what counts! Don't look at others around u, but focus on yourself.

Vickie said...

Did you give him a copy of Hungry Hunger's post to read? I think you should if you haven't already.

Alicia is right - and I have seen the pictures and seen you in person - you are a doll.

More hugs.

Vickie said...

sorry that the sad stick got you. . .

Lori said...

You're aren't ugly! Gosh, Helen, I keep telling you how cute you are and I'm envious!

The other day I was swimming with K who was telling me that her husband gets 44, fricking 44, points a day on WW and she only gets 18. She was ranting and raving about it and how unfair it was.

It is unfair the advantage that men have over us in weight loss. I hope you're feeling better. You are WAY more than a number on a scale or a statistic in BMI. You're the wonderful, fabulous, cute, excellent friend of ours named Helen.